Sunday, October 2, 2011

Felicity, Episode 1: Pilot

So, we decided to watch the pilot of Felicity tonight.  It’d been a long weekend and we were both pretty tired, and we wanted something we didn’t have to think about too much.  For some reason Jennie was not in the mood for anything funny (I know, what?), but when I suggested Felicity she was all over it.  That’s right.  I suggested Felicity.
 
I would probably not even think of watching this series if J.J. Abrams wasn’t involved.  It kind of boggles my mind that the guy behind Lost and Fringe is behind this show as well.  He wrote the pilot, and Matt Reeves (the director of Cloverfield, if I’m not mistaken) directed.  Keri Russell is the title character, in case you were under a rock in 1998.  The pilot also stars Scott Speedman as Ben, Amy Jo Johnson as Julie, and Scott Foley as Noel (pronounced ‘Knoll’, just so you know).  There are some other characters, but they’re not that important, this is really a four-person show at this point.

For a pilot, this thing really moved along.  It was only 44 minutes long, but it definitely felt longer.  I don’t meant that to sound like it was boring – I mean a lot of stuff happened.  There’s a thing in comic books called ‘decompressed storytelling’, or, put another way, ‘writing for the trade.’  It’s where two or three issues worth of story are stretched into six or seven issues so that it will be better able to be sold as a collected edition later on, and it is one of the main things that I hate about current comics.  Single-issue comic book stories are all but a thing of the past at this point, and it’s terrible.  The pilot of Felicity is the exact opposite of decompressed storytelling. It honestly felt like a season’s-worth of stuff happened.  Feelings are confessed more than once, friends betray each other, and Felicity has multiple nutball meltdowns throughout.  Storylines that could have been played out over the course of thirteen or twenty-two episodes are completely blown through, and it’s amazing.  There’s a lot of status to quo here, and they don’t waste any time doing it, and it’s incredibly refreshing.

Felicity1  
"Basically, I'm crazy, is where we're at right now."

Felicity, as mentioned, is nuts, and also kind of a disaster at life.  I know she’s a teenage girl, with the hormones and the not thinking about things before she does them, but man, this whole thing is just a cluster almost from the moment we meet her.  She chooses to upend her life and go to college in New York, partly to spite her super-controlling parents, but mostly because she’s got it bad for Ben.  They’ve never been together.  They’ve hardly ever even spoken.  But after he writes some nice stuff in her yearbook, she decides that this is a healthy thing for her to do.  Then, when things don’t go exactly as she hoped they would, she waffles back and forth between going back home to do what her parents want her to do and sticking it out, trying to be friends with Ben and have a life of her own.  Ultimately she decides on the latter, but the road to get there is not pretty.  I hope she gets less bananas.  Then again, like I said, she’s a teenage girl, so what am I supposed to expect?

Ben seems like kind of a man-whore.  When Felicity first runs into him in New York, he’s got some girl on his arm, and they kiss and seem really close, and then we never see her again.  Then he’s hooking up with Julie after who knows how many dates (I’m thinking one).  Maybe he’s not really a man-whore, but I think he has man-whore potential.  He’ll bang anything that moves if it’s not Felicity.  That’s rough.

Noel reminds me of Xander Harris, in the best way possible. I have a friend who hates Xander, and there is something wrong with her because Xander is the most likable character ever, except for when he’s mean to Anya.  But in the ‘super-likable’ category, Noel fits right in, especially when he confesses his feelings for Felicity.  Jennie and I are both immediately on Team Noel.  Too bad I know that, in real life, he cheated on Jennifer Garner.  No man cheats on Agent Sydney Bristow and lives to tell the tale as far as I’m concerned.  Noel must inevitably die.

At no point in the pilot did Amy Jo Johnson duck off to morph into the Pink Power Ranger.  That made me sad.  She did, however, wear two different earrings throughout the episode.  That also made me sad.  Where does she do her jewelry-shopping, in people’s trash cans?

I could probably do more to tear into this, but, honestly, I enjoyed it.  I know there will probably not be any smoke monsters or parallel universes on this series, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.  It’s pretty brainless so far, no matter how hard the characters try to sound deep and smart.  Kids, amirite?  Also, I’m already ‘shipping Felicity and Noel, and I do enjoy a good ‘ship.  We’ll see how this thing goes.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The X-Files: Jersey Devil

From what I remember, Mulder falls in love with a wild woman in this episode. That's...about all I remember.

NEW JERSEY, 1947

Some family is driving along a deserted road, singing Bingo, which I didn't realize existed in 1947. They're having way too much fun but don't worry, soon they blow a tire so no more fun for them! The dad knocks his flashlight into the woods while he's changing the tire. He says "darnit," though, not FUDGE. Oh, man, he straight up gets dragged into the woods while his wife watches. Sorry, wife, he's probably dead.

The next day, some dogs and men scout the area but everyone knows that the dogs do all the work in this kind of situation. They find the dead dad, minus one leg, which was eaten off. Someone barfs and it wasn't me, I swear. They find someone, "as tall as a house," in a cave or something and because they're ascared, they all shoot it a million times with a million guns.

Credits! 

FBI HEADQUARTERS
WASHINGTON, D.C.

Hey guess what, it's time for Mulder to present a crazy case to Scully so she can shoot down all of his theories. Scully enters the office and finds Mulder reading a nudie magazine. At work. Sure.

The FBI's HR department is very lenient.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Doctor Who: The Unquiet Dead

Previously on Doctor Who...the Doctor invited Rose to be his companion, she said yes, and they went to the future to fix some fucked up shit. So now, naturally, they're going to the past to (probably) fix some fucked up shit.

The episode opens with some guy wandering around an old-timey house. We discover he's an undertaker when he comforts a young man who is standing over the dead body of his old aunt or something. The undertaker gives the young man a moment to himself and that's when his aunt comes back to life, kills him, and then escapes from the funeral home.

WE'VE GOT ZOMBIES, Y'ALL.

The undertaker, whose name is Mr. Sneed, orders his assistant or maid or something, Gwyneth (not GOOP Gwyneth, but Gwen Cooper from Torchwood only not really never mind, but anyway, I'll be calling her GOOP) to go find the zombie lady. Meanwhile, the Doctor is telling Rose they're going to 1860 and, with her help, he lands the TARDIS. They fall to the floor (they need to work on the landing) and giggle because they are BFF.

1laughing
Was it good for you?

Friday, April 1, 2011

The X-Files: Conduit

I don't remember exactly when I started watching The X-Files (I was 11 when the show started, and I doubt I was allowed to watch it then because, at the time, I wasn't even allowed to watch The Simpsons), but I think my mom had something to do with it. She came home one day with some of those X-Files VHS sets. You know, the ones that were like three tapes and each tape had two "important" episodes on them? I had a shitload of these. I might still have them somewhere, which is dumb, because I don't even have a VCR.

Well, Conduit, the fourth episode of season one, was on one of those tapes (along with the Pilot), but it was never one of my favorites. I'm not sure why now, because on rewatch, it's easy to see how important it is to the series. It's the first time you really see how much Mulder's sister's disappearance fucked him up, like, forever times a million, and I think it's the first time he acts like a pissy little bitch because Scully is concerned and tries to reign him in. I mean, it definitely won't be the last time, either, so poor Scully.

The episode opens with a family camping. The two kids are sleeping outside and the mom is sleeping inside the camper, but she wakes up when it starts shaking. There's a closeup of a cup of coffee and it's all Jurassic-Park-shakedown, and for a minute I wonder if I forgot there was a T-Rex in this episode.

coffee cup
Hold on to your butts.

One of the kids, a teenage girl named Ruby, is abducted, as her young brother, Kevin, watches.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Doctor Who, Episode 2: The End of the World

Netflix synopsis: The Doctor and Rose board the TARDIS and travel to the year 5 billion, the eve of Earth's apocalypse. As various alien emissaries gather to witness the end, one among them has deadly intentions.

The episode begins where the last one ended, with Rose running straight into the TARDIS. The Doctor asks if she wants to go to the past or to the future and here is where Rose and I differ: I would pick going to the past (because of dinosaurs) but she chooses to go to the future. They start by going 100 years into the future, then 10,000 (to the new Roman empire), but the Doctor says that's totally boring. Rose teases the Doctor all, "You think you're so impressive," and he's like, "I AM so impressive," which...yeah. He takes the bait, though, and sets the TARDIS for KICKASS.

They end up in what looks like a spa. But then big window appears and it turns out they are in the best spa ever, floating high above the Earth. IN SPACE. They're 5 billion years in the future, which is way more than 100 years (MATH). They watch the sun rise over the Earth and the Doctor welcomes Rose to the end of the world. Uh, downer. Nice view, though.

1window
Best date ever?

It turns out they're on some space station called Platform One that's orbiting the Earth. Everyone is there for the big Earth Death party. In the future, rich people watch planets burn up for funsies and the Earth is set to burn in half an hour. You know, this seems like an odd place to take Rose for the first time. That's her home and it's about to burn up in the sun. Anyway, the Doctor explains this all to Rose very matter-of-factly, and Rose wonders whether that's what the Doctor does...runs in and saves the Earth at the last minute. Which...yes, but not this time. He says the Earth's time is up, but not to worry, because all the people have left. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DUCKS? WHAT OF THE POOR, BABY ANIMALS?!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sports Night, Episode 2: The Apology

Synopsis from DVD: When Dan is quoted in a national magazine supporting the legalization of marijuana, the network demands an on-air apology, but no one is more sorry than Casey, who is described as the “not-cool-one” in the same article.

And as thorough as the synopsis for the first episode was, this one leaves quite a bit to be explained, so that’s somewhat exciting. Also, it’s unclear from the synopsis who it is that supports pot legalization, Dan or the magazine he’s quoted in. Also, I don’t expect to see Casey go on the air and apologize for not being cool. Though, really, maybe he should. Anyway. Let’s get to it.

As the episode opens, Dan is visibly nervous, though he says it's not about an interview that he gave to Esquire but because one of CSC’s morning aerobics instructors is stalking him. He and Natalie try to determine what the woman’s name is as they prep for the show. He’s totally covering his actual nervousness about the article with this stalker nonsense, but we’ll play along because it’s funny and Dan is just so damn charming. In the control booth, Dana is informed that some pitcher (I don’t remember who, it’s not important) is working on a no-hitter in the 7th inning, and she instructs Dan and Casey to tease it in the live promo that’s coming up. Jeremy insists that they shouldn’t do this because it’s bad luck for the pitcher to do so, but Dana ignores him. Dan and Casey complete the promo, complete with tease, and moments later the pitcher loses the no-hitter. Jeremy consoles Dana, who clearly does not care.

The next day, everyone in the office is reading Dan’s article. Casey and Dana discuss whether Dan might be in trouble, but Casey is more concerned with the fact that he is portrayed in the article as not being cool. Something to think about, Casey: if you’re sitting around worrying about whether or not you’re cool, you are definitely not cool. Dana tells Casey that lawyers from Standards & Practices are in Isaac’s office at the moment discussing what to do about Dan. It seems that Dan mentioned being a member of a group that supports the legalization of marijuana, and this is a problem for the network probably because drugs are bad, m’kay?