tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73889310390856488532024-02-19T03:02:57.069-05:00Joe and Jennie in the Morning!Welcome to Fluffytown. No smoking, no farting, no pillow fights.Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-20812182752248148542013-01-01T18:48:00.001-05:002013-01-01T18:48:12.145-05:00The X-Files, Episode 9.19 - "The Truth"<style>@font-face {
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I never watched <i>The X-Files</i> as it was
originally airing. That’s probably for the best – I don’t think I would have
liked it as a kid. Would I have latched on to Mulder and Scully’s platonic
relationship, or would I have spent the whole time annoyedly waiting for them
to get together? Would I have endured the ‘freak of the week’ episodes that
make up a majority of the series? Would the Syndicate and the alien conspiracy
have held my attention? It’s hard to say. I did really love <i>Lois &
Clark</i>, and would probably have made a comparison between the two
shows. They’re similar shows on some levels, but <i>The X-Files</i> is unquestionably the better show. That said, it didn’t have
Superman in it, so I probably wouldn’t have been quite as into it.</div>
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I’m glad I came to <i>The X-Files</i> when I
did. As an adult I think I’m better equipped to handle the “slow burn” pace of
the series, to tease out answers and clues from sentences half-spoken by
cigarette-smoking men, to enjoy the silly one-off episodes and the heavier
mytharc stories, and to appreciate the depth of the relationship between Mulder
and Scully. The series was always about Mulder’s search for the truth, but over
the course of nine years it became just as much Dana’s search, though she remained
the more sensible one about it (what else would you expect from a scientist?).</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://weblogs.variety.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/08/17/xfiles_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://weblogs.variety.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/08/17/xfiles_2.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The truth is over there, where they’re
looking.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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And so we have the series finale to <i>The X-Files</i>, the end of nine years of weekly monsters, shadowy figures,
and Mulder’s quest for The Truth. A finale that, hopefully, wraps up the
threads of those nine years and gives the characters – and the viewers – a
satisfying sense of closure. It was a long trip for me to get here – not nine
years long thanks to the wonders of home video, but long nonetheless – and I was
looking forward to the end, even though I’d heard enough about it already not
to expect everything to be wrapped up neatly.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And boy, what a mess it still was at the end.</div>
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This oversized episode is comprised mainly of two parts –
Mulder’s trial for the murder of Knowle Rohrer (not at all how I thought his
name should be spelled), and Mulder and Scully’s adventures after he escapes
from military custody. The first part was enjoyable, in a ‘Fox Mulder, this is
your life!’ kind of way. It reminded me of the series finale of <i>Seinfeld</i>, where they trotted out characters from previous
episodes (“Look, it’s Andrea from <i>The Walking Dead</i>!”) and
reminded you of how great the show once was. We even get to see some long-dead
characters in the form of random Mulder hallucinations. Mulder’s plan was to
use the trial to expose the Syndicate and the alien conspiracy. Needless to
say, he failed, but it was a fun trip down memory lane.</div>
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The second part was kind of a mess, with Scully, Skinner,
Doggett, Reyes, and AD Kirsch helping Mulder escape, and then Mulder and Scully
taking off for New Mexico rather than bee-lining it to the border like any
escaped felon would do. The others go to work the next day like nothing’s
happened only to discover that stuff did indeed still happen and the bad guys
know where Mulder and Scully are going and are on their way to kill them, thus
giving Doggett and Reyes something to do for the rest of the episode. In the
desert (you can’t remember your name), Mulder and Scully find the Cigarette
Smoking Man hiding out in some old Pueblo ruins, and he confirms what Mulder
and the quick-reading audience discovered in the first scene of the episode –
that an alien invasion is scheduled for December 22<sup>nd</sup>, 2012 (so, two
weeks ago this Friday). Then they leave, some military helicopters blow up the
ruins and kill CSM, and that’s pretty much the end. Doggett and Reyes show up
for a few minutes, too, but they really don’t serve much of a purpose.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.oocities.org/imzodistarzerg/reyes_doggett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://www.oocities.org/imzodistarzerg/reyes_doggett.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">”We’ll just stand over here and stay out of the
way.”</span></div>
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Honestly, it’s more than a bit underwhelming. There’s very
little to be satisfied about here. Things happen very fast, but at the same
time nothing really happens at all. There’s no resolution to anything. Alan
Dale is still a super-soldier and still a high-ranking government official.
There’s no indication given of how our heroes might stop the impending alien
invasion, just that they’re not going to give up. We get a return visit from
Gibson Praise, a young mind reader who has been in hiding since the end of
season 5, and we are told that his life could be in danger, but there’s never
any threat made against him. Mulder has the aforementioned random visits from the ghosts of
Krycek, the Lone Gunmen, and Mr. X, but it’s never explored why he would be
hallucinating. Overall there’s absolutely no sense of urgency to what could and
rightfully should have been an epic series finale.</div>
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That was really a problem for the whole ninth season,
actually. The second-to-last episode of the series – what you would expect to
be a direct lead-in to the finale, building towards some sort of a climax – was
a standalone episode about a man who could make his house look like the one
from <i>The Brady Bunch</i>. It was a very enjoyable episode, but at the same time, in
the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but think, ‘Is that it? Shouldn’t you be doing
something?’ I never felt like season nine was going anywhere. It’s unfortunate
that the finale basically proved that feeling right.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13600000/The-X-Files-Promo-Photos-Season-9-annabeth-gish-13610523-445-591.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13600000/The-X-Files-Promo-Photos-Season-9-annabeth-gish-13610523-445-591.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Did you remember that Cary Elwes was on the
show? </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Neither did I and I just watched it.</span></div>
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I will miss these characters, Mulder and Scully and Skinner
and even Doggett and Reyes, who really grew on me once they started to be more
fleshed-out. I understand that Chris Carter’s plan was to use the finale as a
jumping-off point for a series of movies that have, thus far, never come to
fruition. With the date of the alien invasion having passed, I would be
interested to see what has become of our heroes. I’m still disappointed in how
the series itself ended, though, not with a bang but with an unresolved whimper.</div>
Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-11728415422049388462012-12-28T11:39:00.000-05:002012-12-28T11:53:13.878-05:00On GREY'S ANATOMY<style>@font-face {
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I think I am predisposed to like doctor shows. I have very
fond memories of watching <i>ER</i> as a kid and of how engrossed I was in the
characters’ lives and in the patients they saw every week. As far as I’m
concerned, <i>ER</i> will always be the bar by which all other doctor shows are
measured.</div>
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It’s inevitable, then, that I would want to compare <i>Grey's Anatomy</i> to <i>ER</i>. That’s not a fair comparison, though, since, while they’re both
essentially doctor shows, they’re also completely different. <i>ER</i> was fairly
serious drama about intelligent people saving lives. <i>Grey's Anatomy</i>, on the
other hand, is a show centered around a group of narcissists who take turns
sleeping with each other and occasionally pretend to be doctors in order to
make themselves feel better about what messes they’ve made of their lives. The
fact that any of them is a doctor is really tangential to the fact that they’re
all completely stupid.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://images.dvdreleaseshop.com/upload/uploadfiles/greys_anatomy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://images.dvdreleaseshop.com/upload/uploadfiles/greys_anatomy1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">We're doctors! Woo!</span></div>
</div>
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<br />
Am I being hard on <i>Grey's Anatomy</i>? If I am, it’s only because no one
on the show is doing it him or herself. Meredith Grey is a protagonist who
consistently manages to make the problems of her patients instead about
herself. She is so busy establishing metaphors between her patients’ ailments
and her own trivial problems that I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her practice
any medicine. She talks to patients a lot, sure, but most of the other
characters on the show are surgeons, and when the time comes to actually heal
someone I feel like Meredith’s more likely to run off and talk to her therapist
than she is to cut into someone’s abdomen.</div>
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The object of Meredith’s incessant crazy is Derek Shepard,
who may or may not be a distant relative of Dr. Jack Shepard. Making a
connection between this show and <i>Lost</i> makes it infinitely more interesting, and leads me to believe that Seattle Grace may actually be some hell
dimension from which light and goodness cannot escape and where the Man in Black
(Titus Welliver, not Johnny Cash) rules supreme. Apparently Derek Shepard is
dreamy, which we know not because of anything particularly dreamy that he has
done, but because Meredith and Christina Yang refer to him as McDreamy. Using
the ‘Mc’ prefix is actually pretty apt here, as Derek is probably the most
generic guy on the show – he’s protrayed by Patrick Dempsey, the McDonalds of actors, a poor man's Rob Lowe who resembles a good actor but is no where near as good as the real thing. The audience has the benefit of seeing Derek when Meredith and
Christina aren’t around, and I wonder, if they saw all of the pissing and
moaning that he does when they’re not around, if they would still find him as
McDreamy. I would refer to him as McNugget.</div>
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<a href="http://www.realtvaddict.com/wordpress/uploads/2010/03/Derek-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.realtvaddict.com/wordpress/uploads/2010/03/Derek-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Would you like fries with me?</span></div>
<br /></div>
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Meredith’s best friend for some reason is Christina Yang, an
actually likable person who helps make the show watchable. She has personality,
intelligence, and she’s actually a good doctor. The thing holding her back for
a few seasons was her attachment to <i>uber</i>-douche Preston Burke, played by
<a href="http://www.accesshollywood.com/isaiah-washington-i-am-not-homophobic_article_5981">real-life horrible person Isaiah Washington</a>. Her decision to help him hide a
hand tremor was a bad one, for sure, but it’s definitely not as bad as some of
the decisions others on the show have made, and it resulted in her becoming a
good surgeon. I also like how she occasionally yells at Meredith for being
stupid. She should really do that more often. Did I mention that she gets
impaled by a falling icicle at one point? Because that is a thing that happens,
too. Don’t worry, it didn’t hit anything vital. Just her pride.</div>
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And then there’s Izzie Stephens, played by the <a href="http://www.pajiba.com/film_reviews/27-dresses.php">Rainbow Killer</a> herself, Katherine Heigl. As an intern, Izzie fell in
love with a patient who needed a heart replacement. Rather than do what a normal person would do, she decided to stop his heart on purpose in order to speed up the necessity for his heart transplant. And then she did it. She stopped his heart
on purpose. He received
the new heart according to plan, but then died anyway when he had a stroke.
Izzie quit the intern program after killing her fiancée on purpose, but then
came back after she inherited 8 million dollars from her dead fiancée who she
helped kill on purpose. She is now a full-fledged doctor, and not in jail or a
mental institution like she should be for killing a patient on purpose.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20090223/293.heigl.katherine.lc.022309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20090223/293.heigl.katherine.lc.022309.jpg" width="198" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">And I'll do it again if I have to.</span></div>
<br /></div>
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I could go on, about Karev also falling in love with a patient who happened to be an amnesiac, or about O’Malley and his uncomfortable sexual escapades, or
how the show has forced a storyline where Callie Torres (O’Malley’s wife, for a
brief time) is basically goaded by one of the male doctors to fall in love with
a female doctor with whom she has zero actual on-screen chemistry. The actual
adults on the show – Doctor Bailey, and the Chief (I don’t know his name, they
just call him Chief, but he's actually FBI Assistant Director Kirsch from <i>The X-Files</i>, so that's pretty weird) – are pretty good, what with the being actual adults and
taking their responsibilities seriously. They have their silly moments, sure,
but they are never as laughably bad as the other characters on the show.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So why am I watching this show? That is an excellent
question. Sometimes, after a long day at work, you just want to watch something
that doesn’t make you think about anything. And since Jennie doesn’t like
cartoons, we instead watch <i>Grey's Anatomy</i>. It’s basically a cartoon, but more
ridiculous.</div>
Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-3888397118253895052011-10-02T22:29:00.000-04:002011-10-02T22:29:56.918-04:00Felicity, Episode 1: PilotSo, we decided to watch the pilot of <i>Felicity</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> tonight.
It’d been a long weekend and we were both pretty tired, and we wanted
something we didn’t have to think about too much. For some reason Jennie was not in the mood for anything
funny (I know, what?), but when I suggested </span><i>Felicity</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> she was all over it. That’s right. </span><i>I
</i><span style="font-style: normal;">suggested </span><i>Felicity</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would probably not even think of watching this series if
J.J. Abrams wasn’t involved. It
kind of boggles my mind that the guy behind <i>Lost</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> and </span><i>Fringe</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> is behind
this show as well. He wrote the
pilot, and Matt Reeves (the director of </span><i>Cloverfield</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, if I’m not mistaken) directed. Keri Russell is the title character, in
case you were under a rock in 1998.
The pilot also stars Scott Speedman as Ben, Amy Jo Johnson as Julie, and
Scott Foley as Noel (pronounced ‘Knoll’, just so you know). There are some other characters, but
they’re not that important, this is really a four-person show at this point.</span></div>
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For a pilot, this thing really moved along. It was only 44 minutes long, but it
definitely felt longer. I don’t
meant that to sound like it was boring – I mean a <i>lot</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> of stuff happened. There’s a thing in comic books called ‘decompressed
storytelling’, or, put another way, ‘writing for the trade.’ It’s where two or three issues worth of
story are stretched into six or seven issues so that it will be better able to
be sold as a collected edition later on, and it is one of the main things that
I hate about current comics.
Single-issue comic book stories are all but a thing of the past at this
point, and it’s terrible. The
pilot of </span><i>Felicity</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> is the exact
opposite of decompressed storytelling. It honestly felt like a season’s-worth
of stuff happened. Feelings are
confessed more than once, friends betray each other, and Felicity has multiple
nutball meltdowns throughout.
Storylines that could have been played out over the course of thirteen
or twenty-two episodes are completely blown through, and it’s </span><i>amazing</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.
There’s a lot of status to quo here, and they don’t waste any time doing
it, and it’s incredibly refreshing.</span></div>
<br />
<center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/6206192120/" title="Felicity1 by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img alt="Felicity1" height="355" src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6175/6206192120_e623ccc527.jpg" width="471" /></a>
<small><i> </i></small></center><center><small><i>"Basically, I'm crazy, is where we're at right now."</i></small></center><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Felicity, as mentioned, is nuts, and also kind of a disaster
at life. I know she’s a teenage
girl, with the hormones and the not thinking about things before she does them,
but man, this whole thing is just a cluster almost from the moment we meet
her. She chooses to upend her life
and go to college in New York, partly to spite her super-controlling parents,
but mostly because she’s got it bad for Ben. They’ve never been together. They’ve hardly ever even spoken. But after he writes some nice stuff in her yearbook, she
decides that this is a healthy thing for her to do. Then, when things don’t go exactly as she hoped they would,
she waffles back and forth between going back home to do what her parents want
her to do and sticking it out, trying to be friends with Ben and have a life of
her own. Ultimately she decides on
the latter, but the road to get there is not pretty. I hope she gets less bananas. Then again, like I said, she’s a teenage girl, so what am I
supposed to expect?<br />
<br />
Ben seems like kind of a man-whore. When Felicity first runs into him in
New York, he’s got some girl on his arm, and they kiss and seem really close,
and then we never see her again.
Then he’s hooking up with Julie after who knows how many dates (I’m
thinking one). Maybe he’s not
really a man-whore, but I think he has man-whore potential. He’ll bang anything that moves if it’s
not Felicity. That’s rough.</div>
<br />
Noel reminds me of Xander Harris, in the best way possible.
I have a friend who hates Xander, and there is something wrong with her because
Xander is the most likable character ever, except for when he’s mean to
Anya. But in the ‘super-likable’
category, Noel fits right in, especially when he confesses his feelings for
Felicity. Jennie and I are both
immediately on Team Noel. Too bad
I know that, in real life, he cheated on Jennifer Garner. No man cheats on Agent Sydney Bristow
and lives to tell the tale as far as I’m concerned. Noel must inevitably die.<br />
<br />
At no point in the pilot did Amy Jo Johnson duck off to
morph into the Pink Power Ranger.
That made me sad. She did,
however, wear two different earrings throughout the episode. That also made me sad. Where does she do her jewelry-shopping,
in people’s trash cans?<br />
<br />
I could probably do more to tear into this, but, honestly, I
enjoyed it. I know there will
probably not be any smoke monsters or parallel universes on this series, but
I’ll give it a shot anyway. It’s pretty
brainless so far, no matter how hard the characters try to sound deep and
smart. Kids, amirite? Also, I’m already ‘shipping Felicity
and Noel, and I do enjoy a good ‘ship.
We’ll see how this thing goes.<br />
Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-6810585298348389672011-08-14T15:15:00.055-04:002011-08-14T15:35:10.495-04:00The X-Files: Jersey DevilFrom what I remember, Mulder falls in love with a wild woman in this episode. That's...about all I remember.<br />
<br />
<b>NEW JERSEY, 1947</b><br />
<br />
Some family is driving along a deserted road, singing Bingo, which I didn't realize existed in 1947. They're having way too much fun but don't worry, soon they blow a tire so no more fun for them! The dad knocks his flashlight into the woods while he's changing the tire. He says "darnit," though, not <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEoGc3dy3YQ">FUDGE</a>. Oh, man, he straight up gets dragged into the woods while his wife watches. Sorry, wife, he's probably dead.<br />
<br />
The next day, some dogs and men scout the area but everyone knows that the dogs do all the work in this kind of situation. They find the dead dad, minus one leg, which was eaten off. Someone barfs and it wasn't me, I swear. They find someone, "as tall as a house," in a cave or something and because they're ascared, they all shoot it a million times with a million guns.<br />
<br />
Credits!<b> </b><br />
<br />
<b>FBI HEADQUARTERS</b><br />
<b>WASHINGTON, D.C.</b><br />
<br />
Hey guess what, it's time for Mulder to present a crazy case to Scully so she can shoot down all of his theories. Scully enters the office and finds Mulder reading a nudie magazine. At work. Sure.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4cpW-4-_13zBVPvrNohpkluj4pfVde1QSwx4aMroOUhjkENZU3BVxNTcuWeGXlBQyANApp2rqoke-cUW6_PeycnYAJ40aGithyphenhyphenwOWCfm8y_OYtVSC4GhGKEVhKcrO2cLEjn78fUOF1nUP/s1600/mulderporn.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4cpW-4-_13zBVPvrNohpkluj4pfVde1QSwx4aMroOUhjkENZU3BVxNTcuWeGXlBQyANApp2rqoke-cUW6_PeycnYAJ40aGithyphenhyphenwOWCfm8y_OYtVSC4GhGKEVhKcrO2cLEjn78fUOF1nUP/s400/mulderporn.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The FBI's HR department is very lenient.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><a name='more'></a><br />
This time is different because Scully's presenting MULDER with a crazy case and that is that they found some dead guy in New Jersey missing his right arm and shoulder that were eaten off by a human which is gross, right? I've watched a lot of gross stuff on TV so now I have a hard time telling when stuff is gross to normal people.<br />
<br />
Mulder has a file on a similar case, The Jersey Devil, which is what murdered the dad earlier. You know, the "beast-man" who they shot in the cave earlier in the episode. Remember? It was like five minutes ago. Anyway, Scully says it's a myth, Mulder says he believes it, blah blah blah LET'S INVESTIGATE!<br />
<br />
They go to Atlantic City. Whee! Gambling and salt water taffy! But no, they go to the morgue instead, which is an interesting choice. The autopsy lady tells them the guy was drunk when he was eaten. Do you think that if you eat a drunk person while they're still alive, you get drunk? Or, like, if a vampire drinks the blood of a drunk person, do they then get drunk? It's an important question, think about it and get back to me.<br />
<br />
A Detective Thompson comes in and is a total dick for no reason. Oh, wait, jurisdiction. YAWN. What a boring reason to be a dick. <br />
<br />
Mulder decides to stay in Atlantic City but Scully has to get back for her godson's birthday party. Mulder calls the Parks Department but unfortunately he's in New Jersey and not Pawnee, so he doesn't get to hang out with Leslie Knope. The guy he gets stuck with has a mustache but it's not as glorious as Ron Swanson's so we'll call this guy Non Swanson. Non Swanson brings up The Jersey Devil and totally believes in it so Mulder makes out with him. Then Mulder decides to walk back to town through the woods where people are being eaten alive.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMrCcJQViE7f_EHBMuXVmQ5CXYQSD1kppQ9kaa3xcad9sBy49wQCyAmK0vgkPRqZdhilz8JEF0bY_EWDK5GkhszRAp7W9v2AIS2tOmzsBRHQxqX90bx62Pia1Zn9FADihILB0OtuVBeUhW/s1600/mulderwoods.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMrCcJQViE7f_EHBMuXVmQ5CXYQSD1kppQ9kaa3xcad9sBy49wQCyAmK0vgkPRqZdhilz8JEF0bY_EWDK5GkhszRAp7W9v2AIS2tOmzsBRHQxqX90bx62Pia1Zn9FADihILB0OtuVBeUhW/s400/mulderwoods.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And he was never seen or heard from again. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Meanwhile, at the lame-o birthday party, there are kids running around like wild animals (SYMBOLISM). Scully talks to her friend about motherhood and dating and WHATEVER, the only important thing about this scene is that we find out that Scully thinks Mulder is cute.<br />
<br />
Later some kid's dad comes in and makes eyes at Scully. Ugh. I hate when the show tries to work in Scully's dating life (or lack thereof).<br />
<br />
<b>OUTSKIRTS OF ATLANTIC CITY, 6:47 PM</b><br />
<br />
Mulder makes it back to town safely. Whew, I was worried. He gives a homeless guy some money for Jersey Devil information. The homeless guy gives him a drawing of some creature he's seen eating garbage in his alley. Mulder decides to spend the night in the alley because sure. <br />
<br />
Luckily, the one night Mulder decides to stake out the alley where the Jersey Devil has been sighted a few times is the exact night she shows up again! Oh, is that a spoiler? That it's a lady devil? Whatever, it doesn't matter. She rummages through the trash but runs away when she sees Mulder. He runs after her, but uh oh, then the cops show up and arrest Mulder because they think he's drunk.<br />
<br />
Detective Thompson yells at Mulder at the station and Mulder insists that he's just seen the Jersey Devil. Detective Thompson insists that it doesn't exist which is totally Scully's job, GO AWAY DETECTIVE THOMPSON.<br />
<br />
<b>FBI HEADQUARTERS</b><br />
<b>WASHINGTON, D.C.</b><br />
<br />
Mulder calls Scully from the drunk tank so she can bail him out. She takes him out to breakfast and he excitedly tells her about his run in with the Jersey Devil. They argue about it but who cares, really. We all know what's going to happen. Let's talk about how Scully has a date. Mulder asks if she can cancel and she's all, "Unlike you, Mulder, I'd like to have a life," <a href="http://vimeo.com/4263717">which is way harsh, Tai</a>.<br />
<br />
I think she feels bad because she takes him to meet some professor (who has a ponytail so he must be a coooool professor) at the University of Maryland. It's pretty boring. Later, Mulder does some serious research. You can tell it's serious because he's wearing glasses. For whatever reason, part of this research involves is looking a drawing of Bigfoot with boobs.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Lmb-5ygufAbYKzWeqHQhaYutQIL3aItebJj-4gLHA-sV0b2ZFMN8rHIdDFq530P3XCtBSpbxjQ_yWUjpQ0ui_TpXVGqwo1Kf_UVDhBZ1-LxP0vxrGEzxrFpSg0kgfLkZsGc4inarfTIw/s1600/mulderbigfoot.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Lmb-5ygufAbYKzWeqHQhaYutQIL3aItebJj-4gLHA-sV0b2ZFMN8rHIdDFq530P3XCtBSpbxjQ_yWUjpQ0ui_TpXVGqwo1Kf_UVDhBZ1-LxP0vxrGEzxrFpSg0kgfLkZsGc4inarfTIw/s400/mulderbigfoot.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mulder has weird taste in porn.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
Mulder gets a call from Non Swanson, who says he found a body who he thinks might be The Jersey Devil. Mulder gets so excited that he pees himself. Then he pages Scully (who is on her super boring date) to see if she'll bring him another pair of pants. And also to see if she'll go to New Jersey with him. But when they get to the morgue, someone has disappeared the body. STANDARD. </div></div><br />
Mulder, Scully, Non Swanson, and Professor Ponytail decide to trap the lady devil by shooting her with a tranquilizer gun. Nothing can go wrong with this plan! They roam around an abandoned factory, looking for clues. They're basically the Scooby Gang, minus a dog or a Buffy. Meanwhile, a SWAT team is outside the factory, looking all swatty and stuff.<br />
<br />
Detective Thompson is there, too, looking for Mulder. Not sure why an entire SWAT team was necessary, I mean, this is a federal agent who is <a href="http://home.comcast.net/%7Einjoke/xfnlists.html">known for dropping his gun ALL THE TIME</a>.<br />
<br />
Mulder sees the lady devil so he of course jumps out a window and runs after her. Scully runs after him because she figures he'll need saving at some point. The Jersey Devil attacks Mulder because she either wants to kill him or mate with him, I'm not sure. I think Scully is familiar with that feeling. Scully finds them and scares the lady devil away. Mulder's all, "she was beautiful," but Scully doesn't care because Mulder's hurt LIKE ALWAYS.<br />
<br />
Everyone ends up chasing The Jersey Devil into the woods. Detective Thompson wants to kill her but the Scoobies just want to tranq her and...I don't know, I don't think even they know what they're going to do after that. <br />
<br />
Non Swanson DOES end up shooting her with his dart. Heh. BUT! She runs away and then the jerk police shoot her DEAD. Mulder and Detective Thompson have a tense confrontation but I'm too distracted by Scully's high waisted pants to pay attention.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV9BdzWbfbol17JCmQ2TT5YaMjhPcCawP_MCozOIoP5cWZ7yBhG5uB7HtdI_yXlKnk_LkA-AX2O4nfOc5p9CxZwGuocqZY3g38ceSd32BXe3WDbm63q-oO6PB1qXZcvninhRkGc-FRhpU0/s1600/scullypants.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV9BdzWbfbol17JCmQ2TT5YaMjhPcCawP_MCozOIoP5cWZ7yBhG5uB7HtdI_yXlKnk_LkA-AX2O4nfOc5p9CxZwGuocqZY3g38ceSd32BXe3WDbm63q-oO6PB1qXZcvninhRkGc-FRhpU0/s400/scullypants.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I guess her mom jeans were dirty. </td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><b> </b><br />
<br />
<b>FBI HEADQUARTERS</b><br />
<b>WASHINGTON, D.C.</b><br />
<b>ONE WEEK LATER</b><br />
<br />
Mulder files some pictures of his dead girlfriend. Scully brings autopsy results of the male and female Jersey Devils. They decide that there were probably baby devils at some point. Mulder is all hyped up about the case and Scully asks if he'll just go out for a beer or take the day off or SOMETHING and he's all, "I can't, I have to go to the Smithsonian and bug someone about shit no one cares about." The phone rings and it's Scully's date from the other night, the human yawn. He asks her out again but she says NO because she'd rather hang out with Mulder.<br />
<br />
Then the episode ends with this:<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLqIna_aPe2Sj-_gEemt6_OieJ5O_5JYMvy6c2K7O5LtccJNicLijnNqVCFOlhmHrwahwxv7NiguBwswxghyphenhyphenYrISx4chnIXZ5szAgqUn8D3TPbpv1CZArATgWnHorU2pEjyG9UnnyFiea/s1600/devil+child.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLqIna_aPe2Sj-_gEemt6_OieJ5O_5JYMvy6c2K7O5LtccJNicLijnNqVCFOlhmHrwahwxv7NiguBwswxghyphenhyphenYrISx4chnIXZ5szAgqUn8D3TPbpv1CZArATgWnHorU2pEjyG9UnnyFiea/s400/devil+child.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I smell a sequel!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-72289278805172290202011-04-27T12:06:00.000-04:002011-04-27T12:06:58.375-04:00Doctor Who: The Unquiet Dead<b>Previously on <i>Doctor Who</i></b>...the Doctor invited Rose to be his companion, she said yes, and they went to the future to fix some fucked up shit. So now, naturally, they're going to the past to (probably) fix some fucked up shit.<br />
<br />
The episode opens with some guy wandering around an old-timey house. We discover he's an undertaker when he comforts a young man who is standing over the dead body of his old aunt or something. The undertaker gives the young man a moment to himself and that's when his aunt comes back to life, kills him, and then escapes from the funeral home. <br />
<br />
WE'VE GOT ZOMBIES, Y'ALL.<br />
<br />
The undertaker, whose name is Mr. Sneed, orders his assistant or maid or something, Gwyneth (not <a href="http://goop.com/">GOOP Gwyneth</a>, but Gwen Cooper from <i>Torchwood </i>only not really never mind, but anyway, I'll be calling her GOOP) to go find the zombie lady. Meanwhile, the Doctor is telling Rose they're going to 1860 and, with her help, he lands the TARDIS. They fall to the floor (they need to work on the landing) and giggle because they are BFF.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5661101797/" title="1laughing by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="1laughing" height="297" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5105/5661101797_b247507e8c.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Was it good for you?</i></div><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
The Doctor tells Rose to change clothes because she'll cause a riot in what she's wearing, it being 1860 and all. Remind me to come back to this next season, when the 10th Doctor lets Rose run around Queen Victoria wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Oops, spoilers. Anyway, Rose comes out in a fancy, old-fashioned dress and is mad because the Doctor is in the same old clothes. "I changed my jumper!" he insists.<br />
<br />
Mr. Sneed and GOOP are out looking for the dead lady. GOOP uses "the sight" (<a href="http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Treehouse_of_Horror_V">SHE'S GOT THE SHINNING</a>) to find out that the lady is going to see a great man...<br />
<br />
Charles Dickens, y'all! Sorry, I'll stop doing that. Dickens is bitching about having to spend Christmas all alone WAH WAH pull it together, Ebenezer. Anyway, he goes onstage and begins reciting <i>A Christmas Carol</i>. The old zombie lady is in the audience and soon begins to, like, glow, which causes Dickens to freak out because I guess he doesn't get a lot of glowing people in his audiences. Everyone in the theater starts screaming and runs away, which of course prompts the Doctor to run toward the source of the screaming.<br />
<br />
The Doctor and Rose run in, as do Mr. Sneed and GOOP. A ghost (or whatever) flies out of the old lady's body, so now she is really most sincerely dead. Mr. Sneed and GOOP take the body so Rose runs after them. She yells at them and they drug and kidnap her to make her shut up. The Doctor sees them loading Rose into their coach and commandeers another coach to chase them. It turns out the coach belongs to Charles Dickens, so the Doctor invites him along, which is really nice of him. Also! In case you were wondering, coach chases are way more boring than car chases. <br />
<br />
They chase the other coach back to the funeral parlor, where Mr. Sneed has locked Rose up with a couple of dead bodies. RUDE. The dead bodies wake up and things look grim. The Doctor gets there in time, though, and rescues her (that's what he does), Dickens trailing behind him. Rose is all, "Hi, who's your friend?" and the Doctor is like, "Charles Dickens" and Rose is like, "...ok" and the Doctor is all, "Can I keep him?" and Rose says, "Only if you promise to clean up after him if he wees in the TARDIS." <br />
<br />
The Doctor introduces himself to the ghost-inhabited dead bodies, because he is way more polite to zombies than I would be. They say they're from The Rift but leave the bodies before they can find out more. Mr. Sneed explains that about three months ago, dead people started waking up and I guess Torchwood doesn't exist yet, right? Because they would be all over this shit. Anyway, Dickens is totally Agent Scullying all over the place and the Doctor tells him to shut up, something I bet Mulder wishes he could have done at least once an episode. To Scully. Not to Dickens. <br />
<br />
The Doctor explains that The Rift is a weak point in space and time WHICH DUH everyone knows that. Dickens wanders off by himself which seems like a smart thing to do in a funeral home where dead people are waking up all by themselves. The Doctor finds him and apologizes for telling him to shut up (pfft, Mulder never would have apologized) and Dickens says he cannot accept that there's an entirely different, nonsensical world out there, a world completely unlike the world he's used to. That's how I feel about Twihards.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5661669556/" title="2twihards by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="2twihards" height="444" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5024/5661669556_dafbe19efd.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Vampires! Don't! SPARKLE! </i></div><br />
Rose and GOOP bond over boys and hating school and Rose discovers that GOOP has "the sight" when GOOP guesses that Rose's dad is dead. GOOP freaks out a bit at what she sees in Rose's head and mentions "big bad wolf," which is important, remember that. BIG BAD WOLF. Just keep it in mind because it's going to break your heart. <br />
<br />
The Doctor comes in and guesses that GOOP's power has gotten stronger, that her power comes from living on The Rift, and that she's the key (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawn_Summers">Dawn?</a>) so the answer to all of their problems is to have a seance.<br />
<br />
Dickens is pissed (GOD, SHUT UP, SCULLY) but reluctantly participates. Some ghosty things appear and say they are called the Gelth. Their bodies were destroyed by the Time War, so the Doctor feels super guilty. The Gelth want the group to open The Rift so they can come through and live in the dead bodies. The Doctor is all, "sure, why not?" and Rose is like, "no, that's wrong!" and everyone else is like, "wait, the ghosts are aliens?" Because the ghosts are aliens.<br />
<br />
GOOP wants to help because she thinks The Gelth are angels, so they all go down to the morgue, because I guess that's where The Rift is the strongest. GOOP stands on top of The Rift to create the bridge and the Gelth all spew out of her mouth because OK sure. It turns out there are a ton of them, which they totally lied about, and, as they come through, they inhabit all the bodies in the morgue. The bodies turn into creepy zombies and want to kill everyone so they can then inhabit those dead bodies because zombies are greedy assholes.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5661101867/" title="3tums by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="3tums" height="500" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5227/5661101867_34290d3840.jpg" width="484" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i>No way TUMS is gonna fix that shit. </i></div><br />
Dickens runs away like a bitch and Rose and the Doctor are trapped in the morgue with the zombies. Things look pretty bleak. Rose is all, "I can't die, right? Because I haven't been born yet," and the Doctor says, "oh, right, sorry, yeah, you can totally die, my bad," but <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1kpVq_vW5w">Rose understands time travel about as well as Hurley</a> so I still don't think she gets it.<br />
<br />
Rose and the Doctor grasp hands and vow to go out fighting. It's a nice moment between the two but, before they can make out (kidding, that's next season...ZING), Dickens comes back. He says they need to fill the room with gas so the Gelth will be sucked out of the dead bodies. This is logical, just trust me. So they turn up the gas in the room and the Gelth fly out of the bodies. The Gelth are just flying around the morgue all wily-nily and everyone who is alive is choking on all the gas and ghost-aliens in the air.<br />
<br />
GOOP says she can't send them back but she can hold them in place while the others escape. They all run away, she lights a match, and BOOM no more Gelth. Or GOOP, for that matter. Rose is sad and the Doctor explains that GOOP was dead the minute she stepped on The Rift, which I think was supposed to make Rose feel better.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5661101921/" title="4threes company by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="4threes company" height="303" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5189/5661101921_44f4e6717b.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you, where the kisses are hers and his and his, three's company, toooooooo</i></div><br />
They find the TARDIS and, as the Doctor and Rose leave, Dickens says he's going to go back to London. He Scrooged himself and wants to reconnect with his family. Dickens asks the Doctor who he is, and the Doctor replies that he's just a friend, passing through. Dickens is then all, "soooo, how long do my books last?" and is pretty psyched when the Doctor says they last forever because DUH WOULDN'T YOU BE? Anyway, the Doctor and Rose get on the TARDIS and the Doctor tells Rose that Dickens will be dead soon because he's just full of good news tonight. <br />
<br />
Dickens doesn't know he'll be dead soon, though, so he laughs as the TARDIS disappears in front of his very eyes, probably because he's all high from the gas, and shouts, "God bless us, everyone!" I'm charmed in spite of myself.<br />
<br />
<b>Next time! </b>A UFO crashes into Big Ben! Harriet Jones! Farting aliens! Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-5096722579664538042011-04-01T11:39:00.013-04:002011-04-01T14:06:52.504-04:00The X-Files: ConduitI don't remember exactly when I started watching <span style="font-style: italic;">The X-Files</span> (I was 11 when the show started, and I doubt I was allowed to watch it then because, at the time, I wasn't even allowed to watch <span style="font-style: italic;">The Simpsons</span>), but I think my mom had something to do with it. She came home one day with some of those <span style="font-style: italic;">X-Files</span> VHS sets. You know, the ones that were like three tapes and each tape had two "important" episodes on them? I had a shitload of these. I might still have them somewhere, which is dumb, because I don't even have a VCR.<br /><br />Well, <span style="font-style: italic;">Conduit</span>, the fourth episode of season one, was on one of those tapes (along with the Pilot), but it was never one of my favorites. I'm not sure why now, because on rewatch, it's easy to see how important it is to the series. It's the first time you really see how much Mulder's sister's disappearance fucked him up, like, forever times a million, and I think it's the first time he acts like a pissy little bitch because Scully is concerned and tries to reign him in. I mean, it definitely won't be the last time, either, so poor Scully.<br /><br />The episode opens with a family camping. The two kids are sleeping outside and the mom is sleeping inside the camper, but she wakes up when it starts shaking. There's a closeup of a cup of coffee and it's all<span style="font-style: italic;"> Jurassic-Park</span>-shakedown, and for a minute I wonder if I forgot there was a T-Rex in this episode.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5579523037/" title="coffee cup by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="coffee cup" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5264/5579523037_e449da26e7.jpg" height="388" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Hold on to your butts.</span></div><br />One of the kids, a teenage girl named Ruby, is abducted, as her young brother, Kevin, watches.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />Over at the FBI, Scully is getting yelled at because Mulder wants to investigate the girl's abduction based on nothing more than a tabloid article. Which, OK, yeah, I buy that the FBI might be upset about that. But at some point, maybe when Skinner comes around, I feel like Mulder investigates cases based on a lot less evidence (tail babies, anyone?), but I think that's because Skinner is secretly in love with Scully so he lets them do pretty much whatever the hell they want.<br /><br />At one point, Blevins (the guy in charge of them who is a total party pooper) talks about Mulder's preoccupation with fringe matters and I start giggling because, well, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fringe_%28TV_series%29"><span style="font-style: italic;">FRINGE</span></a>, duh. We were watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Fringe </span>the other day and some dude got murdered while he was watching <span style="font-style: italic;">The X-Files</span>. That's totally how I want to go out. Anyway.<br /><br />Scully finds Mulder in his office and is all, "I totes just got in trouble and it's all your fault," and he's like, "Shut up, who cares, Lake Okabogee is a UFO hotspot, let's go investigate," because, oh yeah, Ruby got abducted by Lake Okabogee, which is just really fun to say and was also the site of UFO sighting back in the 60s and stuff.<br /><br />They go to Ruby's mom's house. Her name is Darlene but it's not the daughter from <span style="font-style: italic;">Roseanne</span>, unfortunately. Anyway, Darlene tells them her daughter was abducted by aliens. Scully doesn't believe her (obviously) and Mulder lurks creepily over a picture of young Ruby on the mantle. I know it's because this case makes him all emo about his sister, but still.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5579523111/" title="bad touch by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="bad touch" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5055/5579523111_db184e35c3.jpg" height="360" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Show me on the picture where he touched you...</span></div><br />Mulder and Scully go to the police station and the sheriff is kind of an asshole. He thinks Ruby was a bad kid, therefore he doesn't believe she was abducted, but assumes she just ran away because she, like, drank a lot and slept around. It's kind of the, "did you see what she was wearing, she was asking for it" defense, only for abductions instead of rape. Dick.<br /><br />Later, Mulder and Scully meet a blond chick who tells them Ruby was pregnant, only don't pay attention to her because she's lying. She sends them to a motorcycle bar where Mulder and Scully spend most of their time looking extremely out of place.<br /><br />Scully is awakened that night by some NSA agents who just break right into her hotel room. Rude. She looks adorable with her blue pajamas and bedhead but the NSA agents don't care, they want information about this document that Kevin wrote. Remember Kevin? He's Ruby's brother and I forgot to mention this, but earlier he was writing a bunch of ones and zeros on a piece of paper while sitting in front of a Poltergeist TV.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5580109886/" title="pg tv by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="pg tv" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5092/5580109886_2b6eb21412.jpg" height="434" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Um, insert obvious Poltergeist joke here.</span></div><br />Naturally, the NSA agents take Kevin and his mom into custody, because CLEARLY Kevin is a threat to national security. They think the papers with ones and zeroes all over them are super secret satellite codes, but I think that maybe Kevin was just writing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia9N_wZaoa4">a binary solo</a>. They also ransack Kevin's room and are totally rude about it. Mulder and Scully watch helplessly and then decide to go to the woods, where they find a shallow grave. They're worried that it's Ruby but it turns out that it's her boyfriend so WHO CARES.<br /><br />They interrogate the blond girl from earlier and Mulder's totally the bad cop. Scully thinks the case is wrapped up because they get a confession from Blond Girl, but Mulder's not going to stop until Ruby is found. Scully is all, "stop running after your sister," and OUCH, SCULLY. Too far.<br /><br />Anyway, they go to Kevin's house and see this:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5580110048/" title="ruby face by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="ruby face" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5294/5580110048_57f151b77b.jpg" height="320" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Aliens have too much time on their hands.</span></div><br />But no one is home, so they go back to Lake Okabogee, WHICH IS SO FUN TO SAY, YOU GUYS, HAVE YOU TRIED IT YET? Long story short, they find Ruby, but not before Kevin is almost run over by some motorcycles. What sucks is you totally think the lights from the motorcycles are from a UFO at first, but no, it's just a motorcycle gang. DAMN YOU, CHRIS CARTER.<br /><br />Mulder and Scully go see Ruby at the hospital and ask her where she was, but she says she's not supposed to tell. Boo! Darlene yells at Mulder and Scully some more and Mulder storms off like a petulant child but hold on, you're going to feel bad for him in just a minute.<br /><br />Scully, back in her office, listens to some cassette she finds in Mulder's sister's file and it's a tape of Mulder in a hypnotic regression therapy session. Sure. Also, aww, remember tape players? Anyway, Mulder's talking about the night Samantha disappeared and, meanwhile, in present day land, he's sitting in a church, holding a picture of Samantha and crying. DOWNER.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5579523367/" title="mulder sad by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="mulder sad" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5016/5579523367_37af136eae.jpg" height="430" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Better call the waaaaahmbulance.</span></div><br />So, yeah, Mulder's totally messed up, Scully's beginning to realize just HOW messed up he is, and everyone takes a trip to Sadtown, USA, population: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder</span>. What's weird is Mulder's recollection of Samantha's abduction, because he says he was in bed when she was taken. No spoilers or anything, but his story changes later. But, shh, it's not really that important in the grand scheme of the show because so many things are going to get really confusing in, like, four or five seasons.Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-48893082931497663492011-02-17T07:47:00.001-05:002011-04-01T14:13:18.931-04:00Doctor Who, Episode 2: The End of the World<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Netflix synopsis:</span> The Doctor and Rose board the TARDIS and travel to the year 5 billion, the eve of Earth's apocalypse. As various alien emissaries gather to witness the end, one among them has deadly intentions.</span><br /><br />The episode begins where the last one ended, with Rose running straight into the TARDIS. The Doctor asks if she wants to go to the past or to the future and here is where Rose and I differ: I would pick going to the past (because of dinosaurs) but she chooses to go to the future. They start by going 100 years into the future, then 10,000 (to the new Roman empire), but the Doctor says that's totally boring. Rose teases the Doctor all, "You think you're so impressive," and he's like, "I AM so impressive," which...yeah. He takes the bait, though, and sets the TARDIS for KICKASS.<br /><br />They end up in what looks like a spa. But then big window appears and it turns out they are in the best spa ever, floating high above the Earth. IN SPACE. They're 5 billion years in the future, which is way more than 100 years (MATH). They watch the sun rise over the Earth and the Doctor welcomes Rose to the end of the world. Uh, downer. Nice view, though.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="1window by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5452607826/"><img alt="1window" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5251/5452607826_e92b7c76a5.jpg" height="313" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Best date ever?</span><br /></div><br />It turns out they're on some space station called Platform One that's orbiting the Earth. Everyone is there for the big Earth Death party. In the future, rich people watch planets burn up for funsies and the Earth is set to burn in half an hour. You know, this seems like an odd place to take Rose for the first time. That's her home and it's about to burn up in the sun. Anyway, the Doctor explains this all to Rose very matter-of-factly, and Rose wonders whether that's what the Doctor does...runs in and saves the Earth at the last minute. Which...yes, but not this time. He says the Earth's time is up, but not to worry, because all the people have left. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DUCKS? WHAT OF THE POOR, BABY ANIMALS?!<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />Someone from the blue man group bursts into the room and demands to know who they are and what they're doing. The Doctor holds up a bit of paper and explains that they were invited. Rose is his plus one. Aww.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="2blue man by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5452607862/"><img alt="2blue man" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5254/5452607862_b9263993fd.jpg" height="399" width="500" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">I'm afraid I just...blue myself.</span><br /></div><br />The blue man, who I'm going to call Tobius, is the steward. He totally buys the Doctor's explanation, even though the paper he showed Tobius was blank. Tobius leaves and the Doctor explains to Rose about psychic paper. Psychic paper is this paper you show people when you want to lie to them, and they believe whatever you tell them. If I had psychic paper, I would tell everyone it was money so they would give me free stuff. Anyway, Rose is more concerned with the fact that the guy they just lied to is blue. Oh, just you wait, Rose Tyler.<br /><br />It's alien intro time! A bunch of weird looking aliens come in. They are weird looking and aliens. That's pretty much all you need to know.<br /><br />Some tree people (two men and a lady) give the Doctor a gift and he's all, "here's a gift for you, air from my lungs," and then blows in the tree lady's face. She thinks it's hot, because maybe that's a weird mating ritual in the future? Or! It could be because the Doctor has minty fresh breath. Maybe that's a benefit of being a Time Lord. Along with having two hearts and living, like, forever, you also never have bad breath.<br /><br />The next alien to make his entrance is the Face of Boe. He's a giant face. A blue, squatty alien spits on Rose and some dementors give them a weird silver ball thing. The dementors have hands that kind of look like <a href="http://darrylmbutterscotch.com/uploads/2009/10/DrClaw1.jpg">Dr. Claw's</a>.<br /><br />Then they introduce "the last human," who is NOT (surprise!) Rose, but this person named Cassandra. Ugh. Cassandra. Just wait. She's basically a piece of skin all stretched out, but she still has eyes and a mouth. I wish she didn't have a mouth. She has minions around to moisturize her and no, it's not as dirty as what you're thinking.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="3cassandra by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5451996101/"><img alt="3cassandra" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5139/5451996101_1e86be7c63.jpg" height="398" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Who wants to hit this?</span></div><br />Rose gets closer because wouldn't you want a better look at that? Cassandra says she brought gifts and hands out some ostrich eggs. Ostriches, she says, had a wingspan of 50 feet and breathed fire. What's awesome is that she's describing dragons so I'm choosing to believe that she's not just wrong about ostriches, but that at some point in the future, ostriches will evolve into dragons.<br /><br />Cassandra then brings out a jukebox, which she says was called an iPod. They play a song by "one of Earth's most famous composers," which turns out to be Tainted Love. True story. The Doctor bobs his head adorably.<br /><br />At this point, Rose is getting a bit overwhelmed, probably because she's basically in what amounts to the Star Wars cantina, but the lighting is better so she can really <em><strong>see</strong></em> all the weirdo aliens. She rushes out of the room, while the dementors pass out silver balls (heh) to everyone. This is important REMEMBER THIS MOMENT.<br /><br />The tree lady is trying to identify what species the Doctor is on her handheld computer. When the result appears, she says it's impossible. IMPOSSIBLE! I mean, I don't know, if she's getting her information from Wikipedia or something, there's every possibility that it could be wrong. Case in point: <a href="http://www.accesshollywood.com/esperanza-quesadilla-spalding-best-new-artist-winners-wikipedia-page-attacked-by-justin-bieber-fans_article_43820">Esperanza Quesadilla</a>. Stupid Bieber fans. Can you imagine the wealth of (completely wrong) information that will be on the internet in the year 5 billion?<br /><br />Meanwhile, a <a href="http://i.bnet.com/blogs/minority_report_robobugs1.png"><em>Minority Report</em> spider</a> bursts out of one of the silver balls the dementors were handing out. I hope this doesn't mean Tom Cruise is nearby. He's the creepiest alien of them all.<br /><br />Rose, all alone in another room, stares out the window at the Earth. A blue lady comes in to fix something. Rose makes friends with her because Rose makes friends with everyone. The blue lady asks where Rose is from and Rose gets a bit freaked as she talks about how she just hitched a ride with a strange guy. In his magic blue box. That travels through time. And space.<br /><br />Rose leaves the room and the blue lady crawls into the heating vent because she sees two of the spider things. She thinks they're cute until more come after her. They drag her into the vent somehow. Poor blue lady. I liked her.<br /><br />Tobius is in his office with his silver ball, which soon bursts forth a spider creature. He doesn't see it, though, and instead gets on his PA system to ask the owner of the blue box to come to his office. Ooooh, the Doctor is in TROUBLE.<br /><br />Rose is in another room by herself, waiting for Earth Death. Why is she off by herself right now? Should the Doctor be letting her wander around unsupervised? He knows how stupid humans are. A spider comes out of the Doctor's ball (heh) but Rose doesn't notice because she's too busy feeling sorry for <strike>herself</strike> the Earth.<br /><br />The Doctor finds Rose pouting. She ponders the aliens, which are SO ALIEN (her words), but speak English. The Doctor explains that, no, they don't speak English, she just HEARS English, because there's a psychic translation field around the TARDIS, which is the coolest fucking thing in the entire fucking universe, OK? Cooler than the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_fish_%28The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy%29#Babel_fish">Babel fish</a>, even.<br /><br />The Doctor is lounging like he's about to hit on Rose, which is gross because he's way older than her. By like 900 years. (<em>Note: I will not always feel this way AHEMDAVIDTENNANT</em>.)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="4lounging by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5451996147/"><img alt="4lounging" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5096/5451996147_1bed046721.jpg" height="328" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Do I make you horny, baby? </span><span style="font-style: italic;">(I'm so sorry.)</span><br /></div><br />Rose asks him who he is and where he's from, and he gets cranky because what is this, the Spanish Inquisition? You'd think the Doctor of all people would expect that. Badum-bum. Sorry. Again. Rose apologizes and jokes about not being able to get a signal on her cell phone. The Doctor cheers up and futzes with her phone and suddenly she can call anywhere, so she calls her mum. Aww.<br /><br />There's a rumble in the Platform, and the Doctor says that's not supposed to happen. Something weird is going on! What? On this show? Never.<br /><br />Tobius is in his office, trying to figure out what's happening. He sees the spiders when he runs a scan of the Platform. Then one crawls up to him and you know he's about to die. Sorry, Tobius. The spider pushes a button and the sun filter on the window deactivates. Tobius burns up, just like the Earth is going to.<br /><br />But don't worry, the Doctor is on the case. He talks to Jabe, the lady tree person, who thinks Rose is the Doctor's wife/partner/concubine/prostitute. Rose gets offended (naturally) and sends them off to investigate while she goes to talk to Cassandra. Yes, by all means, SPLIT UP AGAIN. These two. Sigh.<br /><br />Poor Rose is talking to Cassandra, who is pointing to the Earth and saying she grew up as a little boy right down there. Wait...what? Did I hear that right? She grew up a little boy? I'm going to assume that's what she said because I don't feel like rewinding.<br /><br />Anyway, it turns out that Cassandra isn't necessarily the last HUMAN, really, but the last PURE human (her words). She thinks it's totally gross that humans would "mingle" with other species. Holy shit, she's a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Eater">Death Eater</a>! Rose calls Cassandra a bitchy trampoline. Heh.<br /><br />The Doctor and Jabe are, like, crawling around ducts or something. Jabe tells the Doctor that she knows what he is. She knows where he's from. She says it's remarkable that he even exists, and that she's sorry. The Doctor has tears in his eyes. WTF, what is happening? Just kidding, I totally know, I just didn't want to rub it in your faces.<br /><br />Rose, meanwhile, gets kidnapped by dementors.<br /><br />The Doctor pulls a panel from the wall and a spider comes out. They catch it and the Doctor says it's on board for sabotage. No! Not sabotage!<br /><br />Oh, holy shit, you guys. This is about to get awesome. Cassandra is making another speech, which (finally) ends with her saying they should mourn the Earth with a traditional ballad. And that ballad is...Toxic, by Britney Spears. I love this show.<br /><br />The Doctor and Jabe find the charred Tobius and the Doctor sees that a sun filter is set to deactivate in another room. And guess who's in that room! If you guessed Rose, then you're right. Good job. Have you seen this episode before?<br /><br />Rose wakes up on the floor to hear a robot voice saying "sun filter descending," which is probably not a comforting thing to wake up to. She starts pounding on the door and the Doctor hears her. Yay! I'm pretty sure he'll probably save her. He starts fiddling with his sonic screwdriver (heh) and the sun filter goes back up. But wait! Then it starts going back down again. Things look pretty bleak for our heroes. Oh wait, the filter goes up all the way...somehow...but they still can't get the door open.<br /><br />The Doctor goes back to the main party, where Jabe is telling everyone that they should probably stick their heads between their knees and kiss their asses goodbye, which is kind of insensitive because not everyone there even HAS knees. Or asses. The Doctor sets one of the spiders loose and tells it to go to its master who turns out to be...Cassandra, duh. Oh wait, no, it goes to the dementors. The Doctor is too smart for that, though, and realizes that the dementors are just droids. Droids that belong to...DUN DUN DUN...Cassandra. She sucks.<br /><br />So, it turns out that Cassandra was planning on holding everyone hostage so she could get money for more surgeries. Gross. Now that she's found out, though, she's just planning on killing them and teleporting off of the Platform. She destroys the force fields so when the Earth explodes, so will they. How RUDE.<br /><br />The Doctor and Jabe run back downstairs. They have to get past some giant, rotating fans in order to push a button that will, I don't know, fix stuff and save them all. Jabe has to stay on one side and hold down some lever (I can't remember why), which means she'll die. Poor tree lady. The Doctor makes it past one of the fans, but the windows are starting to shatter and the heat levels are rising. Tree lady catches on fire and lets go of the lever, so the Doctor is stuck between two fans that are spinning super fast.<br /><br />Then he uses The Force to get past the fan. I'm totally serious. Do you think the Doctor might be a Jedi?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="5jedi by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5452607926/"><img alt="5jedi" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4101/5452607926_cded10528e.jpg" height="299" width="500" /></a><br /><span id="search" style="visibility: visible;"><em>Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good Doctor at your side.</em></span><br /></div><br />Anyway, he gets through and raises the shields just in time for the Earth to explode all over the place. Yay, they're safe!<br /><br />Rose gets out of her room, finally, and meets the Doctor in the main party area. The Doctor tells Jabe's tree friends that she died. He figures out how to bring Cassandra back and she is so going to get in trouble because DAD IS PISSED.<br /><br />She tries to sweet talk her way out of a lecture but the Doctor isn't having it. She soon discovers that her minions aren't there, which means there is no one to moisturize her, so she dries out and explodes. Just like the Earth. BAM, Cassandra, I hope you're hungry because YOU JUST GOT SERVED. Rose asks the Doctor to help Cassandra but he refuses, which is kind of dickish, but I don't care because Cassandra was annoying.<br /><br />Rose and the Doctor watch pieces of the Earth float by the window. Rose is upset because no one was even paying attention when it was destroyed. She's pretty distraught because, you know, her home is floating around in millions of tiny pieces right now. Can't say that I blame her. The Doctor takes Rose's hand and tells her to come with him.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="6jem by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5452607942/"><img alt="6jem" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5053/5452607942_7a16cb892c.jpg" height="492" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Why is Rose dressed like Jem? (IT'S TRULY OUTRAGEOUS)</span><br /></div><p>He takes her back to her time, where there are tons of humans roaming around, and it's pretty much exactly where she needs to be. He finally explains to her that his planet is gone, that it burned, just like the Earth, but before its time. He says there was a war and they lost. Rose asks about his people. The Doctor says he's a Time Lord, and the last of them. He travels on his own because there's no one else. </p><p>"There's me," Rose answers. He asks if she wants to go home or if she wants to keep traveling with him. She can't decide, so in the meantime, they go for chips. Good call.</p><div style="text-align: center;"><a title="7chips by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5451996231/"><img alt="7chips" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5211/5451996231_f8189a6dfb.jpg" height="303" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">That guy behind them totally thinks he's getting chips, too.</span> </div><p><strong></strong> </p><p><strong>Next time:</strong> Charles Dickens! And Gwen Cooper, but not really. </p>Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-65028229316180267542011-02-14T16:40:00.004-05:002011-04-01T14:13:58.899-04:00Lois & Clark, Episode 8: The Green, Green Glow of Home<b><i>Netflix Synopsis:</i></b><i> Lois and Clark investigate a strange green crystal found in Clark’s hometown that depletes Superman of his powers.</i><br /><br /><center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5445814899/" title="kryptonite-rocks-ad by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5016/5445814899_6df75a18df.jpg" alt="kryptonite-rocks-ad" height="500" width="343" /></a><br /><small><i>Now you, too, can own the means to destroy Superman!</i></small></center><br />So here we have the introduction of Kryptonite. Some quick backstory: back in the ’40s, there was a Superman radio show. It was a daily show, and it ran for a really long time, and at one point the actor who played Superman, Bud Collyer, wanted to take a vacation for a week or two. They couldn’t very well play reruns of the show, so instead the writers came up with something that would take Superman out of the picture for a little while. A scientist in Metropolis discovered a strange metal that he believed to be alien in origin, and whenever Superman came near it he would weaken/fall terribly ill. It was called K-metal, and after a long exposure to it Superman was knocked unconscious and Bud Collyer got his vacation. The Superman radio show was so popular that the comic picked up on the k-metal idea (I’m sure it didn’t help that it finally gave Superman a weakness, too). They renamed it Kryptonite, and it’s been a staple of the Superman mythology ever since.<br /><br />Any questions?<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />As the episode opens, Superman is flying over Metropolis when he hears a woman scream that her car has been stolen. He tracks down the thief, driving his new car recklessly through the streets, and lifts the car to keep the thief from escaping. The terrified crook flees from the car, but Superman circles around him to stop him. The thief pulls a gun and fires half a dozen shots at Superman, who catches the bullets with ease. At this, the thief puts his hands in the air and quips, “Man, don’t nothin’ stop you?” Superman smirks and says “Not so far,” and then there’s a CRACK OF OMINOUS LIGHTNING. I would like to point out that this sequence is the most exciting display of Superman’s powers that we’ve seen so far. He uses flight, super-strength, super-speed, and invulnerability all within a one-minute span, and it’s really kind of cool. And then they ruin it with the ominous lightning. Wait, did I say ‘ruin it’? Because clearly I meant ‘made it AWESOME’.<br /><br />Apparently it’s lightninging in Smallville, too, as we cut there and a nervous-looking guy named Wayne Irig in flannel and a trucker’s cap has arrived at the Kent farm and OMG IT’S DEEP THROAT. He’s probably looking for aliens! Run! Jonathan greets him at the door, and Deep Throat asks to talk to him outside. He says that a storm a few days ago blew over one of his trees, and that he found something underneath where the tree had stood. He sent a sample of what he found to be tested, and the next day federal agents were contacting him requesting what he had found. Jonathan asks him what it is, and Irig opens a case to reveal a glowing green crystal, which Jonathan looks at with concern. Has he seen it before? It sure seems like has. Or maybe he’s just gassy from Martha’s meatloaf.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5445778769/" title="LCDeepThroat by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5096/5445778769_37697f8138.jpg" alt="LCDeepThroat" height="362" width="484" /></a><br /><small><i>The truth is right in front of you, Deep Throat!</i></small></center><br />The next day, at the Planet, Jimmy and Cat are looking at Jimmy’s new watch. Well, Jimmy is trying to show it to her, but she’s not all that interested. He says that it’s a STAR Labs prototype that emits a hypersonic signal, and he wonders if they might not be able to use it to contact Superman. Jimmy pushes the button on the watch to activate the signal. Meanwhile, in Perry’s office, Clark, Lois, and Perry are discussing the situation with the Feds in Smallville. Perry thinks they should go to investigate and do a story about it, but Lois is adamant about not doing it because “It’s Smallville”. And not in a ‘Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinatown’ way. Perry says something about Love Canal, and how some reporter there won a Pulitzer, and I don’t know what he’s talking about so I’m just going to move on, but apparently it’s enough to convince Lois to go. Clark, meanwhile, is distracted by the high-pitched noise being emitted by Jimmy’s watch. He finds Jimmy and Cat, and tells Jimmy that maybe he should only use the watch in a real emergency. Also, when the high-pitched noise was being emitted, Jennie, who was in the other room at the time, came into the room and asked what that noise was. Jennie = Supergirl?<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5446378296/" title="Jennie Supergirl by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4096/5446378296_bf93916a8b.jpg" alt="Jennie Supergirl" height="349" width="298" /></a><br /><small><i>Well, obviously.</i></small></center><br />Clark and Lois are in the car, on their way to Smallville. Lois is completely put out that she has to do this, apparently forgetting that it’s her job. Sorry if you’re too good for your job, Lois. Clark says a bunch of stuff about how city slickers like Lois have trouble adjusting to being out in the country. They’re probably too busy looking for Curly’s gold. Lois bitches some more, and Clark says that she’s lucky because this weekend Smallville is holding its annual Corn Festival. A festival of corn. Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. I’m going to name all of the corn products I can think of: corn on the cob, creamed corn, corn bread…that’s it. Man, that’s going to be a pretty damn exciting festival. Lois sure seems thrilled about it. Apparently there’s a Corn Queen Pageant involved in this festival. Lois is going to win. I’m calling it right now.<br /><br />Having arrived in Smallville, Clark and Lois head to Deep Throat’s farm which is crawling with feds. There they are met by Rose from <i>Lost</i>, who tells them that there’s been a plane crash and that Superman needs to go to the island to rescue the survivors. Seriously, how awesome would that have been? Actually she works for the EPA in this timeline (a result of the detonation of a hydrogen bomb, no doubt) and she explains that they’re digging up this poor guy’s farm because they’re testing for ground water contamination from pesticides. Lois asks to speak to the property owner, and Rose tells them that they gave him relocation money but he didn’t say where he was going. They say that they’ll check back with her and leave.<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5446378806/" title="LCRose by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5178/5446378806_540e3994c1.jpg" alt="LCRose" height="359" width="480" /></a><br /><small><i>”I’m sorry, but I’m afraid you’ll have to go back.</i></small></center><br />Meanwhile, Irig is being interrogated by HOLY CRAP it’s the military guy from episode 2. Remember him? He pushed Lois and Clark out of a plane? He’s totally incompetent? That guy? I forget his name, too. He wants to know where the crystal is, but Irig’s not saying. At this point Rose enters and OH MY GOD they’re in the tent on Irig’s farm. If Clark had used his x-ray vision to look around like he usually does, he would have seen them! Of all the times to not use your powers, Clark. You play ping pong with yourself at superspeed, but you don’t investigate properly. Sigh. Rose is surprised to find Irig there and is just generally unhappy with military guy’s methods (his name is Trask, I just looked it up). She asks why the EPA is interrogating people, and Trask says that they don’t but that Bureau 39 does. Rose apparently didn’t know that she was working for Bureau 39, and Trask gives her the option of staying or leaving, but not before he threatens her daughter’s life. Rose and Bernard have a daughter?!? Rose agrees to stay, and tells Trask that she just talked to Lois & Clark. Trask says that Superman can’t be far behind, and Irig continues to flop sweat with nervousness.<br /><br />It’s Corn Festival time! I could not be more excited. Lois and Clark stroll amidst the literally tens of people who have showed up for this exciting event. Clark runs into Rachel Harris, Smallville’s sheriff, who happens to be a friend of his from high school. They talk all southern and country-like (do people in Kansas have Southern accents?), and it’s a darn tootin’ good time. Clark asks Rachel if she knows where Irig is, and she says she doesn’t know, and then she’s called away for…some reason, it doesn’t matter. Lois and Clark continue to mill about, and Clark says that Lois just can’t stand how normal it is here. Yep, everybody in town getting super-excited about corn is totally normal, Clark. Lois scoffs at him and points to a man standing at a nearby grill, telling Clark that she bets he’s a cross-dresser. Except that man is Clark’s dad, so Lois feels like an ass when Clark introduces her to his Pa and Ma. This whole Corn Festival sequence reminds me strongly of the festival scene from <i>Back to the Future, Part III</i>, except ZZ Top doesn’t make an appearance. Which is a shame, because they could really have livened things up. How how how how!<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5445779345/" title="LCLadies by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5094/5445779345_021c189522.jpg" alt="LCLadies" height="358" width="479" /></a><br /><small><i>Now, ladies, there’s plenty of old Clark Kent to go around.</i></small></center><br />Later that evening, the Kents, Clark, and Lois arrive at the Kent Farm. Clark tells his parents that they’re expecting a fax (why don’t you just check your email on your Blackberry, Clark? Oh, right, it’s 1994), and when Martha says “Fax?”, Lois explains in minute detail what a fax machine is and how it works. At which point Martha uncovers theirs and says she’ll need to check the paper. Could Lois be more of an ass in this episode? Man, I hope so, because it is dynamite television. Also, apparently Lois and Clark are staying with his parents, probably because the Daily Planet is too broke to put them up in a hotel because Perry spent half their yearly budget on Elvis memorabilia for his office. It’s an important work expense, of course. Martha says that Lois will be in Clark’s room, and Clark will be on the couch, unless they’d rather share a room. Lois says that they won’t be doing that, and everyone looks mortified. Jonathan and Martha leave, and Clark ribs Lois about how much fun she’s having, which she flatly denies. It strikes me as Clark just being a dick here, because clearly Lois is not having any fun at all. It’s like when your parents take you somewhere you don’t want to go and then insist that you’re having a good time. They’re really just doing it to make themselves feel better about how miserable you are. Ma and Pa come back after having gathered some bedsheets, and Martha leads Lois back to Clark’s room, leaving Clark and Pa to talk. Jonathan tells Clark that the real reason that the Feds are hassling Irig is because of a rock that Irig found, and that he left at the Kent Farm. Clark and Pa head out to the barn where the rock is hidden in its lead case, and when Pa opens it to show to Clark, Clark winces in pain. Pa asks if it might be because of the meteor, but does nothing to cover it up as Clark collapses, passed out.<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5445779615/" title="LCConstipated by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5220/5445779615_c0b340d1f7.jpg" alt="LCConstipated" height="356" width="481" /></a><br /><small><i>Sorry, Pa, I’m just feeling a little…constipated…</i></small></center><br />Jonathan and Martha help Clark into the house, and he’s still in obvious pain. Martha feels his forehead and puts a thermometer in his mouth, but it’s so warm that the thermometer bursts. He tries to lift a jug of water but is too weak to do it, and Jonathan asks how something that came from Clark’s home planet could make him sick. This is an excellent question that Martha shrugs off, saying that the rock is poison and that’s all they need to know. Meanwhile, Lois was awakened by the fax machine. They’ve received a list of all current EPA clean-up sites, and Smallville isn’t on the list. She tells Clark that he looks awful and touches his face, and millions of shippers swoon at their physical contact.<br /><br />The next day, a still-weakened Clark and Lois return to Deep Throat’s farm. Lois shows Rose her EPA list, and Rose shows them a bunch of EPA certificates and an updated EPA list. Clark tries to use his x-ray vision on the tent (about time!), but is too weak to get it to work. Lois and Rose are snotty to each other and Rose walks away. Inside the tent, Rose tells Trask that Lois and Clark came back and that they want to see Irig. She asks for more information about what they’re working on, and Trask explains that they’re looking for a meteorite. She asks why, and he uncovers Clark’s space ship and explains that it was found in Smallville, and that he thinks the meteor could be used to harm Superman. He spouts his conspiracy theory about how Superman is just the first of a group of aliens who are going to enslave mankind, and Rose doesn’t seem terribly amused.<br /><br />At a local outdoor restaurant, Clark and Lois are bickering about how Clark has been treating Lois. He’s been telling people not to mind her because she’s from Metropolis, and apparently he told his mom that Lois is writing a romance novel. Lois asks the waitress for some dirt on Clark, but she can’t come up with anything. Clark flips open his menu and is shocked to get a paper cut on his finger. Lois tells him to put it in his mouth and suck on it, and I giggle because that’s dirty. The Zach Morris cellphone on the table rings, and Lois grabs it, spilling a drink on Clark’s lap. She answers, and it’s Irig. He tells her that he think he’s in Salt Lake City, and we cut to Irig reading a prepared statement with Trask standing over him. The best part of this is when Irig looks up at Trask and rolls his eyes at what he’s been written to say. Lois puts Clark on the phone, and Clark asks how he can get in touch with him. Irig stalls horribly until Trask tells him to end the call. Lois doesn’t believe the Salt Lake City story for a second, and she suggests that they wander around and “see what we can see”.<br /><br />And what they can see is a corn-shucking contest! Damn hell, it don’t get much more exciting than shuckin’ some corn! The guy that wins the contest is also the guy with the best mullet, so I think that must be a subcategory of the contest. Lois is interviewing the onlookers, and Clark talks to his parents about how he’s normal now. I guess I missed the part where he lost his powers, I thought they were coming back. The rules of Kryptonite in this universe are clearly different from the rules in other universes. Clark decides to show his parents that he’s lost his powers, and he heads over to the strength contest (you know, swing the hammer, hit the plunger, ring the bell, win a prize). The teller at this station is the math teacher from <i>Saved By The Bell</i>, and I laughed out loud when I saw him. Good to see the guy getting some work. Clark swings the hammer and the doesn’t ring the bell, to which Lois, who has changed into a nice country dress and maybe seems like she won’t be a total downer anymore, tells Clark that he should stick to corn-husking. Later, Lois and Clark dance to some good old honky-tonk music, and it’s nice to see them bond but it’s otherwise embarrassing for both of them as characters and as actors.<br /><br />After the dance, Lois and Clark wander back over to the strength contest. Clark swings the hammer again, and the little weight goes up a little higher than before. He tries again, and it goes higher still. He tries a third time, and finally he rings the bell. The math teacher gives Clark his choice of prizes, a stuffed bear or a stuffed Superman, and Lois, after much deliberation, takes the bear, which surprises Clark. Lois remarks that she’s never seen him so relaxed, and Clark smiles, probably because his powers are back and possibly because he thinks he might get lucky tonight.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5446379552/" title="LCMerchandise by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4101/5446379552_dd8b539a49.jpg" alt="LCMerchandise" height="357" width="479" /></a><br /><small><i>Maybe Clark should talk to his agent about the sweatshop conditions<br />under which his merchandise is obviously being produced.</i></small></center><br />Back at the Planet (FINALLY), Jimmy walks in on Perry doing some sort of meditation to jungle sounds in his office. Jimmy asks if Perry is trying to de-stress, and Perry snaps at him like the ticking time bomb that we all know he is. Clark’s on the phone, though, so Perry calms down to talk to him. Clark had called Perry to ask that Lois be sent back, as he doesn’t think this is much of a story. Lois calls at the same time, though, and tells Perry that she thinks they’re on to something big. Perry bounces back and forth between them until he eventually says he has to think about it. He decides to take a chance and send Jimmy to be a photographer for whatever story is developing. That ‘developing’ thing wasn’t meant as a photography pun on my part, so I’m sorry if it came across that way.<br /><br />Back in Smallville, Lois & Clark once again go to the Irig farm. They’re planning to wait and see what’s really going on there when they are ambushed by fatigue-wearing goons. They’re taken to Trask, who bellows about how he tortured Irig into talking but Irig never cracked, so they let him go. Rose (I guess her name is actually Sherman, but I’m still going to call her Rose) comes out of the tent, and Lois yells at her about how she’s just a goon and this is surely not what she wanted out of her life. You can tell it’s getting to Rose, and I’m sure before the episode is over she’s going to turn on Trask and sic Vincent on him. Lois is taken away, and Trask tells Clark that he’s convinced there’s a connection between Superman and Clark. Rose enters again and tells Trask that they’ve tracked Irig, and that he’s on his way to the Kent farm. Oh no! Clark’s parents live there! Trask seems pleased that now he might have some leverage over Clark, and he has his goons haul him out of the tent and into a van. From out in the woods, Jimmy photographs the whole thing.<br /><br />At the farm, Jonathan and Martha are worrying over what to do with the crystal when a harried Irig arrives. He tells the Kents about the government people, and Jonathan says that the crystal is dangerous and they can’t take it to the police. He says they need to destroy it, when suddenly Trask and his government goons bust in. Outside, he tells Clark that he’ll trade the safety of Clark’s parents for Superman. Clark makes Trask promise not to hurt his parents, then confesses that he is Superman. BWHAAAAA?!? Trask doesn’t seem to buy it, so he pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Clark, who freaks the fuck out. But Clark, aren’t your powers back? Trask sees Clark’s fear and puts the gun away, telling Clark he wants to see the real Superman.<br /><br />In town, Jimmy has gone to find the sheriff and he finds Rachel and tells her what he knows about Trask and how Lois & Clark are in trouble. They get in her car and head off to try to get in touch with the government. Meanwhile, back at Deep Throat’s farm, Lois convinces Rose to free her. Rose tells Lois that Trask is planning to kill Deep Throat and Clark’s parents by burning the farm down, and that he’s planning to keep Clark around because he’s still convinced that Clark can get in touch with Superman.<br /><br />Inside the van where he is cuffed, Clark can’t break his chains, which I guess answers my question about whether he has his powers or not.<br /><br />Sheriff Rachel and Jimmy are on their way to Deep Throat’s farm when they get a call from Lois, telling them to head to the Kent farm. Lois tells Jimmy that she thinks Superman might be in danger, and she wishes they had some way to contact him. ENTER: SIGNAL WATCH! Jimmy activates the watch.<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5445779921/" title="LCSignalWatch by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5212/5445779921_d618a4d443.jpg" alt="LCSignalWatch" height="179" width="240" /></a> = <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5446378372/" title="signal-watch by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5011/5446378372_1264b2e9e1_m.jpg" alt="signal-watch" height="232" width="232" /></a></center><br />At the farm, Trask sets the gasoline ablaze. Inside the van, Clark suddenly hears the piercing sound of Jimmy’s watch. He tears his chains off and bursts out of the van. He puts out the fire with his super-breath while Trask watches. So now Trask knows that Clark is Superman, which pretty much means that Trask has to die. Clark rushes at Trask at superspeed, but is dropped when he gets near him because Trask has the crystal. He kicks Clark in the face, and then turns to leave. HE LEAVES. This just in: Trask is a Republic serial villain. Before he can leave, though, Clark struggles to his feet, grabs the crystal in agony, and hurls it across the farm, where it explodes on some rocks. Trask pulls his gun and prepares to kill Clark’s parents, but Clark gets up and fisticuffs ensue. Clark overcomes Trask, and Trask tells Clark to kill him, but Clark refuses to do so. The authorities arrive, and Clark turns his back on Trask long enough for him to draw a gun. There is a gunshot, and Rachel has shot Trask, killing him. Lois and Clark embrace, and it seems like Lois actually cares about someone other than herself.<br /><br />Back at the Planet, Perry is reading Lois’s story about what happened in Smallville. Jimmy is disappointed that his watch didn’t work, but Lois tells him not to give up on it. Perry makes sure that Clark doesn’t want his name on the story, and Clark says that it should be Lois’s story because he’s too close to it. Perry then asks Lois what this rock is called, and she suggests that they call it Kryptonium, which Perry likes. Clark chimes in that it was a meteorite, so why not call it Kryptonite. Lois bitches, but relents. Jimmy asks Clark how he feels now that he’s back from all the action in Smallville, and Clark says that he’s feeling super. And then there is an uncomfortably long shot of Clark looking off into the distance, presumably while Lois and Jimmy look at him and wait for him to say something else. He never does, though, and the episode ends.<br /><br /><center> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5446379868/" title="LCWeirdo by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5051/5446379868_a81db0f097.jpg" alt="LCWeirdo" height="360" width="479" /></a><br /><small><i>Goddammit, Clark, what are you looking at now?<br />Is Cat wearing some crazy outfit again?</i></small></center><br /><b>Review:</b> For an episode with no Lex Luthor whatsoever, this one was actually pretty great. Trask is officially our first recurring villain, although he dies at the end of the episode, so oh well. He’s such a broad character, though, maybe it’s for the best. I know that all of the episodes are Lois & Clark-centric, but this one felt especially so, as there was very little of any of the Planet staffers in the episode. It was fun to see Clark and Lois interacting so much without Lois sniping at everything he says, and to see Lois completely out of her comfort zone. The episode isn’t perfect by any means – it’s incredibly predictable (Trask discovering Clark’s identity was something of a surprise), and most of the characters are pretty cookie-cutter – but it was really enjoyable. If I were in the business of recommending episodes, I would recommend this one.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-3980716566540875592011-02-03T18:48:00.006-05:002011-04-01T14:14:33.973-04:00Sports Night, Episode 2: The Apology<b><i>Synopsis from DVD:</b> When Dan is quoted in a national magazine supporting the legalization of marijuana, the network demands an on-air apology, but no one is more sorry than Casey, who is described as the “not-cool-one” in the same article.</i><br /><br />And as thorough as the synopsis for the first episode was, this one leaves quite a bit to be explained, so that’s somewhat exciting. Also, it’s unclear from the synopsis who it is that supports pot legalization, Dan or the magazine he’s quoted in. Also, I don’t expect to see Casey go on the air and apologize for not being cool. Though, really, maybe he should. Anyway. Let’s get to it.<br /><br />As the episode opens, Dan is visibly nervous, though he says it's not about an interview that he gave to Esquire but because one of CSC’s morning aerobics instructors is stalking him. He and Natalie try to determine what the woman’s name is as they prep for the show. He’s totally covering his actual nervousness about the article with this stalker nonsense, but we’ll play along because it’s funny and Dan is just so damn charming. In the control booth, Dana is informed that some pitcher (I don’t remember who, it’s not important) is working on a no-hitter in the 7th inning, and she instructs Dan and Casey to tease it in the live promo that’s coming up. Jeremy insists that they shouldn’t do this because it’s bad luck for the pitcher to do so, but Dana ignores him. Dan and Casey complete the promo, complete with tease, and moments later the pitcher loses the no-hitter. Jeremy consoles Dana, who clearly does not care.<br /><br />The next day, everyone in the office is reading Dan’s article. Casey and Dana discuss whether Dan might be in trouble, but Casey is more concerned with the fact that he is portrayed in the article as not being cool. Something to think about, Casey: if you’re sitting around worrying about whether or not you’re cool, you are definitely not cool. Dana tells Casey that lawyers from Standards & Practices are in Isaac’s office at the moment discussing what to do about Dan. It seems that Dan mentioned being a member of a group that supports the legalization of marijuana, and this is a problem for the network probably because drugs are bad, m’kay?<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5414668464/" title="SNCaseyMcCool by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4079/5414668464_78f18dba69.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="SNCaseyMcCool" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Just call me Casey McCool.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Casey heads back to the office he shares with Dan, and on the way is approached by Natalie, who asks him to help Jeremy edit his first highlight reel. Natalie says that she would do it, but she “may have certain feelings” for Jeremy, and she doesn’t want them to compromise her subjectivity. That’s a totally professional thing to do, Natalie. Though maybe going around telling everyone that you may have feelings for the guy that you helped hire is the opposite of professional. Maybe she should be meeting with Standards & Practices.<br /><br />Dan arrives at the office as Natalie is leaving. Casey remarks that Dan’s stalker seemed to show no interest in him earlier that morning, and Dan shrugs it off, saying that this is how stalkers work. Dan seems to have an intricate understanding of how stalkers operate, and I doubt it’s because he’s been stalked before. Casey asks Dan when his meeting with Isaac and the lawyers is, and Dan says that it’s right now and that he’s making them wait for him. They discuss how the writers of the Esquire article missed Dan’s point, which, he explains, is basically that the law that criminalizes marijuana is a bad law because it makes criminals of millions of people and the money used enforcing the law could be better used elsewhere. Not a bad point, except he forgot the part where drugs are bad, m’kay? I mentioned that earlier, he might want to go back and check it out. They then discuss how Casey isn’t cool, and Casey asks Dan for help, to which Dan reminds him that he was never cool to begin with. Burn, Dan, but you’re saying what we’re all thinking, and I thank you for that. Isaac arrives shortly after, clearly perturbed by Dan’s absence, to demand that Dan get up to his office.<br /><br />In Isaac’s office, the lawyers from Standards & Practices explain that, while they may not necessarily disagree with him, they still have an image of healthy living to project and Dan’s statements do not fall in with that image. Luthor Sachs, the CEO of Continental Corp. (CSC’s parent company), has requested that Dan issue an on-air apology to the viewers who may have been offended by his comments. Dan balks (it’s like scoffing, not like when a pitcher winds up but doesn’t throw the ball), and the lawyers remind Dan that there is a morals clause in his contract that he must uphold, to which Dan argues that his opinion is not immoral. The lawyers also mention that Dan is quoted in the article as saying he hasn’t used drugs in 11 years, which caught the eye of CSC’s insurance company as being something that a recovering drug addict might say. Isaac finally intervenes and tells Dan to do what they’re asking, not because he agrees with it but because it’s just how things are done. He dismisses the meeting, and after the lawyers leave Dan tells him that he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say. Isaac says that Dan needs to apologize. Dan asks to whom he should apologize, and Isaac simply replies, “Who cares?” Sage advice from Benson.<br /><br />Later that day, Casey tracks down Jeremy to help him edit his baseball highlight footage. Casey explains that most highlights are 30 to 40 seconds long, and that Jeremy’s is too long at eight and a half minutes. Jeremy puts up a spirited defense about how there is action in baseball beyond hitting, and that it’s important to show the battle of wills that takes place between a batter and a pitcher. Nevertheless, Casey insists that Jeremy make the footage shorter. I think that Casey is just intimidated by the length of Jeremy’s footage. Casey’s footage is only 20 seconds long. Poor guy. Between that and the fact that he’s not cool at all, it’s no wonder his wife left him.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Dana and Natalie have just ended a meeting with the technical crew of the show. Dana asks if Dan or Casey need anything before the show, and Natalie replies that Casey needs a woman. Apparently this is something that she has brought up to Dana before, because Dana gets instantly defensive, saying that Casey got divorced two weeks ago, but Natalie persists, saying that Casey needs knives, forks, and a woman. Apparently women come with utensils? This is news to me. I bet it’s awesome to date Natalie, though, she just carries a bag of knives and forks with her. You’ll never be without a necessary eating tool again, you date that girl. Natalie says that Casey is reaching out to Dana and that she is missing his signs, but Dana brushes her off. She never denies that she might be the woman for Casey, she just says that Natalie should leave her alone about this.<br /><br />Two hours later and fifteen minutes until airtime, Casey and Jeremy are still working on the highlight reel. There’s more discussion about the battle and affecting people’s appreciation of baseball, until Dana comes in and tells them that she needs the tape now. She rattles off three short bits to include in the reel, and Jeremy exclaims that this is a travesty, to which Dana simply smiles and exits with Casey on her heels. They discuss some show stuff, and as Casey walks off to get ready for the show, Dana asks him if he has spoons and a fork, to eat with. Casey looks at her like she’s a crazy woman. Then she asks if he has a whisk, and Casey asks if he can’t just use the fork. He leaves, clearly bewildered, and Dana gets all twitchy like she does sometimes before finally getting it together to run the show. Also, does Dana think that the only utensils a person needs are some spoons and one fork? Does she wash her fork after every use so that she can just use the same one over and over again? And a whisk is an essential utensil, but no knives? Dana Whitaker, you are a baffling woman.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5414061117/" title="SNWhisk by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5174/5414061117_735255c27e.jpg" width="500" height="379" alt="SNWhisk" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Fun fact: I learned how to whisk based on Dana pantomiming it.</SMALL></i></CENTER><br />Later on during the show, Dan issues his apology. He tells the viewers about his younger brother, Sam, who is brilliant and a great source of pride for the family, and who’s dead. Sam emulated his older brother, which meant, according to Dan, smoking a lot of pot. He was killed in a car accident when he was 16, having been hit by a semi while driving drunk and high. Dan explains that this happened 11 years ago, and he apologizes to Sam for not being a better role model. There is a long, stunned silence in the studio after Dan takes the show to commercial, and finally Casey leans across the desk to Dan and starts talking about how cool he is because he listens to the Starland Vocal Band. They discuss other icons of cool (Jack Nicholson, the Muppets, and Zamfir, master of the pan flute among them) as the episode ends.<br /><br /><b>Review:</b> I should say right off that this is one of my favorite episodes, I think largely because it’s Dan-centric and I’ve always found Dan to be my favorite character on the show. He really is the cool one, where Casey is not at all, though that might be part of Casey’s charm. The episode as a whole has a lot going on – we get some important back story for Dan, some nice interaction between Dan and Isaac (whose relationship I’ve always enjoyed), the beginning of Natalie having feelings for Jeremy (and the seedling of Dana having feelings/having always had feelings for Casey), and an entertaining, if not extremely unrealistic, character-building side story for Jeremy.<br /><br />Let’s talk about Jeremy for a moment. The bit at the beginning about the pitcher with the no-hitter is brilliant. It’s funny, and it underscores the love and respect that Jeremy has for sports. And then we have his eight and a half minute highlight reel, and while it certainly fits the character trait displayed earlier, it's also completely ludicrous, and I have to ask: what the hell, man? Have you ever even seen a sports show before? If you have (and he said in the last episode that he’d seen every episode of Sports Night), then you know what a highlight reel is supposed to look like. So I guess my question becomes, not what the hell, but why the hell? Why would Jeremy do something like this, that he has to know in his gut is just going to be replaced with a thirty-second clip? I almost wonder if he didn’t think he would get away with it, that maybe he could get this one reel in, and then another, and another, until he is finally able to make Sports Night what he thinks it should be. He created an eight and a half minute masterpiece, and forces beyond his control (the basic format of the show) chopped it to shreds. Is Sorkin letting off steam here about the half-hour format of the series, the network-imposed studio audience/laugh track? Who knows. All I know is, the story is entertaining, but it also felt highly implausible.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5414063999/" title="SNApology by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5019/5414063999_a07e1059f0.jpg" width="500" height="380" alt="SNApology" /></a></CENTER><br />There is an underlying tension in this episode, and I think that tension is due to the idea of perception. Dan is in trouble because it appears to Luthor Sachs that he condones drug use. Isaac makes Dan apologize not because he agrees with Sachs, but because he needs it to look like he does. Dan tells people he’s nervous about his ‘stalker’ because he wants to appear unphased by the trouble he’s in about the article. Casey is upset because the magazine article makes it look like he’s not cool. Natalie pressures Dana to go after Casey because she perceives Casey to be reaching out to Dana for help in the wake of his divorce (though how much of this Natalie actually thinks and how much of it is just Natalie being Natalie is hard to tell). Jeremy wants to use his highlight reel to change the way the show’s viewers see baseball. Dana and Isaac both note during the show that it looks like the set is changing colors, and the technicians argue over what might be causing the supposed change. It’s really that last one, which has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the episode, that drives this idea home for me. I’m not sure what the show is trying to say about this, but I do find it interesting, and it may be something to think about during future episodes. I’d love to hear what others think.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-60157874989283091652011-02-01T02:40:00.003-05:002011-04-01T14:15:29.196-04:00Doctor Who (9th Doctor), Episode 1: Rose<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><strong>Netflix synopsis:</strong> Department store clerk Rose Tyler meets the mysterious Doctor when he rescues her from a squad of killer mannequins. She then faces a tough decision when the Doctor asks her to join him on his dangerous time travels.</span><br /><br />I knew nothing of <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Doctor Who</span> when I watched this episode the first time and at the time, I was all, "killer mannequins, wtf?" I actually thought the whole thing was fairly ridiculous and almost quit watching, but I'm so, SO glad I didn't. I'm excited to watch all of them (the new series) again now that I fully appreciate how much fun this show is. Honestly, the main reason I'm reviewing it is because we finished Series 5 a while ago and I just really, really wanted to watch it all over again. Also, I want Ashley to watch this show already. Heh.<br /><br />I love the theme song. It's my ringtone.<br /><br />SPACE! The final frontier. Wait, wrong show. Anyway. The episode opens with an alarm buzzing and a young, blonde woman rushing out of bed. I'm going to tell you right now that her name is Rose. Just like the episode!<br /><br />Rose kisses her mum (that's british for mom) goodbye and goes to work at a store called Henrik's. Retail. Ugh. She plays kissy face with her boyfriend at lunchtime but has to go back to work. The store closes (FINALLY), but as Rose is leaving, she's handed a bag that she has to take downstairs (to the...basement?) to someone named Wilson.<br /><br />He's not there, though, and Rose hears a strange noise. She has apparently never seen a horror movie before, so she goes to investigate. That's not really fair, though, because she just thinks someone is messing with her. I would probably do the same thing. And then I would get axe murdered.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />Rose turns on a light and we see she's in a room filled with mannequins. They're creepy. Shit gets even creepier when the door slams and Rose is locked in with the mannequins. This would normally be OK, they're just mannequins, but this is <em>Doctor Who</em>, where things are never normal. She walks past a mannequin and it slooooowly turns to look at her, but she doesn't notice. She DOES notice when the mannequin and his friends start walking toward her. She's still hoping someone is pranking her but you can tell she doesn't really believe it. The mannequins back her into a corner but WAIT! A man grabs her hand, tells her to run, and pulls her to safety. Whew.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a title="1grab hand by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406030745/"><img height="298" alt="1grab hand" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5138/5406030745_f42c24b7f5.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>Come with me if you want to live.</em></div><br /><div align="left">They run down the hall and the mannequins chase them. In the process of getting on an elevator, the man pulls a mannequin's arm off. Rose asks him what's going on. He doesn't really explain...anything, which we'll find out later is sort of his thing, but tells her Wilson is dead. NOOOOOOOOO! WILSON! </div><br />The man rushes off the elevator, using his sonic screwdriver (we don't know that's what it is yet, but I don't know what else to call it) to do something to the controls. Rose follows. He tells her the mannequins are made of living plastic and are being controlled by a device somewhere, a device he's desperate to find. He rushes Rose out of the building and tells her not to tell anyone about this or she'll get them killed. He sends her on her way, mentioning that, oh yeah, he's the Doctor.<br /><br /><p align="center"><a title="2esplode by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636558/"><img height="297" alt="2esplode" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5260/5406636558_6641448f15.jpg" width="500" /></a> <div align="center"><em>Do you think she'll get severance?</em><br /><br /></div><div align="left">Rose does as told and runs away and then BOOM Henrik's explodes. That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!<br /><br />Rose goes home and her mum (Jackie, btw) wanders around the flat, blabbing to someone on the phone about how her daughter almost died. The mannequin arm is just chilling in an armchair and looks pretty comfortable. Rose's boyfriend, Mickey (ugh), rushes in and asks what happened. Rose plays dumb, like she didn't get attacked by walking mannequins earlier. Jackie tells Rose that there's someone on the phone who wants to pay her for an interview. Rose is all, "awesome, let me see the phone!" and then hangs up on them. It's hilarious.<br /><br />Mickey suggests they go to the pub because Rose must need a drink (truth), but really he just wants to watch some match. Mickey kind of sucks right now, but he'll get better, I promise. Rose sends him on his way and tells him to take the mannequin arm with him, which he throws in the dumpster on his way to the pub.<br /><br />The next morning, Rose's alarm buzzes but she turns it off and stays in bed because her job blew up the day before. At breakfast, Jackie suggests a bunch of shitty jobs that Rose should apply for but Rose is not excited. Rose hears something at the cat flap, trying to get in. She thinks it's a stray cat. I worry that it's a mannequin arm. We're both wrong. It's just the Doctor. But I suppose he is kind of a stray, so Rose was a bit correct.<br /><br />He's all, "what are you doing here?" and Rose is like, "um, I live here." She drags him inside because she obviously has questions about, you know, the killer mannequins. Jackie totally tries to hit on him but he's all, "ew, no." Too right.<br /><br />The Doctor bumbles around the flat, poking through magazines and throwing playing cards all over, as Rose makes some coffee. She tries to ask him questions but he's definitely not paying attention. I think the Doctor has ADD. The Doctor hears a strange noise and asks if she has a cat but no, it's the mannequin arm and it starts strangling him and Rose just, like, doesn't pay attention until it attacks her face.<br /><br /><p align="center"><a title="3strangle by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406030821/"><img height="301" alt="3strangle" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5216/5406030821_2263e33588.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><em>Hey, Rose, can I get A HAND over here? Get it? (I'm sorry.)</em></p><div align="left">Jackie, meanwhile, is oblivious. STANDARD. The Doctor gets the hand off of Rose's face and makes it all harmless, using his sonic screwdriver. He leaves and Rose follows. EVEN MORE STANDARD.<br /><br />Rose says she'll go to the police if he doesn't tell her what's going on. He says that the plastic things are after him, not her, but she got in the way the night before by, I don't know, being at work. How dare she. Rose buys it, I guess, and asks who's helping the Doctor stop the mannequins. No one, is his answer, because all humans do is eat chips and watch telly. True. Also, mmm, chips.<br /><br />The Doctor says he needs to shut off whatever device is controlling the mannequins, because they're on Earth to overthrow the human race.<br /><br />"You believe me?" he asks. Rose says no. "But you're still listening," he says.<br /><br />The Doctor grabs the mannequin arm and tells Rose to forget him and just go home. They go their separate ways. He gets in a blue police box and Rose hears a strange noise. She runs back to where she left the Doctor and the police box is gone. Wah wah.<br /><br />Rose goes to Mickey's. He offers to make her coffee while she uses his computer. She starts typing stuff into a search engine, like "Doctor" and "Doctor living plastic," and comes up with nothing until she searches "Doctor blue box." That leads her to a website called Doctor Who, complete with a picture of said Doctor, run by someone named Clive. </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="center"><a title="4website by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636636/"><img height="400" alt="4website" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5058/5406636636_104578a31e.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><em>Website courtesy of Geocities</em></div><br /><div align="left">Rose and Mickey go see this Clive. Mickey's worried that Clive is a crazy lunatic murderer because everyone knows that internet people are unhinged and probably axe murderers. He waits in the car while Rose goes into Clive's house. What a gentleman.<br /><br />Clive is a family man who just happens to be a Doctor expert. He's got a whole shed full of Doctor stuff. He's got pictures of the Doctor at the Kennedy assassination, as well as a picture of him with a family that was supposed to be on the Titanic, but got off for unknown reasons. Ooooh, spoooooky. The Doctor is a legend, Clive says, woven throughout history. He shows up when there's trouble. Or he creates the trouble. It's a little of both, I think.<br /><br />While Rose is getting educated, Mickey is hanging out in the car. A trashcan in front of the car starts moving toward him. Mickey, of course, gets out to investigate. Because, who knows, maybe there's a puppy stuck in that trashcan and hey...free puppy!<br /><br />He opens the trashcan but there's nothing inside. He tries to walk away but his hands are stuck and, well, he gets sucked inside the trashcan. Like the trashcan ate him. The trashcan even burps. Awesome. </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="center"><a title="5trashcan by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636696/"><img height="298" alt="5trashcan" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5139/5406636696_873fb6313a.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>I don't even know.</em></div><br /><div align="left">Clive tells Rose that the Doctor is immortal, an alien from another world. Rose leaves and gets back in the car with Mickey, saying that Clive was crazy but I feel bad for Clive because he's actually right about everything. Mickey looks weird(er) because he's now made out of plastic. See:<br /><br /><div align="center"><a title="6mickey plastic by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636750/"><img height="400" alt="6mickey plastic" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5251/5406636750_1b6fd9cccb.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>I seriously can't tell the difference.</em></div><br /><div align="left">They go to a restaurant and Mickey's acting totally weird but Rose doesn't notice. He keeps asking her questions about the Doctor but Rose doesn't want to talk about him. Fake Mickey says he can help her, but she has to tell him where the Doctor is. Someone brings them champagne but Fake Mickey says they didn't order any. The champagne-giver tries again but Fake Mickey keeps sending it away. They finally look up and see it's the Doctor. He's so great, saving Rose and then bringing them some champagne.<br /><br />The Doctor shakes up the champagne and shoots the cork right into Fake Mickey's forehead. Fake Mickey absorbs it into his head and then spits it out. Gross. He then turns his hand into a giant paddle thing and karate chops the table. Don't worry, though, because the Doctor straight up RIPS HIS HEAD OFF. The head keeps talking and the body gets up and continues to chop stuff. It's kind of like the Floating Head Doctor thing from <em>Scrubs</em>, only better.<br /><br />Rose sets off the fire alarm to get everyone out of the restaurant and she and the Doctor run away. The blue police box is in the alley, and the Doctor tells her to get in. She's all, "we can't hide inside a wooden box," but finally runs in and then, when she sees what's inside, runs back out. I think she probably just pooed herself.<br /><br />She runs all around the outside of blue box and then, as headless Fake Mickey's paddle hands burst into the alley, she runs back in. She definitely poos herself again because the blue box...it's bigger on the inside.<br /><br />The Doctor is plugging wires into Fake Mickey's head, saying he can find the source of the signal with it.<br /><br />Rose is having a bit of a freakout, meanwhile, asking if the blue box is alien (yes) and if the Doctor is an alien (yes). He explains that the box is called the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). Rose starts to cry. The Doctor thinks it's culture shock but Rose is really just upset because, you know, her boyfriend was turned into plastic and his head got ripped off. The Doctor is unconcerned, as am I. I feel bad that Rose is upset, though. The Doctor throws some levers around and the TARDIS vroop-vroops away. The Doctor runs outside and they're suddenly in a different place.<br /><br />The Doctor is getting pretty annoyed with Rose's questions. He's cranky because he's trying to save the world and no one even appreciates him. The Doctor is PMSing something fierce. Rose is all, "if you're an alien, how come you sound like you're from the North," and he's all testy like, "lots of planets have a North," and I love them both. Rose asks about the TARDIS and he cheers up, because he and the TARDIS have a very special relationship. They're a little <em><strong>too</strong></em> close, if you know what I'm saying.<br /><br />Rose asks why The Nestene Consciousness (because, um, that's what is controlling the plastic) wants Earth and basically it's because we've destroyed the planet with toxins. Go, humans! Rose asks how they can stop it (it being The Nestene Consciousness) and the Doctor pulls out a vial of blue liquid, which he says is anti-plastic. Sure. They need to find the transmitter, which has to be something round and massive, slapdash in the middle of London. He says all of this standing in front of the London Eye. So yeah, that's the transmitter, right? </div><br /><div align="center"><a title="7london eye by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406030971/"><img height="332" alt="7london eye" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5177/5406030971_f573557fb5.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>TURN. AROUND.</em></div><br /><div align="left">To the London Eye! They run holding hands, awwww. The Doctor says all the plastic in the world will soon come alive, so they're kind of under the gun. They go underground and yep, there it is. It's all red and glowy, so you know it's bad. They find a platform overlooking a big vat of what looks like lava, but is apparently The Nestene Consciousness. Whatever, I'm calling it lava.</div><br /><div align="center"><a title="8magma by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636822/"><img height="295" alt="8magma" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5255/5406636822_a2daa7ac15.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>Liquid hot MAG-MA.</em></div><br /><div align="left">Rose is all, "just throw in that anti-plastic and let's GTFO of here," but The Doctor says he doesn't want to kill it. So he stands over the thing and says he wants to talk to The Nestene Consciousness. The lava groans in response and I guess the Doctor can understand it.<br /><br />Rose sees Mickey and runs down to free him, while the Doctor gets closer to the lava. The Doctor yells at it and tells it to leave but the lava doesn't want to. I don't know. I can only understand half of this conversation. The Doctor pleads with the lava to leave and two lackey mannequins come out and grab him. One of them finds the anti-plastic and THEY ARE PISSED. The Doctor insists he only brought it as a last resort but I don't think they much care.<br /><br />They bring out the TARDIS and the Doctor gets all frantic. He yells about how he, "couldn't save your world, couldn't save any of them," in some big war that he fought in. The big war is The Time War, I'll just tell you, but if you want to learn more about it, either WAIT or go look it up on Wackopedia. I can't do all your work for you, OK?<br /><br />Rose asks what's going on and the Doctor says the final invasion is starting. Rose, of course, is worried about her mom. She calls Jackie and finds out she's gone into town to do some shopping. Rose tells her to go home but Jackie hangs up instead because she wants to spend some moneys. The lava starts transmitting through the London Eye.<br /><br />Clive and his family are at the same store as Jackie, and see that the mannequins are starting to move. Everyone thinks it's funny until they burst through the windows and start attacking people. OMG, even the little kid mannequins are moving and it's totally creepy. </div><br /><div align="center"><a title="9creepy kids by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406636930/"><img height="336" alt="9creepy kids" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5093/5406636930_1827cb521c.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>Almost as creepy as the sound of children singing...</em></div><br /><div align="left">Clive is excited because he thinks he's being proven right, but he doesn't get to be happy for very long because one of the mannequins shoots him. Sad face.<br /><br />The Doctor tells Rose and Mickey to get out as he struggles with the mannequin holding him. All looks lost and I'm pretty sure they're probably going to die. Is this season only one episode long?<br /><br />The mannequins in town are attacking, like, everyone. Jackie is running and screaming and looks like she's going to get away, but then she's cornered by some bride mannequins.<br /><br />Mickey wants to leave the Doctor but Rose has a plan, because Rose is awesome. She swings on a chain like Tarzan and kicks the mannequin holding the anti-plastic into the lava. The Doctor catches her as she swings back around and they run away. They run a lot on this show. Cardio is important and not only in zombie attacks. The transmission has stopped, luckily, and the mannequins start malfunctioning. Mickey, Rose, and the Doctor escape in the TARDIS.<br /><br />They get out of the TARDIS and Mickey freaks out and falls down. SIGH. Rose calls her mom right away to make sure she's OK because she's a good daughter. The Doctor admits that Rose saved his life and invites Rose to come with him. He tells her the TARDIS goes anywhere in the universe but Mickey isn't invited. Good call.<br /><br />Rose asks if it's always this dangerous and he says yes. She says she can't go, she has to find her mom and look after Mickey (aka "this stupid lump" which...yes). The Doctor is sad and Rose is unsure of her decision, probably because Mickey is holding onto her like a child and whimpering. GET IT TOGETHER, MICKEY. The TARDIS disappears and Rose looks sad. She leads Mickey away but wait! The TARDIS is reappearing! Hooray!<br /><br />The Doctor pops out and says, "did I mention, it also travels in time?" Rose is all, "PEACE I'M OUT," to Mickey, and runs happily into the TARDIS...and adventure and stuff. </div><br /><div align="center"><a title="10rose happy by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5406031153/"><img height="450" alt="10rose happy" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5294/5406031153_29b0e085b7.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div align="center"><em>Wheeeeeeeeeee! My heart is breaking already, you guys.</em></div></div></div>Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-66150606410603927852011-01-31T05:28:00.003-05:002011-04-01T14:16:21.552-04:00Lois & Clark, Episode 7: Smart Kids<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Netflix synopsis: Lois and Clark save Metropolis from the rule of several children who were victims of a chemical experiment to increase their intelligence. </span><br /><br />When will we ever learn? <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_%28The_X-Files%29">Don't make kids super smart</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Beckworth State School</span><br /><br />An adorable child is holding a leash, which is attached to an adorable pig. But really all pigs are adorable, so I didn't even really need to say that. I said it anyway, though, because that's what I do. The taller boy next to her is kind of snotty and asks what Socrates is doing there and she's all, "I'm not leaving him!" and I don't blame her because again: adorable pig. Also, the girl looks really familiar.<br /><br />Another kid is using some crazy bleep bloop remote thing to break into a locked door. There's also another girl there but she doesn't say anything so I guess she's not important. They're breaking into the infirmary, btw.<br /><br />The kid with the bleep bloop remote is breaking into a safe or something. There are vials of some red liquid (Kool-Aid? OH YEAH) inside the safe and the tall boy says, "OK, let's get smart." Then they do shots of the red liquid out of those medicine cups you get with cough medicine. See:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="1shots by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5402522712/"><img height="322" alt="1shots" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5172/5402522712_e4ff477659.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Mmm, Robitussin.</span><br /></div><br />Yum! They are instantly smart. Or high.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />Later, Lois is walking down the street carrying two grocery bags. I think she lives in Carrie Bradshaw's building. You know what's weird? There's no loaf of french bread sticking out of the bags. I thought that was mandatory for TV grocery bags. Whatever. A can falls out of one of the bags so Lois tries to pick it up. Instead she falls down. I don't even know what happened because she barely moved and then BOOM just fell down. I have no room to talk, though, because I often fall over even though I was just standing still. <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/210440/parks-and-recreation-flu-season">It's like the floor and the wall switch or something</a>. Anyway, it's always fun to watch Lois fall on her ass.<br /><br />The smart kids walk by and laugh at her. They still have the pig. Lois is all, "is that a PIG?" Um, yes, Lois. WTF? Did she hit her head? The kids laugh at her again. I love these kids. They basically call her a dumbass and walk away. Lois is having a rough night.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">The Daily Planet</span><br /><br />Clark randomly drops some knowledge about Borneo and how he saved some orangutans or something. Cat wants Clark to broaden her horizons and Jimmy thinks orangutans look wise. Compared to Jimmy, my dog's stuffed monkey toy is wise.<br /><br />Perry comes in and depresses everyone by telling them that Elvis's pet monkey drank itself to death. WHAT?! Is that true?<br /><br />Then they have a boring meeting. Jimmy brings something up about kids missing from the Beckworth school and Perry says it's boring and that Jimmy is stupid. Perry goes off about how there must be something interesting happening somewhere and just like that, the TV turns on, all by itself. No one runs away screaming because I guess they've never seen <em>Poltergiest</em>.<br /><br />Anyway, it's one of the adorable children, all dressed up like a news anchor. Awwww. Their show is called Smart Kids News and, I don't know, they're supposed to be geniuses and that's the best they could come up with? I don't buy it. Smart Kid Anchor tells everyone not to look for them OR ELSE and then puts on an old Porky Pig cartoon. Then like thirty seconds later two of the other smart kids come back on and start talking about the metaphorical content of what they were just watching. It also looks like they're sitting in front of a Dalek. Random. Also, EXTERMINATE.<br /><br />The newsroom is silent as everyone watches, dumbfounded. Maybe they didn't understand the Porky Pig cartoon.<br /><br />Apparently the kids were on every TV in Metropolis even though Clark says it's impossible. Clark. The guy who can fly. And has heat vision. And is generally invincible. Anyway, the kids names are: Amy (girl with the pig), Phillip (the Smart Kids news anchor), Dudley (kid with the bleep bloop remote, not Dursley). We don't get the other girl's name, I guess because she hasn't had any lines yet.<br /><br />Lois feels like she's seen Amy before and that's enough for Perry to give her the case. Sure.<br /><br /><strong>Lex's House of Love<br /></strong><br />Some old dude in a bow tie and a plaid sports jacket is in Lex's office, all, "we must get them back!" The old guy is Dr. Carlton but I barely heard his name because I was too busy cheering when I saw Lex was going to be in the episode. The doctor keeps freaking out so Lex straight up SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE. I had to pause the episode for like five minutes because I was laughing so hard.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="2slap by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5401922539/"><img height="306" alt="2slap" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5258/5401922539_7d02d497f8.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Happy Slapsgiving, everybody. </span><br /></div><br />"Better?" asks Lex. He's so considerate. If they were in prison, Dr. Carlton would so be Lex's bitch. Wait, it doesn't matter, he's still Lex's bitch. Dr. Carlton is worried about the kids talking, and Lex says they're too smart for that, because if they talk, they don't get anymore Metamide 5. Yep. Metamide 5.<br /><br />Lex asks just how smart these kids are and Dr. Carlton says their IQs have risen by...a lot, basically. Lex wonders how long it will be until the kids reach Stage 2. Dr. Carlton says the only way to figure that out is...vivisection. Awesome. Lex is totally OK with that and that is why we like Lex. Less than two minutes on screen and he's already A) slapped a guy in the face and B) endorsed the vivisection of children.<br /><br /><strong>Some Taxi Somewhere</strong><br /><br />There's a traffic jam. I bet the kids did it. Lois, Clark, and Jimmy are stuck in a cab in the traffic jam. Clark reads them stuff about Beckworth school, which is basically a school for "problem kids" who are also orphans. Lois calls them brats and Clark is more sympathetic, probably because he's also an orphan.<br /><br />They go to the Beckworth school and question someone who works there. If Voldemort grew up in America, I bet he would have lived at Beckworth. Lois tries to get into the infirmary but apparently no one is allowed in there except Dr. Carlton. Clark uses his x-ray vision to see that a guy is inside the infirmary shredding a bunch of papers. The guy brings a bag out of the room, full of shredded paper, and Clark speedy quick grabs a handful. I'll bet you anything that tiny handful of paper has really important information on it.<br /><br />Lois stops in front of a bulletin board and a little girl throws something at her butt. It's been a rough episode for Lois's ass. The girl's name is Inez and she's Amy's little sister. She wants Lois's help. She thinks Amy will come back for her, but if she does, "he'll" catch her. She won't say who HE is because kids are unhelpful.<br /><br /><strong>Smart Kids Headquarters</strong><br /><br />Phillip is worried because they don't have much money left on their credit card. He and Dudley take an elevator down to their secret, underground lair. There's a popcorn machine and games and IT LOOKS AWESOME, but Phillip bitches about what a mess it is. Amy's all, "duh, we're kids." Seriously, Phillip, I thought you were supposed to be smart.<br /><br />They're almost out of "smart stuff" and Amy says she'll get more when she rescues Inez. Phillip is all, "no!" and Amy's like, "you can't stop me!" and I'm like, "yeah, fuck you, Phillip!" because seriously, he's annoying. Dudley comes over all happy because he figured out what to do about money and that is...<br /><br />I don't know because they cut to Lois and Clark waiting in line at an ATM. Clark saves a guy from being crushed by his car right in front of Lois while they're waiting in line and she doesn't even notice.<br /><br />Lois thinks there's no such thing as being too smart and Clark's all, "uh, yuh-huh," but Lois insists that "they're just kids." Then she tries to get some cash out of the ATM and pulls out what looks like monopoly money. Except it says Smart Bucks on it. Heh. Clark's all, "they're just KIDS remember," and Lois fumes. These two just need to have some Anger Sex already.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="3smartbucks by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5401922605/"><img height="307" alt="3smartbucks" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5252/5401922605_57e1138590.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Mo money, mo problems.</span><br /></div><br />Back at Beckworth school, Amy is sneaking in the front gate with the bleep bloop remote. Her face has black streaks on it, like she tried to camouflage it but ran out of paint. WTF, I thought they solved their money problems? Anyway, a scary guard captures her.<br /><br />Lois is at her apartment, reading the newspaper in her bathrobe, and starts a bath. The bathwater comes out green and slimy. Ectoplasm! She is the gatekeeper!<br /><br />Inez calls Lois. After some annoying banter, Inez tells Lois that the policeman caught Amy and talks more about some dude that's going to "get" her. Lois says she'll take care of it with her...magical powers, I guess.<br /><br />Lois and Clark go to the school the next day to get custody of Amy. Dr. Carlton argues against it, obviously, because he has to dissect her or Lex will slap him again. Lois is taking Amy into custody which hopefully will backfire in an awesome fashion.<br /><br />They leave the school and Lois thinks she's totally got the story now, because all she has to do is ask Amy where the other kids are and BOOM case closed. She doesn't know there are still 25 minutes left in the episode. Anyway, Clark says it'll be harder than she thinks, because kids don't automatically open up, she'll have to earn Amy's trust. Lois is like, "the day I can't outsmart an 11-year-old is the day I hang up my press pass." This should be good.<br /><br />Clark asks if Lois has ever taken care of a child and Lois brags about how great she is at it, so it's not much of a surprise when she ends up tied up in her apartment:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="4loistiedup by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5402522906/"><img height="322" alt="4loistiedup" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5214/5402522906_7174020a22.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">This is how her first date with Lex ended, too.</span><br /></div><br />I don't understand how this happened. Amy might be smarter than Lois (who isn't, really?) but Lois is still bigger and stronger. Amy has figured out exactly why Lois took custody of her (to get the story) but Lois insists she just wants to help.<br /><br />Amy tells Lois that they broke out of the school by themselves so they don't need adults. Lois asks why Amy doesn't just go back to the Smart Kids HQ, but Amy's worried about being followed. Lois tries to bond with her by telling her that her parents are divorced which is a LITTLE bit different than being dumped in an orphanage by your still-living mother, so Amy gets angry. Lois somehow sweet talks her way out of her predicament because Amy squirts some lotiony stuff on Lois and the green rope dissolves.<br /><br /><strong>Beckworth School<br /></strong><br />Clark and Lois question Dr. Carlton. During questioning, Clark stops listening and uses his superpowers to swipe stuff from the lab. Dr. Carlton says he can't really tell them anything he does because they're too dumb to comprehend anything he says. Which...is probably true.<br /><br />They leave Dr. Carlton and Clark shows Lois the Metamide 5 that he stole from the lab. Lois pretends to be mad but it's a fake-out because really she's totally turned on that Clark would break the rules like that.<br /><br /><strong>Lex's House of Love<br /></strong><br />Lex is getting a massage that sounds painful. Like, the masseuse (who I shall call Helga) is just hitting him on the back. Lex's phone rings and he answers, giving Helga his credit card for payment. She slaps him on the ass and walks away.<br /><br />Lex's talking to Dr. Carlton, who is probably telling him about how Lois and Clark came to see him and didn't even bring him any cookies. Lex tells him he should leave town for a while, but to stop by for his final payment. Yeah, Lex is totally going to kill him.<br /><br />Helga comes back and says Lex's credit card was refused. Lex is all, "haha, whatevs," and messes with his towel. Helga crushes the credit card and I guess Lex is going to have to make payment another way.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="5lexhelga by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5402522948/"><img height="391" alt="5lexhelga" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5140/5402522948_846a801c51.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Refuse THIS, Helga.</span><br /></div><br />Superman flies around the city. He flies over a carnival because apparently Metropolis is a popular stomping ground for carnies. Then he flies over a baseball field. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? He lands in an alley, goes offscreen, and has changed back into Clark when he reappears. The smart kids see this and figure out that Clark is Superman, so they send him this note:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="6note by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5401922795/"><img height="341" alt="6note" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5217/5401922795_b04398ab9a.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Amateur hour</span><br /></div><br />Clark is worried.<br /><br />The next day, everyone at The Daily Planet is watching Smart Kids News, and Phillip says to leave them alone or they'll mess with more of Metropolis's shit. Jimmy says no one could figure out what Metamide 5 is, but that it stimulates cerebral material in lab rats. Well, I'm glad they figured that out. Guess the episode is over. What? Twenty more minutes. UGH.<br /><br />Lois tries to reach Dr. Carlton but he's taken a leave of absence. Clark asks about Amy and Lois says she won't talk to her. She won't trust Lois because she's a grown up. I think Amy won't trust Lois because she's a good judge of character. Clark tries to get Lois to identify with Amy because the best way to get Lois to do anything is to make it all about her. Clark then creepily says, "I bet you were a cute kid."<br /><br />Lois says, "I'm still a cute kid." What is happening right now?<br /><br />Some guy brings Clark a big package. Heh. No really, it's a huge package. There's a note inside (and some balloons?) from the Smart Kids, telling him to meet them at 2 PM wearing his Superman costume.<br /><br />Then, for no reason, we are treated to a scene of Clark playing ping pong with himself, because apparently every episode needs to show him gratuitously using his powers (coughFILLER). My question is, why is he wearing his glasses? Anyway, as pointless as this scene is, I like it because there's banjo music playing and then Clark breaks something and makes a hilarious face.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="7funny face by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5401922849/"><img height="331" alt="7funny face" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5096/5401922849_e0ae7a71bd.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">This face is why Lois won't go out with you.</span><br /></div><br />He notices it's almost 2 and walks over to a camera that says "Do Not Touch" because it's only for sex games or something. Not really, the Smart Kids put it there. He makes his apartment look like a shithole because everyone knows Superman is a neat freak.<br /><br />The TV turns on and the kids ask why he's not wearing his suit. Clark takes a bite of pizza and tells them he's not Superman. Phillip ignores this and reads their demands, which are:<br /><br />An F-18 fighter jet (painted red and yellow)<br />4 mountain bikes<br />an emerald (10K, at least)<br />3 aqualungs<br />100 pounds of gooey bears<br />an island<br /><br />I have to say, those are pretty good demands. I would have asked for a pet monkey, but I guess they already have the pig and what if the pig and the monkey don't get along?<br /><br />Clark tries to cover his ass and tells the kids he was just meeting Superman that night in the alley, so OBVIOUSLY he's not Superman. He tells them that Superman is worried about them. Clark fake drops a glass and dips his finger in some ketchup so it looks like he's bleeding. He basically acts like a bumbling idiot so the kids don't think he's Superman.<br /><br />Back at Lois's, Amy is freaking out and crying because the Metamide 5 is wearing off and she's getting dumb again. Lois gives her a hug and is actually really nice to her, probably because she knows how hard it is to be really dumb. Amy is still crying and I want to give her a hug, too. She asks if Lois wants to know how the smart stuff works. She tells Lois that it makes you know everything, but if you stop taking it, you get dumber again. Uh, we know that already, Amy. I guess she really is getting dumber.<br /><br /><strong>Lex's House of Love</strong><br /><br />Lex is standing in front of a roaring fire, holding a cigar, and talking to someone we can't see. Oh, <a href="http://joeandjennie.blogspot.com/2011/01/lois-clark-episode-5-requiem-for.html">please let it be that cute dog</a> again. Nope. It's Dr. Carlton. He is nowhere near as cute as the dog. Especially after what Lex did to him which was...drug him. Using a funnel. And some purple liquid, which turns out to be Metamide 6. Seems kind of unsophisticated for Lex Luthor, but whatever.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="8funnel by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5402523160/"><img height="306" alt="8funnel" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5139/5402523160_ac9b029214.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">That's not how you bong a beer.</span><br /></div><br />Lex tells the incapacitated Dr. Carlton that he's leaving because he has a busy evening of Strip Charades planned. Of course he does. I love him. There's a knock at the door. It's the kids. They spray him with a super soaker. Remember super soakers? I loved those. Anyway, I guess whatever they sprayed him with wasn't water because Lex passes out and they kidnap him.<br /><br /><strong>The Daily Planet</strong><br /><br />Lois wonders why they kidnapped Lex. The Smart Kids come on the TV and say they'll release Lex Luthor if they get Amy back. And an island. With some palm trees. And also 1000 pounds of gooey bears. They have 24 hours to comply or they'll give Lex a nuclear wedgie or something.<br /><br />Jimmy tells them the scientists discovered that if the kids take too much Smart Stuff, it basically destroys their brains. Clark is so mad, he crushes a pencil. Sure.<br /><br />Lois tells Amy that it isn't a game anymore and they need to know where the kids are. Amy still doesn't trust them. Lois is like, "sure, fine, whatever," and tells her to do what she feels is right. Amy agrees to tell just Lois and Clark, and takes them to the lair. Dudley tries to shoot them with his super soaker but Amy stops him. The girl with no name is there, too. She still hasn't had any lines. Amy tells them they have to stop taking Metamide 5 because it'll turn to poison if they keep taking it.<br /><br />Dudley and the still nameless girl are easily swayed and point them in the direction of Phillip and Lex. Lois stays with Amy, Dudley, and No Name, while Clark goes after Phillip and Lex. Of course, once Clark is out of sight, he changes into Superman. Does that ever get NOT fun to watch? I don't think so.<br /><br />Superman finds Phillip and Lex. Lex is tied up in a weird chair with syringes all around him and Phillip is gloating in stupid sunglasses. He says he's going to inject Lex with a buttload of Metamide if Metropolis doesn't meet his demands.<br /><br />Also, Phillip's taken the Metamide 6 and now he's super SUPER smart. Superman tries to get Phillip to go back to being normal, but Phillip wants to stay different. Superman tells him different is bad because HE'S different and what's so awesome about that? I mean, sure, he can fly and he's super strong and stuff, but...yeah, his speech isn't really working because being different sounds AWESOME.<br /><br />Lex says that Phillip isn't different, he's "special," and that he had no idea Dr. Carlton was using them as lab rats. Superman is all, "don't believe Lex," and Lex is all, "I'm on your side," and Superman is like, "no, I am!" Take it outside, boys.<br /><br />Superman and Lex argue some more, both trying to get Phillip to do what they want. Phillip has to choose between being a kid (Superman) and GREATNESS (Lex). Phillip is all, "it's not easy being a kid," and then acts like he's going to inject Lex with the Metamide 5, but then just squirts it all over him and ruins his shirt. You idiot! That shirt was probably expensive.<br /><br />So, Lex had a bad day, but Lois is still on his side. The next day she tells Clark and Jimmy that Lex is awesome because he destroyed all of Dr. Carlton's notes and paid off the credit card the kids used. They walk around the school's playground, and Amy waves to Lois. Aww, she's cute. Then they walk by Dudley and Phillip, who have written this on the ground:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="9maybe by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5401922967/"><img height="309" alt="9maybe" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5136/5401922967_4e085039a5.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Yep. Definitely not smart anymore. </span><br /></div><br />Right in front of Lois. She doesn't realize, though. Because it's too soon. Oops, spoiler. Sorry. The pig is still there, too. I don't know what kind of school lets you keep a pig as a pet, but I wish I'd gone there.<br /><br /><strong>Review:</strong> Lex + adorable pig = Good, so A+ for this episode. Yes, I am half-assing my reviews, what of it?Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-29927004630910638602011-01-24T23:06:00.006-05:002011-04-01T14:17:03.395-04:00Sports Night, Episode 1: Pilot<i><b>Synopsis from DVD:</b> Casey’s divorce has left him unnerved and uncertain about all he holds dear in life, including his love for sports. It’s up to Dan and Dana to snap him out of his funk before the network brass loses patience. Meanwhile, Dana’s search for a new research analyst ends as she hires the devoted—if slightly overzealous—Jeremy, after a particularly grueling job interview.</i><br /><br />Goodness, that’s an amazingly thorough synopsis. It really puts the little Netflix synopses to shame.<br /><br />I’m going to do this a little differently than the Lois & Clark recaps. Since the episodes are so much shorter at only 22 minutes, the recaps themselves will be much shorter, so I’ll have some analysis and commentary sprinkled in, as well as just general thoughts and musings about the show.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a><br />So here we have the pilot. The show opens with the Sports Night crew, under the direction of producer Dana Whitaker (Felicity Huffman of <i>Desperate Housewives</i> fame), preparing to start an evening’s live 11 PM broadcast. On set, Dan Rydell (Josh Charles, of <i>The Good Wife</i> fame) and Casey McCall (Peter Krause, of <i>Six Feet Under</i> fame) are discussing Casey’s social life and Dan’s ongoing New York renaissance. There is some commotion in the control room when it is called into question whether Helsinki is in Sweden, Switzerland, or Finland. There’s lots of running around and shouting before they finally figure out that it’s in Finland. Overall the impression is that this show is maybe not the most well-oiled machine.<br /><br />The next day, Dana and Isaac Jaffee (Robert Guillaume, of <i>Benson</i> fame), Sports Night’s managing editor, discuss Casey’s increasingly foul mood, and Dana does her best to defend his behavior, citing Casey’s divorce as a reason. From there they go into a rundown meeting that includes Dan, Casey, associate producer Natalie Hurley (Sabrina Lloyd, of <i>Sliders</i> fame), and the rest of the crew behind the show. Also sitting in is JJ (Hey It’s That Guy, of <i>Oh, That One Thing I Can’t Think Of The Name Of But You Know What I’m Talking About, Right?</i> fame), a network executive who is there to give notes on the show and generally muck things up. He interjects at one point about a piece they are planning on doing about a 41-year-old distance runner from a third world country who had had his legs broken by police in his country and who was now running in a big race that CSC (the network that airs Sports Night) would be showing later that night. He doesn't think they should run the piece, and Casey doesn’t take kindly to bein’ interjected at, so he generally acts like an ass to JJ, including threatening him with physical violence, before storming out of the room. Dan, Dana, and Isaac defend Casey’s actions, but JJ leaves, warning that the network brass won’t tolerate Casey’s guff for much longer. He doesn’t say guff, I just thought I’d put that in there to give the story some flavor.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5386698488/" title="SNDanCasey by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5214/5386698488_c6bb31b456.jpg" width="500" height="387" alt="SNDanCasey" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Casey is shocked to learn that he's an ass.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Later on, Dana meets with Casey to yell at him for screwing up her show, and their meeting doesn’t go well. Casey’s a dick some more and Dana tries to be understanding and eventually she gets him to shut up, but it still really doesn’t seem like he’s learning anything. After this conversation, Dana and Natalie meet with Jeremy Goodwin (Joshua Malina, of <i>The West Wing</i> fame) about filling an open associate producer position and, hopefully, avoiding any further Helsinki mishaps. The interview goes awfully as Dana grills Jeremy about basketball, a sport he has very little knowledge of. Natalie tries to be supportive, mostly because she’s totally crushing on Jeremy for some reason, but Jeremy totally loses it. He gives a spectacularly unprofessional rant/monologue about the Knicks and how he can’t properly answer a question without a few minutes to do some research, and it occurs to me that he could have used this energy to maybe come up with an actual answer instead of indulging his wiggins. Dana must agree because she zones out while he’s ranting, and eventually she’s able to get a straight answer out of him and he is hired immediately. After that poor showing, I almost think she hired him just because Natalie thinks he’s cute and she feels sorry for the girl.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5386698568/" title="SNJeremy by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5216/5386698568_e6b5a5f365.jpg" width="500" height="389" alt="SNJeremy" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Yikes.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Later that evening, Dan and Casey have a showdown/throwdown on the set of the show (thankfully, they are not on the air at the time). Casey tells Dan that he’s thinking about leaving Sports Night because he’s become disillusioned with sports and with athletes. He cites a story about a basketball player who got into a drunken brawl the night before and was arrested, as well as references to Nancy Kerrigan getting hit with a pipe (Why, God, why?!) and what he calls “the mother of all sports stories,” the OJ Simpson murder trial. He worries that his seven-year-old son will look up to athletes now that he doesn’t have a male role model around all of the time. Dan proceeds to get pissed off and tells Casey that his ex-wife, Lisa, never loved him, and that he should really get his head out of his ass because everyone has been defending him and now he’s planning to leave. As they argue, one of the Sports Night staff, Kim, comes to get Dan and Casey. They head out into the main office, where everyone is gathered around a TV watching Entizaki Nelson, the 41-year-old distance runner from the story earlier, as he looks to be about to break a world record. As they cheer, Casey rushes off and calls his ex-wife. He urges her to wake Charlie (his son) up so that he can talk to him. Once Charlie is awake, Casey tells him to turn on the TV so that he can watch someone run really fast. He tells Charlie he loves him, and hangs up the phone. Moments later, the group is rushing to put together a live promo for their upcoming show. Casey takes the lead on the promo, his enthusiasm for sports having been renewed by Nelson’s running ability.<br /><br /><b>Review:</b> I have one main problem with the pilot to this show, and that problem is this: Casey’s a dick. I think this pilot does an excellent job of establishing the personalities for the show’s lead characters and the relationships between those characters…except for Casey. Dana is the leader of this bunch, and Natalie is her second-in-command. They all answer to Isaac, who Dana even says is like a surrogate father to the lot of them. Dan is easily the heart of the team, with his exuberance over his New York renaissance (“You ever ride the subway all day, you know, just for fun?”), and Jeremy is shown to be very intelligent but also somewhat neurotic – I almost wonder if they weren’t looking for a Woody Allen-type when they cast the role. Even JJ is pretty clearly defined as being sort of a prick and the face of the network.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5386698652/" title="SNRace by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5217/5386698652_30406dc003.jpg" width="500" height="388" alt="SNRace" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Look! It's all the nice characters that you like!<br />Oh, and Casey's there, too.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />And then there’s Casey, who’s a dick. Am I supposed to like this guy? Even from the first time that I saw this pilot oh so many years ago, I always thought that Casey was the most unlikable character and why should I ever care about him? I know he’s one of the leads of the show, but seriously, the stick that is up this guy’s ass is at least six feet long, and that’s not even humanly possible but he makes it work. We are told throughout the episode that Casey’s just going through a rough patch and he’s actually a really great guy, but we don’t see even a little bit of that until the very end of the episode. It’s okay for JJ to be a dick because, essentially, he’s the villain of the piece and it’s okay to not care what happens to him, unless that something that happens is particularly cruel, in which case that’s awesome. But to start off the show with one of your protagonists being a complete ass to everyone for almost a full episode does not seem to be the way one would go about getting an audience to give a damn about said character. If nothing else, it’ll just make it that much harder for me to enjoy watching that character throughout the rest of the show. That’s probably why I never really cared for Casey, at least on my first go-around with the show. He grew on me, but it took time.<br /><br />That’s my main concern with the episode. Another concern might be the lax hiring standards that Sports Night seems to have in place. If they’ll hire a total spaz like Jeremy, they’ll hire just about anyone. I still really enjoy the pilot to this show. The writing is tight, there were several points where I did laugh out loud (and I’ve seen this episode dozens of times over the years), and while I question the legitimacy of Casey’s epiphany as a result of one inspiring story amid the countless others that he could have cited during his confrontation with Dan, I choose to accept it because it <i>is</i> an inspiring story, and because I feel like, ultimately, this show isn’t about the seedy underbelly of the sports world. It’s about smart, good people doing something they love. And that inspires me.<br /><br />I’m really excited to experience it all again.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-12437714814285718852011-01-21T10:19:00.005-05:002011-01-21T15:07:28.211-05:00The X-Files: Squeeze<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Netflix synopsis:</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> Mulder and Scully search for a humanoid killer whose savage murder spree reoccurs every 30 years.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What I remember:</span> AWWWWW, YEAH. LIVER! EATING! MUTANT! Ahem. Horace from <span style="font-style: italic;">Lost </span>steals livers. Mulder and Scully are adorable. Donal Logue plays a douchebag. That is all.<br /><br />YOU GUYS. I love this episode. It might be my favorite from the whole season. Anyway. Let's get to it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BALTIMORE, MARYLAND</span><br /><br />A dude walks out of a building. We find out later that his name is George Usher, so that's what I'm going to call him. He goes all slo-mo and we see that someone or something is watching him from a sewer. All we can see are creepy, creepy eyes THAT ARE CREEPY.<br /><br />Usher (not this <a href="http://www.ushernow.com/">Usher</a>) gets off an elevator and goes into his office. OH NO. Something is crawling up the elevator shaft. Usher makes a phone call and leaves a message for his wife to tell her he'll be at the office late, but we know that he's going to be there forever because he's about to die.<br /><br />There's a close up of a small heating vent. One of the screws turns and falls out. Dirty fingers poke out of the vent. Usher goes to get some coffee and then comes back to his office, where he is savagely attacked. Luckily, we don't have to see exactly what happens, but we do see blood dripping on the carpet and Usher's totally-dead reflection. There is blood everywhere and the vent closes.<br /><br />Credits!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WASHINGTON, D.C.</span><br /><br />Scully is having lunch with one of her classmates from Quantico, an Agent Tom Colton, played douchetastically by a very young Donal Logue. They're discussing one of their classmates who got a job that Colton thinks is too good for him. Colton is jealous but Scully tells him it'll be him getting an awesome promotion someday, because she's nicer than I am. Colton makes a crack about Scully working with Spooky Mulder and she defends him, saying that Mulder's ideas might be "out there" but that he's a great agent. Also, he's way hotter than you, Colton, so STFU.<br /><br />Colton tells her about a case he's working on that's "out there," which is a good way to describe a murderer who steals livers. Apparently, George Usher wasn't the only one to be violently murdered lately, though. Go figure. More than one violent murder in DC. The tricksy thing is that they can't figure out the point of entry because everyone was, like, locked up tight in their murder caves. Also, their livers were ripped from their bodies, which is kind of weird because if I've learned anything from TV and movies, it's that serial killers are meticulous and hardly ever use their bare hands to remove body parts. I just made all that up. Anyhow, Scully says it sounds like an x-file. Colton wants Scully to go to the crime scene and look around. Scully asks if she should bring Mulder and you can tell that's what Colton wanted all along but he tries to cover with, "sure, if you want...but make sure Mulder knows this is MY case." Hey. Colton. Why don't you just pee on the crime scene, that ought to do it.<br /><br />Colton calls Scully, "Dana." Then he calls her Mrs. Spooky. I hate him so hard.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CRIME SCENE</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEORGE USHER'S OFFICE</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BALTIMORE, MARYLAND</span><br /><br />Mulder asks Scully why they didn't just ask him to come to the crime scene and instead went through Scully. She says they're friends of hers from the academy and probably felt more comfortable dealing with her. Mulder's all, "why do I make them uncomfortable?" She says it's because of his reputation. He pretends not to know what she's talking about, like he doesn't know he's a big weirdo who wants to be BFF with E.T.<br /><br />Colton enters and Mulder and Scully have to stop flirting. Ugh. Go away, Colton. Scully makes introductions. Colton makes a crack about "little green men" and Mulder acts like a dick and it's awesome. I love when Mulder is a dick to dicks. He finds a teeny piece of...something on the ground and checks out the small vent that the killer crawled through. HE FINDS A FINGERPRINT. Take that, Colton.<br /><br />Back in the basement of unsolved mysteries, Mulder is showing Scully a slide of the fingerprint he took from the office, as well as a fingerprint from an old x-file. They're a match. They're also really weird, in that they're all stretchy. Mulder's wearing glasses. Here:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5376082396/" title="1glasses by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5202/5376082396_7d38eb50a6.jpg" alt="1glasses" height="294" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Here's a little something...for the ladies.</span><br /></div><br />Mulder says that the old murders match the new ones because of the undetermined points of entry. There were prints discovered at five out of the ten crime scenes for murders that took place in the 1930s and 1960s. AND there was at least one liver-disappearance in 1903. So we're looking at five murders every 30 years. Mulder says there are two more to go this year before the killer disappears. Scully wonders if they are copycat murders and Mulder's all, "remember how no two fingerprints are alike?" Duh, Scully. You're better than that.<br /><br />She says she can't go tell people that these murders were done by aliens and he's like, "SIGH I know I always say things are aliens but not this time. Try and keep up, Scully." So then she asks if he thinks this is the work of a 100 year old serial killer, which is awesome because even though she's being sarcastic, she's right. Mulder's like, sure, we're looking for a really old guy AND he should stick out in a crowd with ten inch fingers. That's probably true. He's probably also pretty popular with the ladies, if you know what I'm saying and I think you do. Yeah, I went there. Anyway, Scully says this is Colton's case so they should back off, but Mulder says their x-file goes back to 1903 so it's really their case. Mulder suggests that they have their own investigation, totally separate from Colton's, and Scully can't say no to Mulder's pouty face so that's what they do. I'm sure Colton will be fine with this when he finds out.<br /><br />Scully's at home, typing a profile of the killer. It's pretty boring. Anyway, later she reads her profile to Colton and his group of investigators. They look impressed and say they're going to target the sites of the previous murders. They tell Scully she's welcome to work with them, so long as she doesn't mind working in an area more "down to earth." She looks perturbed, probably because they're acting like dicks for no raisin.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CRIME SCENE</span><br /><br />Scully is sitting alone in her car in a parking garage. She hears a suspicious noise and gets out, gun drawn. It's just Mulder, though, carrying a bag of sunflower seeds. Because it's totally normal for him to be wandering around a crime scene having a snack. And he's probably spitting the empty shells everywhere. Gross. But really he's just came to tell Scully that she's dumb for being there because there's no way the killer's coming back. Scully is annoyed and says he's jeopardizing her stakeout. Mulder's offers her a sunflower seed and then wanders away.<br /><br />On his way out, he hears someone crawling around a heating vent and creepy music starts to play, so you know some shit is about to go down. Mulder runs to Scully, tells her to call for back up and then follow him. She does this because she's good at following orders. They approach the heating vent, Scully points her gun, and she orders the guy to proceed slowly down the vent. Someone crawls out, ass first. He's all dirty. It's Horace! From <span style="font-style: italic;">Lost</span>! Anyway, they arrest him.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5376082430/" title="2assfirst by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5288/5376082430_cc6d3814a2.jpg" width="500" height="313" alt="2assfirst" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The ass of a killer.</span><br /></div><br />Mulder tells Scully she was right because apparently he can tell right away that this is totally the guy they're looking for.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">F.B.I. BUREAU</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BALTIMORE, MARYLAND</span><br /><br />They're giving the suspect a polygraph test. His name is Eugene Victor Tooms and he works for animal control. We don't know if he's lying yet but he's creepy so let's assume that he is. He says he's never removed a liver, he's never killed a human being, he's never been in George Usher's office, and that he didn't kill him. The polygraph lady asks him if he's over 100 years old. Colton mentions that it must be a control question but Mulder says he had her ask it. Anyway, Tooms says he's not over 100 years old. She asks if he's been to Powhattan Mill in 1933, which is where the previous murders from the x-file took place. Colton looks annoyed.<br /><br />The polygraph lady says Tooms didn't kill those people. They also confirmed that Animal Control had been called in to see about a bad smell in the vents, which turned out to be a dead cat (aww, poor kitty), so his story checks out.<br /><br />Scully still thinks it's suspicious that Tooms was crawling around a heating duct that late at night without alerting security and Mulder says she's right. One of the agents acts all annoyed and is like, "what do you got, Mulder?" because even though they think he's a weirdo, they also know that Mulder knows his shit.<br /><br />Mulder says Tooms lied on some of the questions, namely the 100 year old question. The agent gets pissed. Mulder insists that Tooms is the murderer and the agent leaves in a huff. Colton asks if Scully is coming with them and she thanks him for letting her work with them, but she's officially assigned to The X-Files.<br /><br />Colton says, "I'll see what I can do about that," and Mulder gives him a dark look, all, "I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY SEXY EYES IF YOU TAKE SCULLY FROM ME."<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5376082474/" title="3darklook by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5207/5376082474_78c718a763.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="3darklook" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Don't you take away the precious.</span><br /></div><br />Mulder and Scully leave and Scully asks why Mulder purposefully pissed them off. Mulder says he thinks Scully caught the right guy, but OK, yeah, he also gets tired of people being hostile just because his theories are out there. Also, he wanted to mess with them. I don't blame him at all, those guys were awful. Scully says he was acting territorial and he says "of course I was!" while messing with her necklace and almost groping her boobies. I guess she's lucky that Mulder didn't pee all over her, right?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482415/" title="4necklace by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5086/5375482415_5b092fbd66.jpg" alt="4necklace" height="295" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Uh...</span><br /></div><br />Mulder says that even though Scully doesn't always agree with him, at least she respects the journey. He says he won't hold it against her if she wants to continue working with Colton but she cutely says she wants to see what Mulder has to back up his bizarre theory.<br /><br />They use a fancy-by-1993-standards computer program to examine the stretchy finger print they found in George Usher's office, as well as the fingerprints they took from Tooms. Turns out they match, but only after Mulder stretches Tooms's fingerprint. I'm not sure it'd hold up in court, but I'm convinced.<br /><br />Cut to a car pulling up to a house. Someone is watching from the shadows and again, all we can see are creepy eyes.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482437/" title="5creepy eyes by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5202/5375482437_410528bbbe.jpg" alt="5creepy eyes" height="317" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Welcome to my nightmare.</span><br /></div><br />It's Tooms! Duh. He runs up to the house and peeks in the window. He climbs up the side of the house, kind of like Spiderman. Then he crawls down the chimney. The teeny chimney. He's SQUEEZING inside because he can SQUEEZE into small spaces. Get it? Cause...<span style="font-style: italic;">Squeeze </span>is the name of the episode. Anyway.<br /><br />The guy tries to light a fire but can't get the newspaper to catch. Tooms comes out from behind him and yeah, that guy is dead.<br /><br />The next day, Colton is yelling at people at the crime scene because he's cranky that he's so out of his league. He says he's willing to give any theory a shot, but when Mulder walks in, he's all, "any sane theory." Dick. Colton tries to get rid of them and Mulder asks if he's worried that Mulder's gonna solve his case. Jesus, you guys, just get a ruler and measure them already. Colton tries to physically stop Mulder from entering and Scully says that if he doesn't let them in it'll make him look bad and Colton can't have that. Colton asks Scully whose side she's on and she says, "the victim's." Also, Mulder's.<br /><br />The victim's name is Thomas Werner. Scully starts to tell Mulder some facts about the crime scene but Mulder's already decided that it was Tooms. He says Tooms took something, too.<br /><br />Microfiche time! Mulder is doing research and finds a Eugene Victor who lived on Exeter Street in 1933. Scully comes in and says that Tooms hasn't shown up for work since he was arrested. Mulder still thinks it was Tooms doing all the murders, including the ones from 1903, 1933, and 1963 but Scully thinks maybe it was Tooms's grandfather. What? Mulder says they need to track Tooms down now because if Tooms gets one more liver, he'll go into hibernation in 30 years. That was a weird sentence to type.<br /><br />Mulder says he's going to keep doing research and asks if Scully has any Dramamine because microfiche makes him seasick. Me too. We had to learn how to use microfiche in high school and it made me dizzy. I'm so happy that Google exists.<br /><br />Research, research, research. You can tell they're working hard because Mulder takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. They don't find anything, except the current address of the man who investigated the murders in 1933.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LYNNE ACRES RETIREMENT HOME</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BALTIMORE, MARYLAND</span><br /><br />They meet with an old man in a wheelchair named Detective Briggs. He was the investigator on the 1933 murders and he says he's been waiting for them to come see him ever since. He says the Powhattan Mills murders stuck with him, because he felt true evil when he walked onto those crime scenes. Only a human monster could have done something like those murders.<br /><br />Briggs asks Mulder to get a box out of the trunk. The box holds all the evidence he's collected, officially and unofficially. He says he knew the murders in 1963 were done by the same person as the murders in 1933 but could never prove it because he wasn't allowed to investigate. He says that Tooms took trophies from each victim. He shows them pictures he took of Tooms in 1933 and he looks exactly the same as he does now, except he's in front of an old-timey car.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482497/" title="6old timey by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5165/5375482497_863bd2f8b6.jpg" width="500" height="295" alt="6old timey" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Hey Tooms, Urkel called and he wants his look back.</span><br /></div><br />Detective Briggs directs them to 66 Exeter Street, where Tooms lived in 1933. So, obviously, Mulder and Scully go there immediately.<br /><br />The building is in ruins. Mulder and Scully walk around with guns and flashlights drawn. They find 103, the apartment Tooms lived in, and burst in. Hey! This part is in the credits.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482543/" title="7credits by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5375482543_59cbe37d3c.jpg" alt="7credits" height="295" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Do do do do do dooooooo</span><br /></div><br />They walk slowly in and Mulder says that the old man was right, you can feel the evil in the room. I'll bet evil is cold and smells weird.<br /><br />Scully says there's nothing there but Mulder moves a mattress to reveal a large hole in the wall. Mulder wonders what's down there. Scully calmly says, "let's find out," and then just crawls down a ladder, into the darkness. I know I said this last week, and I'll probably say it every week, but SHE IS SO BADASS.<br /><br />Mulder follows her and they find an old coal cellar. They also find a pile of junk, which turns out to be the all of the trophies that were taken from the recent victims. There's a weird nest in the wall and...it's gross. It's made out of rags and newspapers. Mulder, of course, sticks his hand in it and gets goo all over his fingers. He's pretty grossed out when Scully tells him he just stuck his hand in bile. This would be grosser if the goo didn't look so much like <a href="http://ghostbusters.wikia.com/wiki/Ectoplasm">ectoplasm</a>.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5376082630/" title="8bile by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5161/5376082630_0cd779f151.jpg" alt="8bile" height="300" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Should I...should I taste it?</span><br /></div><br />Scully says no one could live in there but Mulder thinks the nest is where Tooms hibernates. Mulder's theory is that he's a genetic mutant who can eat five livers every 30 years and then hibernate. That sounds like a pretty terrible mutant power. No wonder Professor Xavier never invited Tooms to join his School for Gifted Youngsters.<br /><br />Anyway, Scully's like, "...yeah, so anyway, at least we know where to find him now." Mulder tells Scully to go see if she can get a surveillance team to come stake out the building while Mulder keeps watch for now. As they leave, Scully's necklace gets caught on something, but she quickly untangles herself. We see a hand drop down, holding Scully's necklace. It's Tooms. Aww, shit.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">66 Exeter St., 11:30 A.M.</span><br /><br />Mulder's hanging out in his car when a couple of agents come to relieve him. Mulder shows them a picture of Tooms, so they know who to look for, and says he and Scully will be back in eight hours to relieve them. One of the agents calls Mulder "Spooky" as he leaves. Why is every other FBI agent they work with a total ass?<br /><br />Scully's wrapping stuff up at the office and Colton bursts in all, "we have to talk." This should be fun. Scully blows him off and says she has to meet Mulder. Colton is pissed that they're using some of his agents to stake out an abandoned building. He says he was looking forward to working with her at first, because she was a "good agent," but that Mulder ruined her. Wait, DID Mulder pee on her? Anyway, Colton says he had the stakeout called off and Scully starts to call Mulder. Colton takes the phone from her and is all, "let ME tell Mulder the news because I haven't acted like a big enough douche and people don't hate me enough yet."<br /><br />Scully says she can't wait to see Colton fall on his ass, then storms out. She goes home and we see that Tooms is watching her from the shadows.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">66 EXETER ST., 7:25 P.M.</span><br /><br />Mulder is back to relieve the surveillance team but they're already gone. He's confused because apparently either Scully never called him to tell him what Colton did, or he doesn't listen to his voicemail ever. He runs inside.<br /><br />Scully is at home and OK NOW she's leaving Mulder a message about how much Colton sucks and how furious she is. She's also drinking. Good call. Do you think if Tooms eats Scully's liver and she's drunk, he gets drunk, too?<br /><br />She hangs up and starts a bath. Tooms lurks outside her window.<br /><br />Mulder investigates the trophy station in the coal cellar and finds Scully's necklace. See, when he was messing with her necklace before, it was important and NOT AT ALL borderline inappropriate, because now we know that Mulder knows what Scully's necklace looks like, so we know that he knows that Scully is is DANGER. Cue Mulder freak out. He's in SaveScully! mode now, which is the most frantic of all his modes.<br /><br />Scully's bath is ready, so she opens a bottle of bath salts or smelly soap or whatever the hell women put in baths on TV. Some <strike>ectoplasm</strike> bile drips on her hand and she freaks out because A) that's way gross and B) her liver is in danger.<br /><br />She sees that the bile is dripping from a small vent on the ceiling. She grabs her gun. Mulder's trying to call her but Tooms cut Scully's phone line, which seems like a lot of thought for a liver-eating mutant to be putting into his murders.<br /><br />Tooms reaches out of a small vent near the floor and grabs Scully's foot. She falls down and he bursts the rest of the way out of the vent. Scully hits him and even digs her thumbs into his eyeballs, but he's stronger than her and is about to rip out her liver WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Mulder finally gets there and runs in to help. Tooms decides at that point to run and tries to get out the window. Scully stops him and Tooms strangles her a little. Stop being so mean, Tooms. Mulder reaches to stop Tooms but gets hit and falls on the floor. As Tooms goes for Mulder, who is lying helplessly on the floor, Scully handcuffs him to her bathtub. Tooms. Not Mulder.<br /><br />Mulder asks Scully if she's alright and she nods, clearly not OK, but she's handling this a lot better than I would.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482601/" title="9scully freaked by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5205/5375482601_6a0faa70a6.jpg" alt="9scully freaked" height="300" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This is the face of someone rethinking her career path.</span><br /></div><br />Mulder says Tooms isn't going to get his quota this year and Tooms struggles against the handcuffs. Couldn't Tooms just slide out of those? I mean, he squeezed through a teeny vent, right? So I wouldn't think handcuffs would be a problem. I don't know, maybe he's tired.<br /><br />Detective Briggs reads in the newspaper that Tooms was caught and he starts crying. Aww, poor old guy. I want to give him a hug.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Tooms is in the crazy house, tearing newspaper into strips and licking each one, before throwing the pieces in the corner. He's building another nest. Mulder watches him from outside and Scully approaches.<br /><br />She says she ordered some genetic tests and spews a lot of sciency talk. Basically, Tooms is a genetic mutant. Scully seems pretty accepting of it, I guess because there's science to back it up. Mulder says something about how people putting bars on their windows and buying security systems are screwed if people like Tooms are in the world. Tooms could still get in and eat their livers. Maybe with some fava beans. Or a nice chianti. Aren't you guys so impressed that it took me the whole recap to make a Hannibal Lector joke? Scully touches Mulder's arm (whoooooooooo!) and breaks him out of his depressing reverie. They walk away together.<br /><br />An orderly slides a food tray through a small opening in the door to Tooms's room, then locks it. Tooms sits creepily, staring at the slot in the door, and then smiles. Eff. You guys. He freaks me out. Whenever Doug Hutchinson showed up on <span style="font-style: italic;">Lost</span>, I spent the whole time worried that he was going to spew bile everywhere and rip out someone's liver.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5375482651/" title="10helloclarice by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5125/5375482651_eec928bee6.jpg" alt="10helloclarice" height="303" width="500" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Hello, Clarice.</span><br /></div><br />The End except not really. To be continued in like 18 episodes.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Favorite quotes:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Why would I make them so uncomfortable?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scully: </span>It probably has to do with your reputation.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder: </span>Reputation? I have a reputation?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scully:</span> Mulder, look, Colton plays by the book and you don't. They feel your methods, your theories are...<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Spooky? Do you think I'm spooky?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Agent Colton:</span> So, Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Grey.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Agent Colton:</span> Excuse me?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Grey. You said green men. A Reticulan's skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers. Due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Agent Colton:</span> You can't be serious.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scully:</span> Oh my god, Mulder. It smells like...I think it's bile.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mulder:</span> Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-67364300837628314022011-01-18T18:43:00.007-05:002011-01-19T00:12:49.425-05:00Lois & Clark, Episode 6: I've Got A Crush On You<b><i>Netflix Synopsis:</b> Lois and Clark infiltrate a criminal gang they suspect of setting destructive fires throughout Metropolis.</i><br /><br />This seems like a good idea.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620113/" title="LCCrotchFirst by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5242/5368620113_6ae58a7753.jpg" width="480" height="358" alt="LCCrotchFirst" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Superman prefers to fly crotch-first into danger.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! No, seriously, there's a building on fire. It looks pretty serious. The Metropolis fire department is working hard to put out the blaze, the sixth in the last twenty-four hours, according to the handy TV news reporter/expository character who is on hand. Superman arrives on the scene and rescues a man who was trapped in the building. Mr. Exposition asks Superman if he has any idea who's behind the fires, saying they're rumored to be gang-related. Gang-related fires? Let me be the first to say: what the hell? Some cities have drive-by shootings, but apparently Metropolis has middle-of-the-day arson. Before Superman can respond to the reporter, he hears on the police band that there's another fire across town and flies off.<br /><br />Elsewhere, Johnny, an obvious <i>Sopranos</i> reject, is holding auditions for chorus girls in a night club. Is he a 1920s gangster? If he is, he is sorely lacking in the pinstripe suit department. The auditions are interrupted by Ms. Exposition, who needs to tell Johnny right away that there was another fire, and that the owner of the building pays "The Metro Organization" for protection. I assume that she is referring to the gang that Johnny runs, and not the series of interconnected railways in the Washington DC area. Johnny calls for the next auditioner, and who should walk out but Lois Lane, lookin' <i>fiiiiine</i>. Johnny takes one look at her and hires her. He didn't even make her tapdance! That's just not fair to the other applicants.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620167/" title="LCHotLois by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5007/5368620167_1064e7f3c5.jpg" width="478" height="356" alt="LCHotLois" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>DAAAAAAAAMN, girl.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Back at the Planet, Lois is defending her decision to go undercover to Clark and Jimmy. She explains that she needs to go undercover to find out why the West River area, which is Metro Gang-controlled territory, is on fire. Honestly, yeah, it's dangerous, but I have to side with Lois on this one. If she really wants to be an investigative journalist, she's got to be willing to take risks like this, and there's really no other way to get this story than to infiltrate this gang. Good on you, Lane. I hope this works out for you. Perry agrees and says that he will back his reporters 100%, even if Clark were to go up to the roof and say that he could fly. Get it? Because Clark is Superman, so he really can fly. Anyway. Clark tells Lois that she should have consulted with him first, and Lois condescends to him with what amounts to "you win some, you lose some." She goes on to say that she would never do anything to compromise her safety or her journalistic integrity, at which point Jimmy walks up to her desk carrying a dry cleaning bag that had been delivered for her. He says the cleaners had some problems with the feathers, and pulls out what appears to be a skimpy chicken costume. Lois hides the outfit in disgust, but I'm sure she could pull it off.<br /><br />Lex Luthor is holding a press conference regarding some urban renewal projects that he is investing in that just happen to be in the West River area. He doesn't seem worried about the fires, and delights in the fact that not even Superman can keep up with them. He refers to the area is a blight on Metropolis, and says that the newly-rechristened Lex Harbor will be the crown jewel of the city. Clark, who is in attendance, asks Lex about allegations of coercion made by city council members, and Lex brushes him off before abruptly leaving. Clark watches him leave and looks back at the model of Lex Harbor pensively.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230080/" title="LCLexHarbor by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5045/5369230080_57d3728a59.jpg" width="479" height="359" alt="LCLexHarbor" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>"Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg... Otisburg?"</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Meanwhile, at the Metro Club, Lois is being trained as a waitress. The trainer warns Lois to watch out for the wandering hands of the men in this club. A group of suited men enter a back room of the club, and Lois offers $20 to the woman training her to let her serve the men their drinks. In the back room, the gambinos are stressing about the fires, but Johnny reassures them that he'll take care of them. Ms. Exposition interjects, asking how he plans to take care of them, and Johnny looks pissed as Lois enters with some drinks. Johnny grabs Lois's butt non-chalantly, being sure to get a really good handful there.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230120/" title="LCGrabThat by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5209/5369230120_89c338419e.jpg" width="479" height="355" alt="LCGrabThat" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>"Yeah, that's the stuff. That is nice, kid. You must work out.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />He then goes back to berating Ms. Exposition (whom Johnny refers to as 'Ms. MBA', so I think that will be her name from now on), saying that the old-style gangster tactics that they're using now worked just fine for his father (their father? the implication is that they are siblings), and that if their father were here he would "be the first to tell you to get a good husband, start having babies, and leave the real work to the men". Ms. MBA shoots back that that's what their father did tell her, not realizing that Johnny would ruin everything. BURN! Johnny pulls a gun and fires three times at the wall, proving that he is the more level-headed of the two. Ms. MBA strolls out, and everyone else gets up from off of the floor, having hidden there when the gun made its appearance.<br /><br />That evening, a mangy sailor enters the Metro Club. He wears a stocking cap, mustache, chin beard, and glasses. Yep, it's Clark. Just soak this in for a minute:<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620337/" title="LCSchmidty by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5084/5368620337_6558f4b707.jpg" width="481" height="359" alt="LCSchmidty" /></a></CENTER><br />Honestly, it's a better disguise than just putting on a pair of glasses and slouching, but still. That's just damn ridiculous. Anyway. Let's move on. Clark strolls over to the bar, orders a beer, and peruses the club, immediately finding the head gangsters. He moves along the back wall of the club when, from behind a curtain, a feathered hand grabs him. Naturally it's Lois, in full skimpy chicken getup.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620373/" title="LCRidiculous by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5083/5368620373_23b3a799af.jpg" width="480" height="359" alt="LCRidiculous" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>"You look ridiculous!"</SMALL></i></CENTER><br />She yells at Clark for even being there, but Clark doesn't magically disappear for some reason, probably because he wants to protect Lois. He asks her how she plans to get close to Johnny, to which Lois replies, "He's a man, I'm a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?" So...she's going to have sex with him? I've seen diagrams like the ones she's talking about, and I'm pretty sure that's what she's implying. Lois gets a call to the stage, and Clark heads back out to watch the show. He strolls back up to the bar and orders two double Whiskeys, which he downs immediately, then starts to complain to the bartender about how he got thrown off of his ship today. Wow, Clark, you are a convincing sailor. Maybe you should throw in a couple of 'gash darnits' just to really drive it home. As Clark whines, the show starts, and Lois dances around in her chicken costume. It's the most not-hot thing I've ever seen. Clark asks the bartender if the club has any job openings, and the bartender says that Clark isn't the type. Clark acts all indignant, and the manager - Ms. MBA - approaches, saying they don't have any openings and that he'll need to leave, as he is violating the club's dress code policy. It is at that point that these four enter the club:<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230272/" title="LCDevo by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5121/5369230272_36e8ed2bd0.jpg" width="480" height="357" alt="LCDevo" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Oh my God! It's DEVO!</SMALL></i></CENTER><br />One of the guys in silver screams at Johnny that he's a dead man, and all four of them open fire with their flame throwers. Clark leaps across the room and knocks Johnny out of the way of the flames as the four set the place ablaze. Several gangsters shoot at the silver guys, and the four run away. Clark helps Johnny to his feet, then sees that Ms. MBA is trapped behind a wall of flames. He leaps through them and saves her, then rushes everyone else, chicken-suited Lois included, out of the club. As they all leave, he uses his super-breath to put out the fire. As the fire dies down, Lois rushes back in and asks Clark who those guys were. Clarks points to the wall, where the word 'TOASTERS' has been burned. This gang is called The Toasters. Or they really hate appliances. Either way, wow is that awful.<br /><br />The next day, the club is being cleaned up. They try to paint over the burn marks, but to no avail - the word TOASTERS is still plainly visible. You know, if they renamed the place Toasters, that might actually work to their advantage. But then their club wouldn't be named after their gang, and that would just be silly. There's a secret meeting going on in the back room, and no waitresses are allowed in, so Lois can't get in to spy on them. She does the next best thing, though: she sneaks into the room adjacent and spies through the bullet holes that Johnny shot earlier, which apparently afford her a clear view of the whole room. Nice shootin', Johnny. In the meeting, Ms. MBA has organized a coup against her brother. She orders Johnny removed from the room, and tells everyone else that she plans to take their organization "out of the back room and into the board room". Corporations are evil. Throw rocks at them.<br /><br />Lois rushes back to the Planet and tells Clark what she heard about Johnny's sister, Toni, taking over (finally, she has a name!). Lois sets to work on the story, and Clark tells her that Toni asked him to meet her at the club later that day. She is shocked and asks why, to which Clark replies, "I'm a man, she's a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?" Again, is Clark planning on having sex with this woman? What kind of reporters are these two? The sexy kind, that's what.<br /><br />The next next day, Toni is furious that the story of the Metro Gang's power shift is in the Planet. She fumes and wonders where the leak came from, as this information could only have come from inside the organization. She orders one of her lackeys to find the leak, and as she does Clark arrives in his sailor disguise. Toni offers him a bartending job, as a token of appreciation for his having saved her life. She also gives him some money to buy better clothes and to shave. Well done, Toni. Whatever that thing is on his face was really driving me crazy. As they talk, another of Toni's lackeys approaches her and tells her that the club's singer just quit and that they need to find a new one.<br /><br />Later that evening, a clean-shaven Clar...er, Charlie King (That's his alias. CK, get it?) is tending bar. Lois spies him and is outraged that he is there. Toni approaches the bar and advises them against fraternization, and Clark gives Lois a nice pat on the butt as she walks away. Clark fixes Toni a drink, using his powers to freeze up some ice, and asks if she heard about The Toasters' latest hit: burning a police station to the ground. He asks Toni how she plans to stop them, and before she answers Toni turns and looks across the room, where Lex Luthor is entering the club. She tells Clark that they will talk later and she and Lex get a table. Clark listens in with his super-hearing as Toni tells Lex that everything is under control. She says that she's worried about The Toasters, and before Clark can hear more, the music starts and the announcer introduces Ms. Lola Dane - a sequin-dressed Lois Lane. As they listen to her sing, both Clark and Lex look at her with that TV show look that you know means they're both falling in love with her. The song she sings is called "I've Got A Crush On You," which finally explains the title of the episode. Lois makes eye contact with Lex and smiles, and Clark notices and gets jealous. The song ends, everyone applauds, and Lex throws Lois a rose. Clark abandons his post at the bar and meets Lois backstage. He warns Lois to get out of there, but Lois insists that she and Lex are friends. Suddenly they're ambushed by Toni, and Clark says that he found their leak: Lois Lane, reporter for the Daily Planet. Toni tells him to throw her out, which he does by slinging her over his shoulder and carrying her out of the club. He approaches two dumpsters and uses his x-ray vision to see what's in them. One has straw and other soft materials in it, while the other has rotten vegetables in it. So Clark tosses Lois into the dumpster full of rotten vegetables. Clark, I forgive you for the horrible disguise from earlier in the episode. This was the most badass thing you've ever done.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230330/" title="LCLoisTrash by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5242/5369230330_31474a0fa1.jpg" width="476" height="358" alt="LCLoisTrash" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>I'm sure that, some day, when they're in couples counseling,<br />Clark and Lois will look back on this and laugh.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Back at Clark's apartment, Lois storms in, still wearing the dress and presumably stinking like rotten tomatoes. She yells at him about blowing her cover, and Clark explains that at least now Toni won't be looking for a leak, and his cover is still safe, so la-di-frickin'-da, Lane, get over it. Before Lois can yell at him some more, there's a knock at the door. Clark sees with his x-ray vision that it's Toni, and he shoos Lois away, forcing her to hide behind a pillar in the apartment. Lois resists, and Clark accuses her of being jealous, which she denies.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620503/" title="LCPlasticManPillar by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5203/5368620503_b0496eef09.jpg" width="475" height="355" alt="LCPlasticManPillar" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>I'm mostly showing you this because that pillar in Clark's<br />apartment looks just like Plastic Man in disguise.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Clark opens the door, and Toni enters with a bag of groceries, offering to cook Clark some homemade lasagna. According to Jennie, 'lasagna' is code for 'vagina'. Use your imagination, kids, it's totally true. Toni and Clark have some sexually-charged banter about each getting what they want, and Clark grabs Toni and kisses her, giving Lois a chance to make her exit. Lois gets home and scoffs at the idea that she is jealous of Toni. As she scarfs down ice cream from the container (just like a woman!), she realizes that she actually is jealous.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230436/" title="LCLoisMopes by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5046/5369230436_c2b22e0c72.jpg" width="484" height="358" alt="LCLoisMopes" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>I know that women do this because I've seen it on Lifetime.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Just then, a knock comes at the door, and it's Lex Luthor, tux-clad and dashing as ever. His first words to her: "Let's do it." Apparently he's referring to the song she sang earlier, but we all know he really just wants to get on her. Lois invites Lex in and explains to him that she was undercover at the club and that she was fired. She asks Lex what he was doing at the club, and Lex explains that he was meeting with the new leader of the Metro Gang. They both have plans for the West River area, and Lex says that he doesn't trust Toni. He warns Lois to be careful, kisses her cheek, and leaves.<br /><br />Back at Clark's place, he and Toni are on the balcony, having finished eating Toni's <s>vagina</s> lasagna. They talk about feelings and their families, and Toni says she wants to make the Metro Gang a legitimate organization, as long as they can get past The Toasters. Clark pledges to help her, but before they can get down to business time (you know what I'm sayin'), Toni says she has to leave because she has a prior engagement. She leaves Clark's apartment, and is followed by Lois, who emerges from the shadows. Toni makes her way to the West River district and sneaks into the building that was on fire at the beginning of the episode. There she meets up with The Toasters.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230478/" title="LCChiliPeppers by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5244/5369230478_e388e38d85.jpg" width="474" height="357" alt="LCChiliPeppers" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>It's not DEVO, it's the Red Hot Chili Peppers!</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Toni gives them $100,000, and berates them for botching the attempt on her brother's life. She tells them that she wants the toasters back, and I assume she's talking about the flame throwers and not about a bunch of household appliances that they borrowed from her. The gang refuses to give them back to her and instead takes her hostage. They tell her they're planning to set a string of fires leading from the wharf all the way to the Metro Club, and that she'll just have to wait until then to burn to death. Lois, having followed Toni and hidden herself inside the building, hears the whole thing.<br /><br />She then proceeds to fall asleep, and is awoken by one of The Toasters trying to catch a rat. She takes this opportunity to leave and head to Clark's place. She tells Clark everything she heard the previous night, and Clarks turns on the TV to see that the wharf is already on fire. Lois runs out to head to the scene, and Clark takes off his glasses, instantly becoming Superman! He also takes off his shirt, presumably because he needs to put the rest of his costume on.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5369230518/" title="LCMusicVideo by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5122/5369230518_577df4748b.jpg" width="479" height="356" alt="LCMusicVideo" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Burn it! Burn it good!</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Down at the wharf, <s>Devo</s> <s>The Red Hot Chili Peppers</s> The Toasters are running amok! Superman arrives and makes a bad pun about people playing with fire. The Toasters attempt to burn Superman, but he uses his super-breath to freeze them in place. He makes several more puns about cooling people off and toasty jail cells, and just generally displays a complete lack of a sense of humor. He really needs to talk to Buffy Summers about how to properly pun.<br /><br />Inside the burnt-out building, Lex Luthor finds Toni. Lex gloats about how he and Toni had a plan to reshape West River, but how Toni got careless and Lex made out like a bandit buying cheap, burnt-out real estate. As he's talking, he takes out a handkerchief and lays it on a chair so that he can sit down. He's so casually awesome that it makes my head explode. Toni threatens to reveal Lex's connection to The Toasters, but Lex scoffs, saying that no matter where she goes he has connections and that she'd better keep her mouth shut. He welcomes her to the world of big business, and leaves her tied up there. You're the man, Lex. Seriously, you're the best character on this show.<br /><br />Superman flies over the area that is ablaze and uses...some sort of powers to make it rain. I'm not sure what he does, honestly. He blows some clouds around, and it starts to storm. He's Superman, just go with it. Back at the abandoned building, Clark enters and unties Toni, telling her that she let him down. She explains that she had to take control of the Metro Gang somehow, and Clark explains that he's a reporter for the Daily Planet and not Charlie King, hired goon. Toni asks what happens now as sirens approach. If this had been any other show, she would have shot herself in the head rather than go to jail, but Toni just shrugs and accepts her fate.<br /><br />Back at LexCorp, Lex is celebrating his victory with a cigar. Lex Luthor, you magnificent bastard. Even when you lose, you win!<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620733/" title="LCLexVictory by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5129/5368620733_3325a64f5f.jpg" width="481" height="359" alt="LCLexVictory" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>He also celebrates by talking on his Zach Morris phone.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Back at the Planet, Clark and Lois are wrapping things up on their end. There are a bunch of sports metaphors thrown around about quarterbacks and receivers and the sexual tension is palpable between the two of them even though they're at each other's throats about who actually got the story, and eventually they agree to drop the metaphors thank you baby Jesus because it was annoying. Clark smiles smugly and asks Lois again if she was at all jealous of he and Toni Taylor (her last name was Taylor! Good to know, here at the end of the episode). Lois again scoffs, saying that he just wishes it were true. The two smile longingly at each other, and they should just kiss already because they're clearly in love with each other. THE END.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5368620789/" title="LCSexualTension by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5004/5368620789_a77a86e698.jpg" width="477" height="359" alt="LCSexualTension" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>TOP SHIP.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br /><b>REVIEW:</b> This episode was extremely entertaining. Aside from the cookie cutter gangster characters, the main villainess was a fairly interesting character, and her plot with Lex Luthor just made it all the better. I'm a big fan of the idea that Lex Luthor is somehow involved in every criminal dealing in Metropolis, and I think that was used perfectly in this episode. The showdown between Superman and The Toasters lasted all of 30 seconds, so there wasn't very much super-powered action at all in this episode, but it was great to see Lois and Clark being journalists. Lois in particular hasn't really had a chance, in my opinion, to show why she's such a highly-respected reporter - she's mostly, up until this point, been portrayed as an impulsive, stubborn, hapless buffoon - and I really enjoyed her story in this episode (and not just because she wore skimpy outfits throughout, though that certainly didn't hurt). Plus we get the beginnings of Lois having feelings for Clark, which is definitely a big milestone, as well as some foundation being laid for the Clark/Lois/Lex love triangle, which is great because anything that features Lex prominently is enjoyable. Man, this episode was enjoyable. Bring on more like this.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-52919469590443145482011-01-13T19:30:00.000-05:002011-01-13T20:07:25.629-05:00The X-Files: Deep Throat<div><em>Netflix synopsis: Mulder and Scully investigate the mysterious case of a military test pilot who disappeared after experiencing strange psychotic behavior.<br /><br /></em>It's been years and years since I've seen this episode and this is what I remember: Crazy pilots getting kidnapped, a crazy pilot pulls out his hair and makes fishing lures? Seth Green. Introduction of Deep Throat, Mulder's first informant. Lots of running from helicopters. Um...<br /><br /><strong>NEAR ELLENS AIR BASE,<br />SOUTHWEST IDAHO</strong><br /><br />A SWAT team storms a normal suburban house in a normal suburban neighborhood. A woman crosses the police line, demanding to be let through. Her name is Mrs. Budahas and it's her house they're breaking into, thank you very much. The SWAT guy in charge tells her that they're looking for her husband, Colonel Budahas, because he did something bad with some military secrets, which is a no-no.<br /><br />They break down the door and storm like a SWAT team does. Mrs. Budahas is losing her shit. They find her husband inside and see him before we do. The scared dude who finds him says Budahas is going to need a doctor. Cut to...Colonel Budahas, covered in a gross rash or burns or something. And he's in his underwear. That has to be embarrassing.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391028/" title="1budahas rash by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5010/5353391028_361a4a5bba.jpg" width="500" height="299" alt="1budahas rash" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Is every episode gonna start with a weird skin thing?</span></span><br /></div><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd4l4noVdKg">Credits! First time ever!</a> This is Mark Snow's first episode, he of the spooky music-making.<br /><br /><strong>WASHINGTON, D.C.</strong><br /><br />Scully is at a bar, wearing her glasses and working on something instead of getting drunk like a normal person. You guys, Scully is such a loser sometimes. Mulder comes from behind (heh) and gets all up in her business. He offers to buy her a drink and she's all judgy because it's 2 PM. Whatever, Scully, it's five o'clock somewhere. They get a table because Mulder wants to show her something he couldn't show her at work. Heeheehee.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391120/" title="2mulder too close by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5129/5353391120_ece3d981e0.jpg" width="500" height="296" alt="2mulder too close" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">You're coming on a little strong, Mulder.</span></span><br /></div><br />It's not his penis, though (bummer). He wanted to show her a file about Colonel Budahas. The Colonel's been hospitalized since we last saw him, but no one will say for what, even though Mulder has I'M SURE been asking in the nicest way possible. Mrs. Budahas hasn't seen her husband in four months and instead of being happy that she gets the whole bed to herself, she reports it to the FBI as a kidnapping.<br /><br />Mulder tells Scully that six pilots have been reported missing from Ellens Air Base since 1963. He's pissed (as usual) because this case has been shelved for no reason, even though a dude is totally missing. So. They're going to Idaho. Whoo. Hoo. Scully wonders why he wants to investigate when there's nothing paranormal going on. Oh, Scully. Just wait.<br /><br />Mulder goes to the bathroom, which hardly ever happens on TV shows. This is relevant, I swear. After he washes his hands (whew), he leans down to splash water on his face. When he looks up, there is a man standing behind him, the same man who gave Mulder and Scully the hairy eyeball when they were walking through the bar earlier. This man is Jerry Hardin. You might recognize him from such films as <em>The Firm</em> or, like, a buttload of TV shows. Or you might recognize him because he's Deep Throat on <em>The X-Files</em>, bitches! That's kind of a spoiler because no one calls him Deep Throat in this episode, but I didn't want to keep calling him "that guy" this whole recap.<br /><br />Deep Throat tells Mulder to leave this case alone. He wants to help Mulder and has an interest in Mulder's work (that makes at least two people) but he won't tell Mulder who he is or who he works for. Deep Throat cautions Mulder that he's exposing himself and Agent Scully to risks, which seems reasonable, but we know Mulder never listens to reason so this is really the wrong tack to take with him. Deep Throat says some more cryptic-y things and leaves the restroom. Mulder rushes after him and looks frantically around the bar, but Deep Throat has disappeared.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391164/" title="3dt in mirror by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5005/5353391164_52d6c5e745.jpg" width="500" height="296" alt="3dt in mirror" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Creepy.</span></span><br /></div><br /><strong>F.B.I. HEADQUARTERS</strong><strong>MARRIETTE FIELD<br />SOUTHWEST IDAHO</strong><br /><br />A plane lands. Mulder and Scully knock on someone's door. Mrs. Budahas answers and they introduce themselves. She invites them in and probably gives them some lemonade and cookies because she seems pretty nice. They all sit and Mrs. Budahas tells them that she first noticed her husband was acting weird about two years ago. He got a rash that they attributed to some paint at the time, but then his personality changed. One night, at a dinner party, he sprinkled fish food on his plate but I think maybe he was trying to be funny and he's just not very good at it. Then he started yelling at the kids for no reason and having seizures, which I guess is more cause for concern than the fish food thing.<br /><br />She gets upset and says she wants her husband back. Scully says the government is not above the law but I think we all know that's not true, amirite? ZING! Mrs. Budahas worries that he's dead. Mulder gets impatient and sighs heavily, like he is totally bored. Don't be a dick, Mulder. He asks if this has happened to anyone else and Mrs. Budahas says it happened to Verna McClannen's husband, too.<br /><br />So. They all take a trip to Verna McClannen's house and watch her husband pull hair out of his head and use the strands to tie flies to fishing lures. Sounds like a good time. Verna doesn't think he's being all that weird, he's just suffering from all the stress of being a test pilot. The fly fishing has been good for him, anyway, so they should just take off their judgy pants and get the eff out. She whisper-yells at Mrs. Budahas for bringing the FBI to her house.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352778797/" title="4unclefester by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5043/5352778797_2225b84954.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="4unclefester" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">What happens when he runs out of hair?</span></span><br /></div><br />Mrs. Budahas gives Scully some numbers to call, saying that she's called them already but never gets any answers.<br /><br />Mulder and Scully leave, and Mulder asks what Scully thought of Uncle Fester (nice, Mulder). She's all, "I will answer your question with science," and then she answers his question with science. DUH. Mulder doesn't think it's a good enough explanation because these are test pilots, not zoo animals (it makes sense, I swear). Scully asks if he's heard of the Aurora Project and of course he has. I haven't, though. Apparently it was an unacknowledged code name for supersecret surveillance planes. Scully posits that Colonel Budahas was one of the test pilots and washed out of the program. Mulder doesn't buy it.<br /><br />They go back to the hotel. Mulder's cell phone is huge and hilarious.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391220/" title="5cell phone by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5290/5353391220_b380bdf117.jpg" width="500" height="382" alt="5cell phone" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">That's the biggest thing I've ever seen THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID</span></span><br /></div><br />No one will meet with them, probably because Mulder's already bugged them a million times. Scully says someone named Colonel Kissell will meet with them...a week from Friday. They're not hanging around that long, though, I guess because the FBI won't pay for their Ford Taurus rental for that long. They stalk Colonel Kissell by looking him up in the phone book. Remember phone books? Colonel Kissell won't talk to them and runs into his house after telling them to get the hell out of his yard. He's like Mr. Wilson and Mulder and Scully are like Dennis the Menace.<br /><br />As they stand on his porch, a man, Paul Mossinger, walks up the driveway to introduce himself. He's a local journalist and has heard that Mulder and Scully are looking into the Budahas disappearance. He's surprised to see them, honestly, because he sees more UFO nuts than FBI agents out there. He asks if they're getting anywhere in the case but Mulder No Comments and starts to get in the car. Mulder stops, though, and asks if Paul has ever seen a UFO. Paul says no and that it's all "hooey" anyway and you can tell Scully wants to jump his bones. Mulder asks where he can talk to a UFO nut. They go to a restaurant called The Flying Saucer.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391262/" title="6flying saucer by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5123/5353391262_b7416b7b50.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="6flying saucer" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">I want to go to there. </span></span><br /></div><br />They sit at the counter and eat lunch. Mmm, lunch. There are photos of UFOs along the wall and Mulder asks the waitress behind the counter about them. I shall call her Alice. Alice says she took one of the UFO pictures herself, and offers to sell them one. Mulder says to put it on his tab and Scully calls him a sucker. It's cute. Then Mulder asks how he might see a UFO and Scully leaves in a huff and it's not so cute.<br /><br />Scully's outside looking at a giant map when Mulder comes out of the diner, and she tells him that Ellens Air Base isn't on it. Mulder knows and doesn't really care because Alice drew him his own map.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352778887/" title="7map by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5002/5352778887_845484ed2c.jpg" width="500" height="315" alt="7map" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">This is way better than <a href="http://joeandjennie.blogspot.com/2011/01/lois-clark-episode-3-neverending-battle.html">Clark's map</a>.</span></span><br /></div><br /><strong>OUTSIDE ELLENS AIR BASE<br />6:04 P.M.</strong><br /><br />Mulder and Scully drive along a barbwire fence. Mulder stops the car and gets some binoculars out of the trunk. Scully is pissed that he's dragging her on a UFO hunt and snipes that this'll look REAL good on her field report. Low blow, Scully. Mulder isn't listening, though, he's climbing a hill with his binoculars.<br /><br />When the night falls (my lonely heart calls), we see that Scully is sleeping in the car because she's not here to stakeout aliens, dammit. There's a loud noise and she screams as the rear windshield shatters. Mulder throws her door open, says she's gotta see something (again?) and pulls her out of the car.<br /><br /><strong>9:13 P.M.</strong><br /><br />They stand on a hill overlooking the fenced-in air base and stare as two bright lights fly around the sky. They can't figure out what they are. Scully says they can't be air craft because aircraft can't move like that, so she says they must be lasers. Sure, Scully. They're lasers.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352778921/" title="8lights by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5167/5352778921_7f112439ff.jpg" width="500" height="313" alt="8lights" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Whatever, it's just Mr. Weasley's flying car.</span></span><br /></div><br />The lights disappear into the clouds and there's a huge burst of light. Scully OMGs because what kind of lasers do that? As they watch, another light approaches but RUH ROH, this time it's a helicopter. Two teenagers emerge from a hole in the fence. Mulder yells at them but they run away because, well, a guy in a suit is yelling at them while they sneak out of a military base. Mulder and Scully catch them, of course, because part of FBI training is being able to outrun teenagers. It turns out that the teenagers are a long-haired Seth Green and his girlfriend, Zoe. The helicopter catches up to them FINALLY (I guess Mulder and Scully can outrun helicopters as well as teenagers) but don't worry, they hide behind a tree. They all sigh with relief when it flies away and Seth Green says, "that was extreme." Oh, Seth. You're better than that.<br /><br /><strong>5:02 A.M.</strong><br /><br />They go to a diner and the teenagers stuff their faces because they are obviously high. Scully asks what they were doing out there in secret-militaryland and they giggle. They explain that they sneak in to see the light show and listen to "tunes." Mulder asks if they've ever been chased out before but they haven't. Seth tells them about a place called the yellow base where they're supposed to store all of their secret UFO crap and you know Mulder is already trying to figure out how to break in. Seth says the yellow base is protected by land mines so they've never tried to make it there.<br /><br />Some dude is watching from outside the diner in his car, talking conspiratorially into a walkie-talkie. That's never good.<br /><br />Back in the diner, Seth is demonstrating how the UFOs fly with his hamburger.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391392/" title="9hamburger ufo by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5083/5353391392_24b3f3a35e.jpg" width="500" height="301" alt="9hamburger ufo" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Willow never would have dated this guy.</span></span><br /></div><br />Mulder and Scully are totally getting a kick out of these kids. Mulder shows Seth the UFO picture he bought from Alice at The Flying Saucer.<br /><br />"Do they look anything like this?" Mulder asks, hope shining out of his eyes like...a hope light.<br /><br />"No," says Seth and Mulder's face falls. "They look exactly like that." Mulder's happy again. It must be hard to be Mulder.<br /><br />They drop the kids off at some house. Mulder pulls Seth's scooter out of the trunk and hands it off to Seth. Mulder then says "laaaaater, duuuuude" and I'm so embarrassed for him that I bury my face in my hands. He gets back in the car, puts a tape in the car's tape player and starts rocking out. Scully is annoyed (standard) and turns it off. Mulder's all, "kids today, eh?" and it's adorable. I forgive him for saying "later, dude."<br /><br />Scully accuses him of believing it all and he's like, "of course I believe it all, have you met me?" She laughs because those kids were obviously stoned and Mulder is obviously dumb. Mulder wants to show her something AGAIN. Mulder, just whip it out already. Anyway, he shows her a photo of the UFO from Roswell (it looks like Alice's UFO picture) and she is ready to scoff. But! Mulder explains that Ellens Air Base is rumored to be one of the sites that the Roswell UFO was shipped to. He thinks the pilots are flying planes built using UFO technology. Scully pokes holes all over his theory even though it totally makes sense. Just because Scully can't explain the lights, doesn't mean she thinks they're UFOs. Yep. That's Scully in a nutshell.<br /><br />Later, Scully runs into Mulder's hotel room, all excited. Here's your chance, Mulder! But no, she just wants to tell him that Colonel Budahas is home.<br /><br />They drive to the House of Budahas. Mrs. Budahas answers the door crying. She invites them in and takes them to see her husband, who is just sitting in a chair playing with a model airplane. Aww, that's adorable. Mrs. Budahas claims that he's not her husband. Colonel Budahas looks up from his plane, all confused, and asks who Mulder and Scully are.<br /><br />Mulder introduces himself and tells him why they're there. He asks where he's been. Budahas says he's been in the hospital. Mulder asks Budahas some simple questions, like his DOB, the names of his kids, and he answers them easily. Still, Mrs. Budahas insists that he's not her husband.<br /><br />Mulder asks him a pilot question about flying that I don't understand, and apparently Budahas doesn't either because he can't answer it. That's kind of weird, him being a pilot and all. He says he can't remember and is freaked, but when he tries to go to his wife for comfort, she runs away from him. Ouch.<br /><br />Mulder and Scully leave and Mulder says that someone rewired Colonel Budahas's brain. Scully doesn't believe it OF COURSE and thinks it's just amnesia. Scully says the technology to do what Mulder is suggesting doesn't exist. She also wonders why they would do it, even if they could.<br /><br />They drive and discuss Colonel Budahas some more. Mulder thinks that humans can't handle flying the planes built with UFO technology, because the human body wasn't made for it. Makes sense. Scully laughs derisively and stops arguing, like she is just DONE having this conversation. Two cars approach from the opposite direction and force them to stop their car. A bunch of dudes in suits and sunglasses get out of the cars and ask them to get out of their car. Men in black, you guys!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352779037/" title="10mib by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5206/5352779037_4733ba816a.jpg" width="500" height="285" alt="10mib" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Tell me something...do I make this look good? </span></span><br /></div><br />They manhandle Mulder and Scully a bit, even though they play the FBI card. They don't care about their stinking badges. The MIB take all of their evidence (aww, again?) and destroy the roll of film in Mulder's camera. They cannot catch a break. Mulder asks what's going on, which is a fair question, and gets punched in the kidney. One of the MIB tells them to GTFO of town. So they go back to the hotel, presumably to pack and GTFO of town.<br /><br />Scully asks who those guys were. Mulder supposes that they weren't chasing Seth and Zoe away from the base the other night, they were chasing them. Mulder admits to Scully that there's something he didn't tell her. "Something else?" she asks, all sarcastic and tired. Oh, Scully. Never change. He tells her about the man, Deep Throat, who approached him in DC and that he thinks his phone was being tapped. Scully wonders why they would bother doing that and she has a point, because (we don't know this yet but) Mulder spends most of his time calling phone sex lines.<br /><br />In any case, Mulder thinks there's a conspiracy which...NO WAY. He thinks that they'll do anything to protect their secret and their secret is that they have like a billion UFOs all over that base. Mulder says that if that's true, it's basically confirmation of the existence of alien life. Scully thinks it's just a plane that the government is testing, not a UFO, and that they should back off. The kidnap victim they were investigating is back, so she says they should leave. Mulder thinks it over for .5 seconds, says he's going to shower and pack, and then they'll leave. That was... way too easy.<br /><br />He leaves the room and almost immediately, Scully hears a car start. She runs outside to see Mulder driving away, all General Lee style. He's such a dumbass sometimes.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352779077/" title="11general lee by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5205/5352779077_1201c48990.jpg" width="500" height="299" alt="11general lee" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAW!</span></span><br /></div><br />Seth and Zoe show Mulder where to sneak into the base, but they won't go in with him because they've never gone in during the day before. Mulder asks how to get to the yellow base but they tell him not to go because it's too dangerous. I'm sure he will listen to reason.<br /><br />Zoe tells Mulder not to go beyond the tall weeds, so of course he goes beyond the tall weeds. And waits. It gets dark. He walks out onto a runway and stands there all dumbfounded as what looks like a UFO hovers over him.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352779091/" title="12mulderufo by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5082/5352779091_0ccbab6f0a.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="12mulderufo" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Samantha?</span></span><br /></div><br />Mulder probably hopes that he'll get abducted so he won't have to deal Scully later because she is going to be piiiiissed. He doesn't get abducted by aliens, unfortunately, but some military guys do strap him down to a gurney and throw him in the back of one of their vehicles.<br /><br />Mulder's completely restrained and they inject him with something. I would feel sorry for him but this is his own fault.<br /><br /><strong>6:30 A.M.</strong><br /><br />Scully is trying to reach DC but having trouble getting an outside line. She tries to use the phone in the hotel lobby, but it's not working either. The guy at the desk blames it on the military base.<br /><br />Back in Mulder's house of pain, he's being transported through an airplane hanger. He's drugged out of his mind but semi-conscious, so he sees a bit of what's going on. There are men working on ships like the one that hovered above him. It looks like a UFO but it's hard to tell because A) it's behind a plastic that's hanging everywhere and B) Mulder is totally high right now.<br /><br />Scully walks across the parking lot in time to see Paul Mossinger coming out of her room. He makes an excuse, saying he was just looking for her, but she's suspicious and reaches for her gun. Unfortunately, she left it in her room. I don't think that's what they teach you in FBI school. She hears walkie-talkie noises coming from Paul's car. They eye each other and she makes a break for his car. She locks herself inside and finds a gun and security badge from the base hidden in his glove compartment, so she does the only logical thing and takes him hostage.<br /><br />Seth and Zoe pull up on their scooter as Scully holds the gun on Paul Mossinger. She finds out from them that they took Mulder to the base and he snuck inside. Scully yells at Paul to get on his walkie talkie and find Mulder, now DAMMIT. She's so badass, you guys. I'd much rather have Scully on my side in a life-or-death situation than Mulder...sure she's teeny, but she's feisty and logical. Plus, Mulder drops his gun all the time. You'll see.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Mulder is lying, restrained, under a bright light and some dude is messing with his eyes. No! Stop it, that freaks me out. They don't care that I'm freaked out, though, and put some weird eye drops in his eyes.<br /><br />Scully is in the car with Paul, gun trained on him as he drives her to Mulder. He touches his eye like it hurts...did Scully hit him? Awesome. He says there are other ways to go about this, probably ways that don't involve him getting pistol-whipped by a dimutive redhead, but Scully's not having it. He stops the car in front of the gate leading into the base. Scully orders him to start the car again and to keep his hands on the wheel. You can tell she's nervous but she's keeping it together because she's Scully and she's badass.<br /><br />A Jeep drives out of the base and stops in front of them. Mulder gets out and walks shakily toward Scully's car. Scully orders Paul out of the car and tells Mulder to get in. Mulder stares at her, all dazed and confused, but finally stumbles his way to the car. Paul walks to the Jeep and, as he passes Mulder, he says that Mulder and Scully have acted inappropriately. Mulder is so high that he doesn't understand English right now so he just turns away and gets in Scully's car.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5353391520/" title="12mulder later dude by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5353391520_b816848158.jpg" width="500" height="298" alt="12mulder later dude" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Laaaater, duuuuude.</span><br /></div><br />Scully gets in the car and quickly drives away. This is so unrealistic. That Paul guy was Mulder's height and Scully's my height (read: short) and she didn't adjust the seat at all before she drove away. I call shenanigans! Anyway, once they're a safe distance from the bad guys, Scully asks if Mulder is OK. He says he thinks so but he doesn't remember how he got there. I hope they didn't break his brain but at least his pretty face is OK.<br /><br />They stop at the Budahas house because they definitely have time for that. Mrs. Budahas answers the door, they ask how Colonel Budahas is doing, and she says he's fine. She's clearly trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Colonel Budahas snaps from inside, "who is it now?" and she speedy quick gets rid of them by basically shutting the door in their faces.<br /><br />Mulder says "they" got to her. Scully doesn't care anymore and is all, "THAT'S ENOUGH, MULDER." She says they don't know anything more than when they got there. And that's what she's gonna write in her field report. She walks away. Yeah, it's weird.<br /><br /><strong>FBI HEADQUARTERS<br />WASHINGTON, D.C.<br />ONE WEEK LATER</strong><br /><br />Scully is typing her report and voiceovering for our benefit. She says Colonel Budahas is home and doesn't remember shit. She makes it sound nicer than that in her reoprt, though. She writes that Mulder thinks Budahas was flying aircraft built using UFO technology, but Scully says it's inconclusive. She CAN, however, corroborate his account of two unidentified flying objects. CASE CLOSED. Yeah, right.<br /><br />She leans back, looks at Mulder's UFO picture, and...that's it. This voiceover at the end was added because Fox (the network, not the Mulder) wanted more closure for the episode, thinking the average viewer was too stupid to understand it otherwise. They...may have been right. I don't know. In any case, this show ends up using the report-voiceover technique a whole lot, which is fine, but it's super boring to recap.<br /><br />While Scully's working, Mulder is running because I guess he doesn't have to write reports yet. Maybe that changes when Skinner starts YOU GUYS WHERE IS SKINNER? Anyway, he needs to stay in shape for the next time he sneaks onto an air base so I guess running is a better use of his time.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5352779171/" title="14dt and mulder by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5129/5352779171_b331d366ce.jpg" width="500" height="296" alt="14dt and mulder" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">So...wanna race? </span></span><br /></div><br />Deep Throat approaches and says their lives may be in danger because they've seen things they weren't supposed to. Oh, just you wait, Mister. Deep Throat says he can provide Mulder with information as long as it's in his best interest, which is vague and annoying. Mulder says he saw something but they erased it from his brain. Mulder asks what it was. Deep Throat doesn't really answer, though, and they have this exchange:<br /><br /><strong>Deep Throat:</strong> Mister Mulder, why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life on Earth, not entirely dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> Because, all the evidence to the contrary is not entirely dissuasive.<br /><strong>Deep Throat:</strong> Precisely.<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> They're here, aren't they?<br /><strong>Deep Throat:</strong> Agent Mulder, they've been here for a long, long time.<br /><br />Which leads me to...<br /><br /><strong>Favorite quotes:</strong><br /><br /><strong>Scully:</strong> You believe it all, don't you?<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> Why wouldn't I?<br /><strong>Scully:</strong> Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned -<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> Oooh...if you were that stoned, what?<br /><br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> Tell me I'm crazy.<br /><strong>Scully:</strong> Mulder...you're crazy.<br /><br /><strong>Man in Black:</strong> Please step out of the car.<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> <em>(to Scully)</em> Do you think if we ignore them they'll go away?<br /><strong>Man in Black:</strong> Please step out of the car.<br /><strong>Mulder:</strong> Guess not.</div>Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-27915368152367553262011-01-12T15:00:00.003-05:002011-01-12T15:01:40.268-05:00Lois & Clark Episode 5: Requiem for a Superhero<i>Netflix synopsis: When Lois discovers that her father, Dr. Sam Lane, is helping a corrupt boxing promoter create an army of cybernetic athletes, Superman steps into the boxing ring to defeat the killer robots. </i><br /><br />Killer robots. KILLER ROBOTS. <br /><br />Clark finds a baseball glove and bat on some bleachers. He starts playing baseball with himself, which sounds dirty but it isn't. This seems like a gross abuse of his powers, though, it being broad daylight and all, but I like it because it's exactly the sort of thing I'd do if I had superpowers. No one notices him floating in midair, which is lucky.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="clark floating by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346454941/"><img height="357" alt="clark floating" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5085/5346454941_78117848bb.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Wait...did I win or lose?</i></span></div><br />Over at The Daily Planet, Perry is mad because one of his poker buddies is flaking on that night's poker game. He asks Clark to join and it's worth noting that Clark's hair is far less mullety than it was earlier in the season. Perry basically bullies him into joining and is pretty excited when Clark says he was never good at poker.<br /><br />Later that night, Clark, Lois, Jimmy, and some no-names are playing poker with Perry. He's wearing an Elvis jacket. It's ugly. Lois is wearing a stupid hat. Stacy and Clinton would have a field day with this crew.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="poker by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5347064424/"><img height="310" alt="poker" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5088/5347064424_abd29422bb.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>P-p-p-poker face, p-p poker face.</i></span></div><br />They show Clark's hand and if I knew how to play poker at all, I'd probably know whether it was good or not. I don't know how to play poker, though, so I guess I'll have to wait and see. The suspense, it's killing me. I don't think Clark really knows whether it's a good hand, either.<br /><br />Jimmy says Superman would be a great poker player and Perry tells him to shut up. I guess all that standing up for himself that Jimmy did a couple of episodes ago didn't really stick. They all argue about whether or not Superman would use his X-ray vision to cheat. Clark almost does, but at the last minute he folds instead of cheating. What a stand up guy. I would totally cheat but that's probably just another reason it's good that I don't have superpowers.<br /><br />The next day, Perry tells Lois that she and Clark are going to be partners. She bitches and moans but Perry's not hearing it.<br /><br />"Howdy, Partner," Clark greets her. Ugh, what a dork.<br /><br />Perry assigns them a boxing story. Lois is mad because she's too good to report sports and boxing is boooooooring. She didn't say that, I said that. Lois asks if this assignment has anything to do with her "connections." Her father, apparently, is part of the boxing world but we already knew that from the Netflix synopsis because Netflix doesn't believe in NO SPOILERS.<br /><br />They go to the Menken Gym. Clark tries to impress Lois with his boxing knowledge, but she shuts him down because she's like the Rainman of boxing information or something. Anyway, in the course of their verbal sparring (see what I did there?), it's revealed that her father is Dr. Sam Lane WHICH WE ALREADY KNEW. He does reconstructive surgery on injured athletes, which explains why he's so good at building killer robots OH WAIT sorry, spoilers.<br /><br />Lois yells a question to one of the fighters, who gets pissed at her and orders her out of the gym. NO GIRLS ALLOWED. That guy's got some sand in his vagina. Some old guy named Allie runs out, tells them to ignore the angry fighter, calls Lois "pumpkin" and gives her one of those spin-around hugs you always see on TV but hardly ever in real life. Lois and Clark try to convince Allie to let them talk to the fighters who'll be fighting in the big match (I don't know) on Saturday but he's hesitant. Actually, he looks like he's about to poop his pants, but I didn't want to be crass.<br /><br />Sandy Vagina throws a towel at Clark and says he'll talk to them if Clark gets in the ring. Yeah, that's a great idea. Clark climbs into the ring and the roid-case starts throwing punches. Clark is like Mr. Miyagi and doesn't want to abuse his power, so he doesn't hit back. Sandy calls Clark "princess" and taunts him a whole bunch until finally Clark pushes him. Even Superman can't control himself when someone implies that he's a girl. Sigh. Someone stops the fight before it escalates any further, but not before I get wicked bored.<br /><br />The guy who stopped the fight is Max Menken. They don't tell you that yet, but I'm telling you now because I don't feel like making up a nickname for him. He says that the winner of Saturday's bout is going to fight Superman, which seems to be news to Clark. This is weird...they're advertising that one of the fighters will fight Superman without notifying Superman? Superman needs an agent.<br /><br />Lois and Clark leave because they are as bored as I am and they run into Lois's dad, Dr. Sam Lane, outside the gym. Lois is definitely not happy to see Daddy Dearest. Lois wants Sam to get them access to the fighters but he says he can't help. He asks Lois if they can have dinner soon and she's noncommittal. Daddy issues.<br /><br />Lex is on the phone at his house, talking to Max Menken and throwing darts at something off screen. He's blah blah blahing about how much money he has and how fast he makes money and he asks if Max sees his point. Max doesn't. I don't, either, for the record. I think he just likes to call people and threaten them for no raisin. Oh, and he's throwing darts at a cardboard cutout of Superman. You might be wondering where he got a cardboard cutout of Superman. My guess is it's left over from the last episode. Also, he's Lex Luthor, you think he can't get a cardboard cutout of Superman? <br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="superman cutout by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455013/"><img height="361" alt="superman cutout" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5127/5346455013_f9f1d7cb04.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Lois has one of these at home, too. </i></span></div><br />Lois and Clark are at The Daily Planet, working for once. Lois wonders why Clark is still there and Clark says he's working. Pay attention, Lois, I just said that. Lois thinks he's still there because he's waiting for her to open up to him about her daddy troubles because IT'S ALL ABOUT HER. She insists that she doesn't want to talk about her father, so of course she then starts complaining about him and how he was too hard on her, he was never home, he only criticized her, you know, the usual. I think we're supposed to feel sorry for her, but I don't really care.<br /><br />Allie calls and tells Lois he needs to talk to her. Lois wants to go alone because Allie will be more comfortable talking to someone he knows. Clark doesn't even try to argue and Lois says he surprises her sometimes. I think he just needs some "me" time, if you know what I'm saying and I think you do.<br /><br />Lois goes to meet Allie, but he's hit by a truck as he crosses the street to see her. I guess he's dead? Lois doesn't try to get help or anything, she just stares sadly down at him and quietly says his name. Call 911, Lois, even if he looks dead. Or do CPR. This is TV, where CPR magically brings people back to life even after they've been hanging from a tree for who knows how long <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwKTFeD0ZFY">YES I'M TALKING TO YOU, LOST</a>. [link warning: SAD LOST MUSIC AHOY] <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CPRCleanPrettyReliable">That is my least favorite TV trope</a> and that's the most egregious example I can think of because Charlie was HANGING FROM A TREE and Jack just freaking BEATS ON HIS CHEST and then he's back, all better. Although, I was really happy at the time that Charlie didn't die. But anyway. Right, Lois and Clark.<br /><br />Lex is on the phone again, being informed that Allie is dead. He hangs up the phone, crosses his arms, and starts talking to someone. He says it's an embarrassment to have someone killed, because it reflects poorly on you, which is totally what I think EVERY TIME I have to have someone killed. Having people killed is such a hassle and it makes him sad, not because the person is dead, but because it feels like he's let himself down somehow. YOU GUYS. He's not talking to anyone. There's no one else in the room. He's talking to himself...IN A MIRROR. Marry me, Lex Luthor.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="luthormirror by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455041/"><img height="293" alt="luthormirror" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5203/5346455041_306eee0f5a.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Who is this handsome fellow?</i></span></div><br />Lois is back in the office, sadly teabagging some...tea. She's sad face about Allie and we learn that the police are saying he was killed by a drunk driver. Lois insists that it wasn't an accident because he sounded like he was in trouble. Perry asks if her father can help.<br /><br />She goes to see her father at the gym. He's sitting by himself, gazing at a picture of Allie. You think they had a torrid love affair? I'm going to assume that they did. Lois and Sam reminisce and Lois says she thinks Allie was murdered. Sam is concerned and wonders if the driver saw her. He tells her to stay away from the story. Lois says she can't because she has a duty as a reporter, this is her story, and she's stubborn as shit. Lois asks if he can help her and he says he can't. This quickly turns into a fight about their relationship. "You were hardly a father at all!" Lois shouts. Ouch. She asks again about the murder, he says he knows nothing, and she leaves sadly. This is all very Jack/Sydney Bristow.<br /><br />Ooh, breaking and entering! Clark and Lois are breaking into Sam's office because Lois says he's hiding something. They go on weird dates. Anyway, she's picking a lock (she saw Jimmy do it once, so she's totally good at it) but having no luck. Clark gets tired of waiting and just rips the doorknob off without her noticing and she thinks her lock-picking skills opened the door. Aww, that's so sweet.<br /><br />They pull a shitload of files and pile them on a nearby table. How long are they planning on spending there? Maybe they should be a bit quicker. They find files about how all of the fighters "made mincemeat" out of their opponents.<br /><br />Clark explores a bit and uses his X-ray vision to find a hidden room behind a bookcase. He tells Lois he found it because his uncle has the same secret room in his den. Yeah, cause that's a normal thing to have. If you're a pedophile. Or Batman. In any case, Lois and Clark go in and investigate because that's what they do.<br /><br />There are a bunch of weird robot skeleton things all over. They kind of look like Giant Jesus after he burned down. Clark hears something with his superhearing and goes to take a look, shutting Lois in the secret room. It's Max and Sandy Vagina! Sandy Vagina is bragging about how he could beat Superman in a fight. Clark creates an earthquake by running in place really fast, which seems like it'd be a really beneficial ability. I would use it at work all the time, just so I could go home early.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="whats_left_of_jesus by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5347064326/"><img height="430" alt="whats_left_of_jesus" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5083/5347064326_5f48164709.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>RIP</i></span></div><br />Max and Sandy leave and Clark lets Lois out of the secret room. I'd have left her in there.<br /><br />Back at The Daily Planet, Jimmy is looking at the pictures Lois and Clark took at her father's office. Lois says it would be the lead story if it weren't for the earthquake and Jimmy is like, "there was no earthquake," and then makes a sex joke that is not only really obvious, but also not funny. This scene is completely pointless.<br /><br />Lois works on her story and Clark asks her if she really wants to do this, since she'll be implicating her father and possibly putting him in danger.<br /><br />She thinks it over and decides Clark is right, then writes Allie's death up as a normal hit and run. Perry questions her about her change of heart and is pissed that she ruined his awesome story. Clark is supportive because that's what a partner does, and Lois gives him a look like, "oh, so this is what friendship is like."<br /><br />Back at the gym, Sam is fixing up one of the boxers, but with bandages, not with robot arms. Lois confronts him about the robot surgeries. She wants to know what's going on and tells him she didn't write the story. He says she should have written it and they fight some more about what a horrible father/daughter he/she is. As much as it pains me, I have to side with Lois here, because she was trying to keep her dad safe AND he's the one who told her not to write the story in the first place. Maybe he forgot about that, though. He should give himself a robot brain.<br /><br />Anyway, apparently Sam started making robot parts to give to handicapped people. He was doing it for THE GOOD OF MANKIND, YOU GUYS. STOP JUDGING HIM. I don't know how the robot parts magically ended up inside of boxers. Psychic surgery?<br /><br />Perry assigns Lois to cover an auto show. He says he's giving the auto show story to her to boost her confidence but you know she's being punished because Perry is a total dick. Clark is being punished, too, and is assigned a story about the police academy graduation. Also, they're not partners anymore. Lois says Clark's probably glad and he's all, no, I love you, PLEASE HANG OUT WITH ME. I mean, the guy is playing baseball BY HIMSELF, so I think he could use some friends.<br /><br />Menken is meeting with Lex, DUN DUN DUUUUN. Menken is going on and on about how his fighters are the best fighters of all the fighters. Lex is forced to totally school him, which is awesome. The five fighters they created are only the beginning, he says. Those men will lead to an invulnerable army, hundreds of supermen, all under Lex's control. That seems like a great idea, I really hope this happens.<br /><br />Menken goes to Sam and says he needs to make the fighters stronger. Sam doesn't want to because he'd basically be creating terminators and he can't do that because he doesn't work for Skynet. Sam wants out and Menken says he has to stay until the end of his lifetime contract. I think a good lawyer could get him out of that, though, because he definitely never signed anything. Menken threatens to kill Sam some more so Sam goes to Lois.<br /><br />It turns out that Sam was recording Menken's threats. He gives them to Lois and tells Lois to write her story. He walks away, smiling, and Lois runs after him and calls him Daddy, but not in a dirty way. They have a moment and when Lois and Clark walk away, Clark puts a hand on her shoulder. When I was 11, I thought this meant they were MFEO.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="hand on back by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5347064506/"><img height="298" alt="hand on back" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5283/5347064506_773409dbf7.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>This is first base, right? </i></span></div><br />Perry asks Lois for her piece on the auto show and she says she didn't write it. He gets pissed until he sees she wrote the story about the fighters and their robot junk. So, instead of getting yelled at, Perry praises her for pulling his leg and writing the good story behind his back.<br /><br />They're going to run the story ASAP so Perry yells at everyone to, like, get it done already. He screams for a while and then says Lane and Clark are the greatest writing team since Woodward and Bernstein. Why isn't anyone calling 911 when Perry has so clearly had a stroke? Instead, everyone cheers.<br /><br />FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! It's almost time for the big fight and literally TENS of people have come out to watch it. Lex is at home, I think, reading a newspaper. The headline is hilarious.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="headline by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455131/"><img height="321" alt="headline" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5165/5346455131_8d47ebbe48.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>This makes me so RoboAngry! </i></span></div><br />I thought he'd be really pissed but he has a plan. He doesn't really care that the robofighter (heh) thing was exposed, he just doesn't want it to get back to him. He tells Menken to do him a favor, though, and get rid of Dr. Lane. Menken says Dr. Lane has disappeared (good idea) so Lex suggests using Lois as a way to get to him. Lois hasn't been in danger yet this episode, so I guess it's about time.<br /><br />The fighters are in the locker room getting ready. Sandy Vagina punches a hole in the wall and says he's going to kill Superman. Do the robot parts make them extra aggressive or is this guy just an asshole?<br /><br />The announcer says that the main fight (which I think is Superman vs. Sandy Vagina but I honestly have no idea) is canceled and everyone goes CRAZY. Especially the fighters. Sandy Vagina jumps into the ring and talks a bunch of smack. He wants to fight Superman! AHHHHHHH! HULK SMASH!<br /><br />Lex shows up at The Daily Planet and runs into Lois and Clark. He tells Lois that he respects Dr. Lane and wants to help him, and Lois gets all googly eyed. She's so easy, you guys.<br /><br />Menken comes in and interrupts this touching moment. He has a gun! Oh no! He takes Lois hostage because it wouldn't be an episode of <i>Lois and Clark</i> if Lois didn't need saving. Superman finds Menken and Lois in some alley and it looks like all will be well, until two robot fighters start beating the shit out of him. This doesn't last long, though, because he wraps them up in a fence. Yep. A fence. A little guy comes out to fight him and Superman stares him down until he scampers away.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="superman look by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455173/"><img height="295" alt="superman look" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5090/5346455173_0cbca95278.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Bish plz.</i></span></div><br />Meanwhile, Menken has run away, dragging Lois behind him. Lex emerges from the shadows with a gun. He shoots Menken, saving Lois, and then Superman shows up, asking if everyone is OK. Lois totally ignores him and goes up to Lex, all, "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ8m7iTsIyY">How can I thank you, you mysterious black clad hunk of a night thing?</a>" She is so fickle. Lex kisses her hand and makes a crack to Superman about how it was good that at least one of them could get there in time. OH NO HE DIDN'T.<br /><br />Sandy Vagina is still yelling about Superman and says Superman's too scared to fight him. So Superman shows up and they fight. Yawn. Sandy hits Superman really hard and Superman fall down go boom. Superman gets up and lets the fighter hit him a bunch of times in the face. It, of course, doesn't phase him at all and Sandy is way confused, but really I think that's his default. Confusion and roid-rage. Superman acts like he's going to hit Sandy but stops just before making contact, and instead flicks him in the forehead. The fighter falls down and gets tangled in the ropes. It's actually pretty hilarious, at least until Superman makes a really bad joke about...hanging...because the guy is "hanging" in the ropes. Sigh. He needs to take some punning lessons from Buffy.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="superman flick by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455209/"><img height="294" alt="superman flick" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5082/5346455209_593ccf0852.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>You've got something on your forehead OH WAIT IT'S MY SUPERFINGER.</i></span></div><br />Everyone cheers. Yay.<br /><br />Lex is back at his house, pouring champagne into a margarita glass. He's so slick he doesn't even need to use the right glass. He's talking to someone that we can't see...Lois perhaps? But no, he's explaining why he screwed Menken over (and, um, killed him...don't forget about that, Lex), and how it was to impress Lois and make Superman look stupid. So. He's definitely not talking to Lois.<br /><br />Oh, hey, there's an adorable dog in the room. Is he talking to the adorable dog?<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="adorable dog by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5346455239/"><img height="292" alt="adorable dog" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5087/5346455239_dfa56d1f8f.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Bark...bark?</i></span></div><br />He pours another glass of champagne. He sits down across from the dog, takes a sip of his drink, and gives the other glass to the dog. I'm not sure dogs are supposed to drink champagne but Lex Luthor does what he wants. At first I thought Lex was going to be talking to himself in the mirror again, but I think I like the fact that he was talking to the dog even better. Team Luthor.<br /><br />At The Daily Planet, Perry is reading Lois's follow up to the story. He praises himself for making Lois and Clark such a great team. BUT. He then says they won't be partners all the time, only when the time is right. What? That makes no sense. Perry is the worst editor ever.<br /><br />Clark pouts because Perry made fun of him for missing everything. Good thing Lex was there! Lois tells Clark not to worry about it because even Superman got there too late. Oh, ouch.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a title="clark pouting by Jenlala, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5347064736/"><img height="297" alt="clark pouting" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5121/5347064736_2b4363ba73.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:x-small;"><i>Who has sand in his vagina now? </i></span></div><br />Perry tells Clark there's another poker game that night, but Clark says he has other plans. Which are...beating the shit out of a punching bag. He punches it all the way across the room. Then he jump ropes really fast. Wheeeeee! I wonder if he can double dutch?<br /><br /><b>Review:</b> This wasn't a terrible episode. Again, it had a lot of Lex in it, which makes everything better, especially when he's doing things like talking to himself in the mirror or having conversations with his dog. I feel sort of bad that I'm getting all the good Lex episodes and Joe's episodes are Lex-Lite. Sorry, Joe.<br /><br />Also, I thought that Superman would be fighting a robot-robot, not a human with robot parts. That was disappointing. But Dean Cain made a lot of hilarious faces, so there's that. Two thumbs up!Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-36680783464536733652011-01-09T12:53:00.015-05:002011-01-10T21:38:04.264-05:00Lois & Clark, Episode 4: I'm Looking Through You<i><b>Netflix Synopsis:</b> Superman faces an unseen enemy when an invisible man terrorizes Metropolis, staging violent robberies and helping vicious criminals escape.</i><br /><br />...I don't even have anything to add to the synopsis. That does not bode well for this episode being interesting at all.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289482/" title="LCMikeCarlin by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5163/5344289482_9aa885ac63.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCMikeCarlin" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>DC Comics Editor Mike Carlin welcomes you to Superman Day!</SMALL></i></CENTER><br />It's Superman Day in Metropolis! Street vendors shill everything possible with the Superman logo on it. The crowd is made up mostly of DC Comics editors, which you would only know if you are a huge nerd like me, and now, thanks to me, you know it, too, thus making you a huge nerd. YOU'RE WELCOME. Superman swoops out of the sky, and Lois Lane, who is among the crowd, tries to get his attention, but to no avail. Don't worry, Lois, I'm sure he was just distracted by some kittens.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5343679909/" title="LCSupermanDay by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5290/5343679909_9b60cce8bc.jpg" width="500" height="377" alt="LCSupermanDay" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>This is where Superman got the idea for the key<br />to the Fortress of Solitude.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Up on-stage (did I mention there's a stage? There's a stage), Lex Luthor (who wears the key to the city around his neck like an Olympic gold medal) introduces Superman, and the deputy mayor of Metroplis takes the key from Luthor and gives it to Superman. You can't see it, but Lex is crying on the inside about this. Superman makes a brief speech, but is overwhelmed by the amount of praise he's receiving. While the festivities continue, Lex slinks off, headed to the Everglades. "Just what the bootmaker ordered," he sneers. God, Lex, you are so fired from life for that lame-ass comment.<br /><br />Having slipped away into a back alley, Superman composes himself, but begins to freak out and run away when a group of fangirls rush after him and trap him against the dead end of the alley. Could this be curtains for Superman? Felled by a throng of non-powered humans?<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5343679933/" title="LCBieberFever by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5244/5343679933_72bde3913f.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCBieberFever" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>It's Bieber Fever! CATCH IT!</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Apparently not, as when we return from the credits Clark and Lois are back at the Planet as if nothing happened. Lois is disappointed that Superman didn't notice her amid the crowd earlier that day. Continuing to ignore Lois, Clark looks out the window and spots a plane that is about to crash. He pretends to drop his pen, and while he's on the floor to pick it up he slips out of the room by crawling across the floor at superspeed. He couldn't have just excused himself to use the restroom or something? Honestly, Clark.<br /><br />Jimmy has brought a copy of the National Whisper to the staff meeting. The cover story is about an "invisible Robin Hood" who has been robbing slum lords and distributing the cash to poor people. Lois and Perry mock the Whisper as being nothing but tabloid trash. Getting back to the meeting, a reporter named Friez is working on a story about the escape of an armed robber named Henry Barnes from prison. Gee, I wonder if this Barnes guy is somehow connected to the invisible Robin Hood. I'm sure they are entirely unrelated. After all, this is a complex universe that they're building here. Lois finally notices that Clark has crawled away, only to find him standing across the room, pen in hand. Clark smiles and looks out the window, where the crashing plane is now flying safely. After the meeting, a talent agent and obvious huckster named Murray Brown arrives at the Planet looking for Superman. He tells Lois he wants to represent Superman, and figures that Lois will know how to find him since she wrote about him. Naturally, because all journalists trade contact information with the subjects of their stories.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5343679951/" title="LCHuckster by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5121/5343679951_bba7f2b752.jpg" width="500" height="379" alt="LCHuckster" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Although his wardrobe did appear in this episode,<br />Rodney Dangerfield was unavailable for this role.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Lois is mercifully called away to huddle around a TV with Clark and Jimmy, where they see footage of an invisible man hijacking a catering truck, which ends up at a homeless shelter. As they watch the footage, a strange woman comes up to Lois and tells her and Clark that she is the wife of the invisible man. Lois appears skeptical at first (Scully), but Clark says that he's fascinated by the paranormal (Mulder), and they decide to humor the woman.<br /><br />Back at the woman's house, they find some sort of lab equipment. According to the woman, her husband is something of scientist who spent most of his time in his lab. A few weeks ago he left, having somehow turned himself invisible. The woman wants Lois & Clark to write an article about him and to find out if he's ever coming home. As they leave, Lois is still not convinced, and Clark questions whether everything has to have a logical explanation, and Lois says yes. Clark brings up Superman, a man who flies and is bulletproof. Before she can answer, Lois & Clark see a skywriting plane asking Superman to contact Murray Brown about representation. Lois is disgusted by it along with all of the other Superman publicity, and Clark questions her motives, to which Lois replies that she's afraid Superman is going to forget about her.<br /><br />Having returned to the Planet, Lois & Clark arrive in time to see the invisible man's wife on television pleading for him to come home. As she speaks, we cut to another location, where a shadowy figure in a fedora and trenchcoat watches. Could this be the invisible man? Dun dun DUUUUUN. Back at the Planet, Lois still scoffs and says that there's no such thing as an invisible man. Later, at a jewelry store, the invisible man strikes! He pistolwhips people willy-nilly and steals most of the jewelry, and as he leaves he tells the people to say that the invisible man was here. Mwah hahahahahahaha! Seriously, he laughs like that. It's pretty awful.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289594/" title="LCRobbery by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5344289594_1844ef541e.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCRobbery" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Not a floating gun! I am paralyzed with fear!</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />At the crime scene later, Lois & Clark are still bickering like an old married couple about whether or not there is an invisible man when Lois receives a tip from one of the policemen, and they head off to investigate. They arrive at the invisible man's wife's house to find the lab trashed. She insists that her husband didn't do this, and afterward Lois & Clark bicker some more about multiple invisible men and about the secrets that couples keep from each other. Lois tells Clark that she has to get home, as she has a date with Superman, and Clark is surprised by this.<br /><br />That evening, Lois and Cat Grant (did I ever mention that Cat Grant was in this episode? She is, but she's not ever really important) are attending a charity auction. Lex Luthor is up for bids first, and he sells for $10,000. Superman is next on the auction block, and Lois and Cat get into a bidding war over him. Eventually the price soars (like Superman!) out of their price range, selling for $50,000. Lois is crushed, and Lex can't help but notice. He's wearing new alligator-skin boots (the cad!), and he asks Lois to have lunch with him, and offer that she accepts. Way to pick up Superman's leftovers, Lex! Outside of the auction, Superman is flying off when Murray Brown, who has apparently been hanging around the auction, calls after him. The agent pushes him to sign a deal, and Superman flatly rejects him and flies away. Back inside, Clark finds Lois drowning her sorrows in champagne. She pines over Superman, and Clark tries to reassure her that he really does care about her. He being Superman, not he being Clark. Except Clark is Superman, so I suppose it's all semantics.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289608/" title="LCLoisMopes by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5121/5344289608_c9418d0679.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCLoisMopes" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Cheer up, Lois. I'm sure he'd love you if you had more money.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Later that night, the invisible man breaks into some old guy's office, strangles the guy, and steals his rare gold coins. What a dick!<br /><br />The next day at the Planet, Lois is working on the latest robbery story. Clark arrives with a sample of cloth from the invisible man's lab that he has had tested at STAR Labs. The cloth is designed to use flourescent light to make someone appear to be invisible, and Lois counts this as a victory in the "there's no such thing as an invisible man" argument because the guy isn't actually invisible, he just appears that way. What is it going to take to convince this broad? Does the guy's skin have to be invisible? Because, if I recall correctly, there's an episode of The X-Files about that, and the guy gets hit by a car because he can't ever turn visible again and he wanders out into traffic. And also because he's an idiot. Anyway.<br /><br />That night, Lois and Jimmy are working late at the office, Jimmy having collected as much information as possible about armed robberies over the last 10 years. What they hope to prove with this information is beyond me. As they look through the info, someone dressed like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0024184/">Claude Rains</a> approaches them and pronounces dramatically that he is the invisible man. Lois pulls the bandage off of his perfectly visible nose and tells him to get lost, and he scampers off in shame. Lois spies three more people waiting for her, all dressed exactly the same, and decides to go home, leaving Clark alone at his desk.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289630/" title="LCInvisibleMen by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5123/5344289630_ca9ee08a0a.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCInvisibleMen" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>It's shit like this that makes Lois Lane a laughing stock.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Later, Clark has a nightmare in which he is taunted by Planet staffers dressed as Superman. They fly around, cackle, and are just generally meany poopheads to him.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5343680045/" title="LCNightmare by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5165/5343680045_1c65f27238.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCNightmare" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Welcome to your nightmare, dear reader.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Meanwhile, at Lois's apartment, a knock comes at the door, rousing her from bed. She goes to the door to find no one there, but when she re-enters the apartment a disembodied head greets her. It's the invisible man! Lois screams and faints. I think I would probably do the same in that situation, so I can't mock her for this. And I applaud her for keeping control of her bladder.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289678/" title="LCThatGuysHead by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5081/5344289678_010814549f.jpg" width="500" height="379" alt="LCThatGuysHead" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Hey, it's that guy's head!</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />The next day, Clark & Lois are talking to the invisible man, whose name is Alan. He explains that he became the invisible man in order to help people, but that whoever is committing crimes in his name is not him. He explains that someone must have stolen one of his backup suits, and asks Lois & Clark to help him stop whoever did it. Lois says that they really need Superman's help, but that he's probably getting ready to appear on his own TV show by now. "Superman on TV?" Clark says, "I don't think so." Meta! And, also, I agree, Clark. Clark and Alan leave Lois's apartment, but not before getting a glimpse of her Superman pajamas. So let me get this straight. Throughout the episode Lois has bitched and bitched about how Superman is selling out and going all commercial - she remembers his earlier work, back when he had standards, man - but, at the same time, she's supporting that commercialism by buying Superman pajamas? This just in: Lois Lane is a hypocrite.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289698/" title="LCLoisPJs by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5344289698_4553469e9e.jpg" width="500" height="377" alt="LCLoisPJs" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>This image = my boyhood fantasies.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />That same night, a figure in a fedora and trenchcoat is walking down the rainy street. He passes a wanted poster for Henry Barnes, the escaped thief mentioned at the beginning of the episode, and as he steps into the light you can see that it's Barnes himself. How convenient for the viewer! Though it might have also helped if he was wearing prison stripes and a nametag. Back at Clark's apartment, Clark and Alan are chillin' like two cool dudes do. Alan says that Clark can't imagine having someone not see the part of him that he wants them to see, but Clark says that he understands. Then, rather abruptly, Clark has to leave, probably to do Superman stuff, leaving Alan alone.<br /><br />He didn't have to do Superman stuff, though, he just had to go to Smallville to whine to his parents about how popular the Superman brand has become. He's afraid that he won't be able to keep up with it, and that he's losing himself to the Superman suit. Of course, his parents aren't helping, having collected a nice assortment of memorabilia themselves. It's nothing compared to my collection, but it's not a bad start. They assure him, though, that it's not the suit, but the man underneath it that counts.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289722/" title="LCMa&Pa by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5284/5344289722_3f5a40651a.jpg" width="500" height="379" alt="LCMa&Pa" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>I just...I don't even know.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />The next day, Lois, Clark, Jimmy, and Perry see a news report about the invisible man having released a bunch of criminals. Lois worries that Superman won't be able to stop an army of invisible criminals. The invisible gang plans to rob a huge gold supply, and Lois and Clark determine where they plan to strike next: The Fort Metroplis Gold Repository! Fort Metropolis? Seriously? This show is insulting to my intelligence. I'm sure I thought that this was awesome when I was 10 and I saw this for the first time, but good lord, show, you are <i>just awful.</i><br /><br />Clark and Lois head back to Clark's apartment to find Invisible Alan asleep on Clark's couch. He's like their small child, except he's older than both of their ages combined. They share a cup of tea and muse about which powers they would rather have, invisibility or flight. Lois says she always wished she could be invisible, while Clark says he would rather be able to fly. Lois says that they have something in common: Superman (Clark wants to fly like him, she wants to fly with him). It's some awful dialogue, but I have to mention it because they're bonding and I guess that's the point of the show.<br /><br />The next morning, Lois awakes on Clark's floor to find herself pregnant! Not really, but wouldn't that be a kick in the pants? And so much more interesting than the actual show. Anyway, she really just finds Superman standing before her, which I guess is exciting for Lois, at least. He says he ran into Clark at the courthouse, and that Clark told him they could use his help. He says that she doesn't need to bid for his attention, and that she will always be special to him. Alan wakes up on the couch, and the three set out to figure out a way to stop Barnes and the other inviso-crooks. Superman seems to have an idea of how to do it and he leaves without explaining it to them, and Lois talks Alan into letting her take one of the invisibility suits. Alan agrees, but only if he can go with her.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289754/" title="LCInvisoCrooks by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5006/5344289754_e6381fa077.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCInvisoCrooks" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Dear Invisible Gang, it would help you if<br />you stayed all the way invisible while wearing<br />your invisibility suits. Best wishes, Joe.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Lois and Alan come upon the gang robbing the gold repository, where the gang captures them rather easily. Barnes locks Lois and Alan in an air-tight safe and leaves them for dead along with a few other hostages. The invisible men make their escape, opening fire on a bunch of police, when Superman arrives with a bag of phosphorous, which he pours on the invisible crooks, making them visible again.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5344289772/" title="LCPhosphorous by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5090/5344289772_273b7bcc88.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCPhosphorous" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Superman demonstrates his newest power: Super-Pouring.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />As the air runs out in the vault, Superman bursts in and saves Lois, Alan, and the others. As Superman carries her out of the vault, Lois asks Superman how he stopped the crooks, and Superman explains that, in a flourescent light bulb, invisible light becomes visible when it passes through a coating of phosphorous. He stopped them with SCIENCE. Stay in school, kids! Lois swoons that it's the second time Superman has saved her life, and Superman doesn't really return her affection. He prepares to fly off when he is accosted by talent agent Murray Brown yet again. He finally agrees to allow his likeness to be licensed, and Lois is ready to berate him for being a TOTAL SELLOUT, MAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, but Superman adds that all the proceeds have to go to charity, so Lois backs off.<br /><br />The next day, Lois and Clark are with the newly reunited Alan and his wife, who it turns out is named Helene and not just 'invisible man's wife'. Lois & Clark are so happy to see them together again, and Helene whispers something in Lois's ear. The two giggle, and Helene says that Alan is back to his old self again. What did she whisper?! What could it have been?! Will this be like the end of <i>Lost in Translation</i>, and we're left to decide for ourselves what it was?! I can't take this! And no, it doesn't look like any explanation is coming. I will assume that it's something unbelievably dirty and sexual, since that's what <i>Sex & The City</i> has taught me that women talk about when they don't think that men can hear them. Alan says it's nice to be visible again, and Clark says that it's the man beneath the suit that always mattered. Hey, that's what his mom and dad told him! Awww, Clark learned a lesson in this episode. Isn't that special.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5343680157/" title="LCHeDidWhat by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5090/5343680157_95ec21f37b.jpg" width="500" height="378" alt="LCHeDidWhat" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>"He did </i>what<i> to your </i>what<i> in the </i>where<i>?"</i></SMALL></CENTER><br />Later at the Planet, Lois gloats over Clark that she was right all along about there being no such thing as an invisible man. She heads back to her desk, and Clark looks after her longingly. "Yes, there is, Lois. Yes, there is." OUCH.<br /><br />...<br /><br />Because Clark is invisible to her. Get it? It's pretty much the only somewhat subtle thing in this whole godforsaken episode, and it still can't help but hit you over the head like Buffy's purse with a brick in it. Try to keep up, please.<br /><br /><b>REVIEW:</b> Ugh. No, this was just not good. It's not even so much that it was bad, it was just...<i>boring</i>. I couldn't get excited about this episode at all, and I think that, once again, it's because of a lack of Lex Luthor (and yes, I know he was the main baddie in the last episode, but I didn't get to review that one, so maybe it's just my bad luck). As I've said before, Lex is Superman's number one villain, but we spent this whole episode on invisible men and oh my god I just fell asleep because it's so boring. Why couldn't Alan be an employee at LexCorp when he develops the invisibility suit, and after he creates it Lex takes it from him and gives it to one of his goons so that the goon can take on Superman? Look what I did there? I just made the story better.<br /><br />I can't go on anymore. It was just so dull. I really, really hope the next one is an improvement. And I just read the synopsis, and it looks like Superman boxes robots in the next episode. Because of fucking course he does.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-43647313559594539082011-01-09T07:00:00.002-05:002011-01-09T10:07:39.831-05:00The X-Files: PilotYou guys. YOU GUYS. I cannot tell you how excited I am to watch and recap this show. <i>Lois & Clark</i> may have been my first TV obsession, but it was really just my gateway drug to <i>The X-Files</i>. I'll be recapping this show on my own, and Joe will be recapping something else (he is undecided so far), alongside <i>Lois & Clark</i>.<br />
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<i>Netflix recap: Agent Dana Scully is instructed to debunk an FBI project dubbed "the X-files," cases linked to the paranormal that have been reopened by agent Fox Mulder. </i><br />
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<b>THE FOLLOWING STORY IS INSPIRED BY ACTUAL DOCUMENTED EVENTS.</b> (I am choosing to pretend that's not true, otherwise I might never go into the woods again.)<br />
<br />
A young woman is running through the woods, barefoot and wearing a nightgown. She tumbles down a hill. The wind picks up and there's a bright light shining from the top of a hill. A figure approaches her and I pee my pants. The light gets so bright that we can't see anything OMG WHY CAN'T WE SEE ANYTHING? The light dies down and it's now daylight. The girl is lying face down on the ground, all dead and stuff. Wah wah.<br />
<br />
<b>COLLUM NATIONAL FOREST,</b><br />
<b>NORTHWEST OREGON</b><br />
<br />
Some detectives examine the body. The woman has two marks on her lower back. One detective identifies the woman as Karen Swenson, and reveals that she goes to school with his son. He walks away and the other detective shouts after him, "It's happening again, isn't it?" Whatever "it" is, we probably won't find out what it is for a while. But it's probably pretty freaky. Because this is <i>The X-Files</i>. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5336404906/" title="xfmarks by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfmarks" height="268" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5085/5336404906_c996b129c1.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Someone needs some Clearasil, like, STAT.</span></i></div><br />
<b>FBI HEADQUARTERS,</b><br />
<b>WASHINGTON, D.C.</b><br />
<br />
Agent Dana Scully walks through the FBI lobby, looking terribly young. She's wearing an ill-fitting suit that makes me want to submit her name to <i>What Not to Wear</i>. Her hair is long and nowhere near as red as it should be (as you may know, it should be a little TOO red). She looks like Clarice Starling and I think that's on purpose. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790629/" title="xfterrible suit by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfterrible suit" height="398" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5081/5335790629_a1114570b2.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">90s fashion at its lowest.</span></i></div><br />
It turns out she's on her way to a meeting. She sits down across from two generic old white men (GOWM) but there is a slightly younger man standing in the shadow, smoking a cigarette. RUN, SCULLY. Anyway, for brevity's sake, I'm going to call him CSM from now on because we all know he's the Cigarette Smoking Man. Unless you've never watched this show before, then...oops, spoilers. <br />
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One of the GOWMs asks if she's heard of Fox Mulder. Fox. I'll say. She's heard of him and gives his bio (EXPOSITION), which is basically that he's totally smart, impresses people with his catching-bad-guys skills, but everyone thinks he's really weird. Scully tells the men that his nickname at the academy was "Spooky Mulder" and smiles a bit, but no one thinks she's funny because they're jerks. I will always laugh at your jokes, Scully, provided you ever make another one.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point of this meeting is that they're assigning her to The X-Files. But we knew this. Because otherwise there wouldn't be a show. CSM doesn't say anything, he just stands in the corner and smokes because that's what he does. <br />
<br />
Scully goes to find Mulder. His office is in the basement, which is probably supposed to be a punishment but I think it seems pretty nice because nobody bothers you when you're stuck in the basement. Just ask Milton. Scully knocks on his office door and is answered with, "Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted." We get our first glimpse of Mulder's "I Want to Believe" poster. Introductions! Oh, these two. I can't wait. Mulder is wearing glasses and generally looking dead sexy. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5336404968/" title="xfmulder glasses by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfmulder glasses" height="295" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5336404968_d019a89532.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Glasses McPouty Face.</span></i></div><br />
Mulder already knows who Scully is and acts all smarmy because, well, that's what HE does. He loads some slides because he claims he wants Scully's medical opinion, but really I think he just wants to make her uncomfortable. The first slide is of the dead girl we met earlier. Nice intro, Mulder. Very welcoming. <br />
<br />
He asks Scully to ID the marks found on Karen Swenson's body. There's some chemistry talk (booooooooring) about the marks and Mulder says they were also found on some other bodies across the US. <br />
<br />
Mulder and Scully stand across from each other and the height difference is hilarious. Mulder asks Scully if she believes in the existence of extraterrestrials in the most ridiculous way possible and she's all, "no, weirdo." Mulder's all, "SIGH, all crazy shit that I don't understand is obviously ALIENS, WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?" and Scully's like, "SCIENCE SCIENCY SCIENCE." <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5336404838/" title="xfheight difference by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfheight difference" height="385" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5161/5336404838_770327b8f4.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">This height difference is probably going to make all the making out rather difficult. </span></i></div><br />
THEY'RE ON A PLANE. Mulder is lying across a row of seats, which is totally douchey, and listening to headphones. Scully is being a good little FBI agent and doing some reading about the case. The plan goes all Lost-crash for a minute and Scully almost poops herself, naturally, but Mulder doesn't care that the plane almost crashed, probably because his life sucks. <br />
<br />
The pair drive along a country rode and Mulder eats some sunflower seeds. I didn't realize that particular quirk made it into the pilot episode. They discuss the case, and Scully impresses Mulder by noticing some small detail that I won't bore you with because it's boring and who cares. The radio goes all wonky and Mulder looks excited. He is easily amused. He stops the car and uses some spray paint that he just happens to have with him to spray a big, orange X on the road. And then doesn't explain shit to Scully. This...happens a lot. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790309/" title="xfbig x by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfbig x" height="310" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5209/5335790309_c37a259989.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Um, that's a $150 fine, Mulder. </span></i></div><br />
They go to a graveyard, where Mulder has ordered the exhumation of Ray Soames, who was killed in a similar way to Karen Swenson, I think, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. Dr. Nemman, whose name Scully found in the report, comes to yell at Mulder for being insensitive. He gets very defensive and yells some more until his daughter is all, "Let's go home, Dad, you are totes embarrassing me! BRBLOL." <br />
<br />
The exhumation process goes awry when the coffin goes falling down a hill. Yep, that would do it. Oops. Mulder opens the coffin and the body looks...weird. Mulder makes a joke because he's inappropriate. He orders to have the body sealed. <br />
<br />
<b>10:56 PM</b><br />
<br />
Scully is trying to do the autopsy on Ray Soames and Mulder circles around her, taking pictures of the body. He thinks it's an alien. Obviously. Scully gets testy with Mulder and says it's an orangutan, and he's all "WTF, why? Is Ray Soames really be a monkey? I don't think so, it's far more likely that this is an ALIEN." <br />
<br />
Scully stays up late that night, typing her report. They found a metallic implant in the body's nasal cavity and she looks at it for a while because her life is sad. Mulder knocks on her door and asks if Scully wants to go for a jog with him. At 4:30 in the morning. She declines. <br />
<br />
<b>RAYMON COUNTY</b><br />
<b>STATE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL</b><br />
<br />
Mulder and Scully interview a psychiatrist about Ray Soames. The doctor had been treating Ray for PTSD symptoms, which is weird for a high school student unless he was the victim of relentless wedgies. The doctor is also treating some of Ray's classmates and two of them, Billy Miles and Peggy O'Dell, are currently at the facility. They've been there for four years. Yikes. Scully asks to talk to them. <br />
<br />
It's going to be hard to talk to Billy because he's in a waking coma. Peggy sits at his bedside and reads to him. She's in a wheelchair and presumably cannot walk. This will be important later. They're there because they were in a car accident, the doctor says, NOT because they were anally probed. Mulder says like two words to Peggy and then she FREAKS THE FUCK OUT, which I think is how a lot of people react to Mulder. Her nose starts bleeding and she falls to the ground. Mulder lifts up her shirt, which could be misconstrued, I think, but they see she has the marks on her back. The marks! Ahh! Scully gets pissed and storms out. She yells at Mulder for not giving her all the details. She wants the truth. Mulder says he thinks the kids have been abducted. Scully, obviously, does not believe that. She insists that there must be a logical explanation BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE DOES. <br />
<br />
They go to the forest where the bodies were found. Mulder pulls out a compass and it goes crazy, the needle spinning all over. So...the compass isn't so much HELPFUL, really. Scully finds some sand or something and puts it in her pocket, which doesn't seem like it would be FBI procedure. "Here, I'll just put this important evidence in my pocket, it'll be fine." She hears a noise and pulls out her gun. There's a bright light, similar to the one Karen Swenson saw, you know, right before she was found dead. Someone comes walking toward her. OH NOES. But wait, this guy has a gun and he's from the county sheriff's department. Mulder runs up from...somewhere. There is some yelling and the sheriff orders them to leave. Everyone puts their guns away and Mulder and Scully go bye bye. <br />
<br />
They drive away. It's raining. Scully pulls the sand out of her pocket and asks if Mulder knows what it is. She wonders if the kids are involved in a cult. What? Mulder checks his watch, it's 9:03, and the compass is still going crazy. There's a bright light and their car dies. Say WHAT. Mulder checks his watch and it says 9:12. They lost 9 minutes! They get out of the car, Mulder whoohoos like a dork, and they see they're next to the orange X Mulder put on the road earlier. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5336404870/" title="xflost 9 minutes by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xflost 9 minutes" height="360" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5164/5336404870_e807d0571a.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I think your rain dance worked, Mulder. </span></i></div><br />
They're arguing about the missing time and the car starts again. By itself. They go back to their hotel rooms and as Scully works on her report, the power goes out. So she prepares to take a candlelit bath (awwww YEAH) and takes off her robe, revealing some very unimaginative underwear. She finds something on her back and FREAKS OUT.<br />
<br />
She goes to Mulder's hotel room, says "I need you to look at something for me," and drops her robe. Mulder's all, "am I dreaming right now?" She points to her back while he stares at her, all practically naked in front of him, and she asks what they are. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790601/" title="xfscully robe by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfscully robe" height="331" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5242/5335790601_fc32b9f419.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Think about baseball, think about baseball. </i></span></div><br />
Mosquito bites, he answers, after inspecting. He's totally a Female Body Inspector right now. Get it? FBI. Female Body Inspector. I'm sorry. Anyway, she puts her robe back on and throws herself at Mulder (like, literally) in relief. He hugs her and she sits down because she is ascared. <br />
<br />
Cut to...Scully lying in Mulder's bed. Bow chicka bow wow! This is not appropriate FBI partner behavior. Mulder is telling her the story of his sister's disappearance and how he got involved in The X-Files. While they're bonding, someone sneaks around the hotel. <br />
<br />
Apparently, someone higher up is blocking Mulder's attempts to get at classified information. Scully's all "who" and he says she must know because she's part of that agenda and she's all, "shut up, dude, I'm just trying to solve this case." He's not getting any tonight. Apparently she was convincing enough, because Mulder discloses that he thinks his sister was abducted by aliens. Too soon, Mulder. Too soon. <br />
<br />
The phone rings. It's someone calling to tell them that Peggy O'Dell is dead, but the caller hangs up without identifying himself. OR HERSELF. <br />
<br />
<b>RURAL HWY. 133</b><br />
<b>BELLEFLEUR, OREGON</b><br />
<br />
So this is weird. Peggy is dead, right? Well, it turns out she was running and got hit by a car. Peggy. Who was previously in a wheelchair. Scully examines Peggy's body and sees that her watch stopped at 9:03. Mulder comes over to Scully and says they have to leave, all huffy because someone trashed the autopsy lab and stole the Ray Soames/orangutan body. <br />
<br />
They go back to the hotel...which is on fire. That can't be good. Scully's all "there goes my computer," which would be the least of my concerns but whatever. The x-rays and the pictures and basically all evidence of the weirdo alien/orangutan body were in the hotel, as well, and presumably destroyed. Mulder sad.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5336405010/" title="xfmulder sad by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfmulder sad" height="320" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5082/5336405010_369ef3f821.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">ACTING!</span></i></div><br />
A woman walks up to sad Mulder and computerless Scully and says they have to protect her. She's Theresa Nemman, daughter of the investigator who yelled at Mulder and Scully at the beginning of the episode. They take her to a coffee shop and she tells them how she often ends up in the woods and has no idea how she got there. They don't ask her how much she drinks, though, which seems like an important question. Just sayin'. This problem has been happening since she graduated and she's scared she might die. Valid. In case you're interested, she's the one who called Mulder about Peggy's death. <br />
<br />
Scully asks Theresa if her father knows about what happens. I guess he does, but he told her never to tell anyone about any of it. Probably because people will assume she's getting blackout drunk all the time and waking up in the woods. Also! She has the marks! Then her nose starts bleeding. On this show, that is never good. <br />
<br />
Theresa's father comes in and takes her home. He's with the man who ordered Mulder and Scully out of the woods who turns out to be Billy Miles's father. <br />
<br />
Scully is PISSED. She says Dr. Nemman and Detective Miles know exactly what's happening and they're the lying-liars-who-lie-evidence-destroyers. But Mulder, for once, is being somewhat skeptical. Then he suggests they go dig up some graves and Scully is totally down with that. <br />
<br />
When they get there, though, someone's already emptied the graves. Mulder says, "I think I know who did it." And that person is...Billy Miles. What? He's in a coma. Scully calls Billy Miles a vegetable which I don't think is very PC. <br />
<br />
It's 5:07, btw, and they're standing out in the dark. In a graveyard. In the rain. Mulder says everything fits the profile of an alien abduction. Scully starts laughing hysterically (which is weird because Scully doesn't do that), Mulder says, "you think I'm crazy." Well. Yes. But that doesn't mean you're not right.<br />
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Scully tells Mulder that Peggy's watch stopped a little after 9. Scully is at her least skeptical in this episode and Mulder is pretty easily convincing her that he's right about the whole alien abduction thing. She starts laughing hysterically again and you can tell they totally want to make out. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790573/" title="xfscully laughing by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xfscully laughing" height="338" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5167/5335790573_4442ee1a0b.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>HAHAHA GRAVEROBBING IS HILARIOUS.</i></span></div><br />
They go see Billy Miles and some nurse blah blah blahs about how he'll never get out of that bed as Scully examines Billy's body. She looks at his feet and they are dirty and gross. Like, either the hospital is not bathing him or he was running around the woods. <br />
<br />
Scully's sure that Billy killed everyone but Mulder, MULDER YOU GUYS, talks her down and says they need more evidence. WTF is happening? Did they swap bodies? Cause I don't remember that ever happening. <br />
<br />
They go to the woods and see Detective Miles's car. They hear a woman scream and go tearing off into the woods. They're running with flashlights, which is totally what they do ALL THE TIME in future episodes, so this is good practice for them. Someone hits Scully in the head. It was Detective Miles. Dick. Mulder runs and runs until Detective Miles catches up and points his gun at him. Mulder says he knows it was Billy. <br />
<br />
Mulder guilts Detective Miles into stopping his son from, you know, murdering Theresa. The dude almost shoots Billy! WTF, you're his dad! Anyway, Mulder stops Detective Miles before he can shoot his kid, Billy picks up Theresa (that's who the screaming girl was, obviously), and a bright light shines on them. Uh-oh. All goes to white and when everyone can see again, Billy says, "Dad?" and his marks are gone. Which is probably good. Usually vegetables can't talk. Of course, they usually can't walk around murdering people either, but whatever. Mulder realizes he hasn't seen Scully in a while and runs off to make sure she's not dead. She missed the big show, although she did see the light. Mulder says it was "incredible." Scully always misses the good stuff. I guess so she can remain all skeptical and junk. No fair.<br />
<br />
<b>MARCH 22, 1992</b><br />
<b>FBI HEADQUARTERS,</b><br />
<b>WASHINGTON, D.C.</b><br />
<br />
Billy is being questioned under deep hypnosis. He says he first saw the light in the woods when he was at a party with his friends, and the light took him away to the testing place. But not like SAT testing, I don't think. His job was to gather the others for testing. They (the aliens, or whatever) put something in his head and he'd wait for their orders. The tests didn't work so they wanted everything destroyed, which was why he was straight up murdering everyone, only I'm not sure if he actually killed anyone or if the light people killed everyone. <br />
<br />
CSM, Scully, and two old white dudes are watching this from the next room, but then they all leave because it's time for Scully to get yelled at. <br />
<br />
Scully gets in trouble for her report, because there are so many holes in it. They ask about the time loss and she's all, "I actually don't know whether that happened," which I guess is not a good enough answer. Where the hell is Skinner? They debunk her work and say she has no physical evidence. So she pulls out the implant they found in the corpse. BOOYA. IN YO FACE. It wasn't destroyed in the fire because she kept it in her pocket. Lucky. Maybe it IS FBI procedure to keep evidence in your pocket. She said she ran a lab test on it and it could not be identified. <br />
<br />
They want to know what Agent Mulder thinks. She says he believes they are not alone and they tell her to GTFO of their faces. She walks down the hall and passes CSM in the hallway. He goes into the office she just came out of and SHE NOTICES. OH YES SHE DOES.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790249/" title="xf1121 by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xf1121" height="265" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5009/5335790249_00845c84f2.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Spooky.</span></i></div><br />
Later, Scully lies awake in bed and the clock shows that it's 11:21 (<a href="http://home.comcast.net/%7Einjoke/xf1013.html">it's always 10:13 or 11:21 on this show</a>). Her phone rings. It's Mulder. The paperwork they filed on Billy Miles has disappeared. Sad face.<br />
<br />
CSM is walking down a long hallway lined with files. He puts the implant Scully found in a compartment with a bunch of other implants. It's kind of like <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsJU2kEErt0f2lUjPsgqs0xhrwcR-ETu86jVOZV2PYaOXn5uTTP4dXpfUgXmJI-4CC__jUjyfkkrvoPZnI2EHQ-YAkWqXHsLxY6enFqYCsRSiRcxd_TOwBvgn63qYMsoYvTWZOhq0RVXy6/s400/Raiders_Of_The_Lost_Ark_end.jpg">the end of <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i></a>, which I think is on purpose. Ooh, the room is at the Pentagon! I don't know about you guys, but I think this might be a CONSPIRACY.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5335790215/" title="xffiles by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="xffiles" height="294" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5285/5335790215_19a98e6d7d.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>This is also where Toby Flenderson hides all of Dwight's complaints about Jim. </i></span></div>Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-83821115290600871192011-01-07T13:45:00.000-05:002011-01-07T13:45:24.783-05:00Lois & Clark, Episode 3: Neverending BattleNote: I think there was some confusion as to how we're doing these reviews. Joe and I reviewed the pilot together and are alternating episodes from now on. We'll also start reviewing some other shows on our own soon. WHOO!<br />
<br />
<i>Netflix Synopsis: The staff of The Daily Planet is assigned to uncover more about Superman. Lex Luthor threatens to cause an endless succession of disasters in Metropolis to prove that Superman can't save everyone simultaneously. </i><br />
<br />
Oh, that Lex Luthor, he's incorrigible.<br />
<br />
The episode opens, as it so often does, on The Daily Planet office. Perry comes in all, "where are my pictures of Superman?" and Jimmy's like, "wah wah, we don't have them," and Perry says, for realsies, "GREAT SHADES OF ELVIS." What does that even mean? I think he's trying to be intimidating, but he's no J. Jonah Jameson. He calls for a meeting at 6 AM (what?) with blow ups, and I don't know what those are, so I'm going to assume they're blow up dolls. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Lois and Clark (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forget-Me-Now">hey, that's the name of the show!</a>) are working with an artist who is trying to sketch a picture of Superman. Clark! Take off your glasses! That might help. They discuss whether or not Superman ever wants to "get down" if you know what I'm saying and I think you do. Cat, of course, says she wants to take him for a test drive, which is gross, and Lois tries to pretend she wasn't thinking the same thing. Also, she's mean to Clark a whole bunch. I feel like I shouldn't have to say that anymore. From now on, if Lois and Clark are in the same scene, let's assume that Lois is being mean to him.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333048291/" title="superman sketch by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="superman sketch" height="296" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5242/5333048291_782aeb81e4.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>Superman is Hulking out.</i></small></div><br />
Lex Luthor is on his balcony looking at pigeons with what looks like a viewfinder. A bird dive bombs into the cement and dies. Suicide bird! Did Lex kill that bird with his mind powers? I know this episode aired like a billion years ago but still...<a href="http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jUMR9hgvvvjAem8_8-v5V9Ow-nug?docId=eb2eb78242fe4290a414e0644cda18a6">topical</a>.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333663762/" title="viewfinder by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="viewfinder" height="294" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5206/5333663762_df77597a79.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>How do you change the picture?</i></small></div><br />
Lex reads some newspapers and they're all about Superman. He's totally jealous. He is the Gretchen Wieners to Superman's Regina George. Also, it turns out he didn't make any birds commit suicide, but his hawk did eat all the pigeons Lex had been looking at. I'm sorry that I misled you all.<br />
<br />
Back to The Daily Planet! It's the 6 AM meeting but there are no blow up dolls anywhere. What a tease. Perry is yelling at everyone for not getting the Superman story yet. Why doesn't Clark just put on his outfit and go find someone at The Daily Planet who can take some pretty pictures of him or something? Sort of like how Peter Parker used to take pictures of himself being Spidey. Peter Parker is way smarter than Clark Kent, yes?<br />
<br />
Lois yells at everyone that SUPERMAN IS HERS. Because he saved her that one time. Clark and Cat make fun of her. I approve of this. Then Cat hits on Clark and puts a magnifying glass up to her cleavage. Subtle.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333048337/" title="magglass by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="magglass" height="455" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5202/5333048337_45fb15b583.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>LOVE ME.</i></small></div><br />
Clark gets a phone call from, we're assuming, someone tipping him off to Superman's whereabouts. Lois overhears and follows him. Naturally. It turns out he's just checking out an apartment that he's thinking about renting.The apartment is gross. The water runs black, there are cobwebs everywhere, and the floor is littered with garbage. Clark, your prison cell is better than this place. Lois burts in demanding to see Superman, and of course he's not there (well...he is...because Clark is there...but you know what I mean) and Clark is all, "Ur dum. You cannot has Superman." Clark thinks in LOLcat sometimes. Not a lot of people know that. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Lex is holding some sort of focus group or something on Superman. They're all in a dark room. It looks sort of like the war room in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057012/">that movie Joe's always trying to get me to watch</a>. Lex wants to know how powerful Superman is. More powerful than an avalanche? A locomotive? Can he leap tall buildings in a single bound? (Probably, probably, and why would he do that when he can fly?)<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333663882/" title="warroom by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="warroom" height="258" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5201/5333663882_a2a0315d8b.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room.</i></small></div><br />
Some lady is all, "he's still a man," because she wants to ride Superman's locomotive. All women do, amirite, ladies? Actually, she's just pointing out that Superman, because he is a man, is weak. Lex explains that he's going to test Superman. The lady is all, "can't we just shoot him?" and Lex is like, "no, and I'll explain why we can't just shoot him by using a lot of words so Jennie gets really bored." <br />
<br />
Over at the newsroom, Lois overhears something on her police scanner. There's trouble! Right here in River City! Lois assumes that Superman will show up, which is actually pretty smart, because he likes to save people and stuff. This dude is threatening to jump off of a building and I guess that's bad, although it really doesn't seem like anyone's business except the dude threatening to jump but WHATEVER. Hey! That dude is one of Lex's dudes! He was also in <i>Juwanna Man</i>. You're welcome. <br />
<br />
Superman music! He flies down and tells the jumper all the normal stuff...you don't want to do this, you have so much to live for, blah blah blah. The jumper was never going to actually jump ANYWAY so he's all, "sweet, let's go get some cappuccino." <br />
<br />
Lex is watching from, like, a dark cave or something and he tells one of his minions to push the annoying lady from earlier off of another building. She screams, like I assume one does when one is thrown off of a building. Superman saves her. Obviously. Yawn. Lex says that Superman saved her, "faster than a speeding bullet." Oh no they didn't. <br />
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Clark, of course, pretends that he saw the whole thing once Lois finally shows up. He says he's going to call the story in, but Lois convinces him to just start writing it instead. Without telling anyone. Oh, she's up to something. That wily minx. <br />
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The next day, Lucy Lane brings Lois some lunch at The Daily Planet. Lois yells at Lucy for being out all night (With Jimmy, perhaps? Ooh la la!) and Lucy shames Lois for stealing Clark's story. SISTERS. So Lois stole Clark's story. Of course. But she feels really bad about it. She uses her Lois!Logic and somehow blames it on Superman. And then she refuses to apologize to Clark. <br />
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Clark comes over to yell at her and she insists that one day he'll thank her for being a total see you next Tuesday. He storms off and some random dude walks up to Lois, asking for Eduardo Somethingsomething. He pretends to be all annoyed and mentions that he's going to another newspaper with his story about Superman. <br />
<br />
Lois follows him, of course. She bullies him into a conference room and Clark bitches to Jimmy about Lois. He asks if Lois is always so aggressive when going after a story, and Jimmy says, "yeah, pretty much," but then admits that she's being even worse about the Superman story. Probably because Superman is all dreamy but that's just a guess. Clark says someone ought to teach her a lesson. Jimmy says that Godzilla could teach Lois a lesson (huh?), which I suppose is true if the lesson they want to teach her is...don't get stepped on? I don't know. Jimmy's kind of a tool. <br />
<br />
Perry has Jimmy fixing his foot massager and it makes Jimmy sad. He's a journalist! Not Mr. Fixit! Clark advises him to stand up for himself but, let's face it, Jimmy is the Zeppo and will never stand up for himself. Perry sends Clark and some random guys out to cover a story about a bomb. Jimmy tries to go but Perry yells at him and GUESS WHAT Jimmy just slinks away like a kicked puppy. <br />
<br />
Lois is interviewing the random dude from earlier, whose name is Mr. Cleveland. He says that Superman is an alien, from the planet Tropax. He says he's been on the ship. So...Mr. Cleveland nuts, basically. He tells Lois that he's up for reelection and that his first name is Grover. Uuuuuugh. Sometimes I want to punch this show in the face. <br />
<br />
While Lois is preoccupied with Faux-ver Cleveland, Superman shows up at the bomb site. Lex blows up the building after Superman runs inside. Superman comes out of the building, looking fine (awww yeah), and Lex calls him a "man of steel." I wish they'd stop doing that. <br />
<br />
They find Lex's cameras inside the building and deduce that someone lured Superman there in order to set off the bomb. Lois gets all sad for poor Superman, probably because of their "connection." "Who would want to kill Superman?" she asks. Clark doesn't say anything, I guess because he's wondering the same thing. He's probably a bit more invested, though, since he's the dead one in the "LET'S KILL SUPERMAN!" scenario. <br />
<br />
Later, Clark is on the phone with his mom, asking her how to get the bomb stains out of his costume. Sure. His dad is totally worried about Clark, thinking that someone is trying to kill his son, and it's adorable. Clark tells them he's fine and gets to renovating his craphole apartment. He turns on some crappy 90s music and uses his powers to make his apartment less craphole. There are some hijinks involving his landlord sort of witnessing this mysterious renovation, but it's too stupid to spend time on. So. Moving on. <br />
<br />
Clark's back in the newsroom, doing whatever it is journalists do when they're not being almost blown up or sneaking onto space stations or stealing stories. It looks boring. Lois tries to worm herself into working with Clark. And it works. Because she's pretty, I guess. It's sure not because of her charm. They discuss the two would-be jumpers that Superman saved and, well, there's weird stuff going on. Obviously. <br />
<br />
Jimmy comes over and says he has an idea for how to track Superman but Perry yells at him about...soda...before he can tell them. Jimmy storms into his office, looking like he's going to yell and finally stand up for himself, but instead tells Perry that he's a huge Elvis fan. That leads to an Elvis speech from Perry and I'd tell you what he said but I fell asleep. <br />
<br />
Lois and Clark discover that both jumpers worked for LexCorp. DUN DUN DUUUUUN. <br />
<br />
Lex is busy picking out some new suits. He orders a dozen. He likes to suit up, just like Barney. <br />
<br />
Superman shows up to yell at Lex for putting people in danger. "You want to know how strong I am?" he asks, and bends a sword in half, which is really no big deal. Any bending robot can do the same thing. <br />
<br />
"You want to know how fast I am?" he asks, picks up a gun, shoots at a wide-eyed Luthor, and then catches the bullet before it can hit him. That's a dangerous game. Can you imagine if he'd juuuust missed that bullet? SuperOopsies. <br />
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Lex calmly asks if that concludes his demonstration, because Lex is a badass. Superman tells him the tests are over but Lex is all, "I'm not saying it was me, but it was totally me and I'm not going to stop, ever, because my daddy didn't love me." He has daddy issues, right? Lex tells Superman that as long as he stays in Metropolis, innocent people will die. <br />
<br />
This sends Clark into a tailspin of guilt, even though it's totally not his fault, and he doesn't know what to do. His parents are nice to him and offer to help, but he's still all emo when he leaves their house. He flies around the city for a bit and then goes back to his not-so-craphole apartment. He gets out a suitcase and folds his Superman outfit into it. No! What will give you purpose now, Clark? <br />
<br />
The next day, Lois is sketching Superman's S symbol onto a piece of paper and wonders where Superman has been because no one has seen him for three days. Cat says Clark looks depressed and tries to cheer him up with her boobs but Clark is NOT. IN. THE. MOOD. Lois asks Jimmy how they should find Superman but his idea is totally stupid. Just like Jimmy. Anyway, his idea is that Superman is an alien, right? So he must have a spaceship. If they find his spaceship, they find Superman. Oh, Jimmy. Go away.<br />
<br />
Lois and Clark look sad some more. Lois walks away with her sad pad of paper and sits at her desk. She makes a phone call to get some satellite images, I guess to find Superman's alien spaceship. Clark is all, "We're listening to Jimmy now? OH, FML." He sits at his desk and devises the stupidest plan imaginable. He draws a map, superfast, and it looks like a 10 year old drew it. Just...here.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333663816/" title="clarks sketch by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="clarks sketch" height="338" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5164/5333663816_2d2fe21fc8.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>And you know my name is Simon...and I like to do drawrings.</i></small></div><br />
He calls someone to get a messenger to pick up his map and take it to Lois's apartment later. This...this is just so stupid. I mean, Lois is a reporter, right? So I'm thinking she could easily track this map back to Clark, given that he just called for a messenger to pick this map up FROM HIS DESK. <br />
<br />
Lex is staring off of his balcony, rejoicing in the fact that Superman hasn't shown up in so long. His manservant is all, "shall I bring your guest in?" and Lex is all, "sure, fine, whatever," and there's a cheerleading outfit sitting on a chair nearby. WHAT. This is never explained so I think we can safely assume that Lex has a cheerleader fetish.<br />
<br />
Lois is watching a riot or something on TV. Superman isn't around to save anyone so SHIT IS GOING CRAZY. Lois wishes that Superman would come back and Clark thinks it just so she can get a great story. But Lois HAS LAYERS and insists that she doesn't even care about that story, it's that Metropolis needs Superman. She gives Clark an inspirational speech and it's a good thing Clark is Superman, because I bet it helped. She leaves and Clark goes home to get his pretty costume out and he flies around the city, looking for trouble or kittens in trees. <br />
<br />
There are some men outside The Daily Planet, hanging up a new sign. This isn't going to end well, right? A little old lady and two adorable blond girls are holding hands and laughing and OH NO the sign is going to fall on them! One of the girls drops her teddy bear as they run to safety, and of course she goes back to get it. You know what? Maybe this is controversial but if that little girl is stupid enough to run after her bear and get crushed by a sign...maybe we should just let it crush her. Survival of the fittest, you know? This is also why I think school zones are stupid, too. Let's thin the herd, the world is overpopulated. <br />
<br />
Superman saves the little girl, of course, and it's pretty cute. Lex decides to stop his testing because...I don't now, he's probably bored. I know I am. Anyway, he decides that Superman is the opponent he's been waiting for. Also, I think he has a crush on Superman. He says that Superman is tough, but not unbeatable, because he has morals and Lex doesn't. Lex Luthor is no one's bitch. <br />
<br />
Lex sends his hawk, Faust, out to hunt. "Let's go kill some pigeons," he says and Faust is all, "CAW!" or whatever hawks say. Why does Lex hate pigeons so much? <br />
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Everyone is happy happy joy joy back in the newsroom. Especially when Lois comes in, covered in mud and carrying her broken heel. Oh. Right. Clark's map to Superman's spaceship. Lois got it and followed it. All she found was a Godzilla doll dressed as Superman. Remember how Jimmy said Godzilla was the only one who could teach Lois a lesson? Har har, show. <br />
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So. Lois is pretty pissed. She's even more pissed to see that Clark got the Superman story. Clark is smug and Lois is mad and everyone else is happy. I guess they used up their party planning money in the pilot, though, because there are no balloons around. Maybe only Lois Lane's stories get a party. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenlala/5333030855/" title="lois pissed by Jenlala, on Flickr"><img alt="lois pissed" height="444" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5209/5333030855_7344bd7e28.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><small><i>Lesson learned: don't follow maps drawn by 10-year-olds.</i></small></div><br />
Clark's "lesson" to Lois inspires Jimmy to finally stand up for himself. Perry's all, "good for you, kid," and he's not mad at all so Jimmy probably should have done that a long time ago. <br />
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A calmer Lois approaches Clark later and congratulations him for winning. Then she's mean to him again. And refuses to work with him as a team. She's all, "we'll never be a we," and he's like, "we'll see," and she says, "how long can you hold your breath?" and walks away. He grins and says, "a very long time," and it's totally cheesy but I'm sure I loved it when I was 12 and wanted Lois and Clark to get married and have all the babies.<br />
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<b>REVIEW:</b> This episode wasn't all that terrible, really, probably because Lex Luthor was in it and he makes everything more entertaining. I like his hair, it's very curly. Really, since he's the number one bad guy and Superman's arch nemesis, it would make sense for him to be in every episode, so hopefully he'll be around a lot more as the season progresses. I still don't know what he has against pigeons, though.Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-90377212863575550472011-01-04T19:26:00.010-05:002011-01-04T23:50:48.130-05:00Lois & Clark, Episode 2: Strange Visitor (From Another Planet)<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Netflix Synopsis:</span> Lois and Clark become the targets of a military UFO investigator who is determined to destroy Superman.</span><br /><br />That's right, ladies and gentlemen. In this episode, Lois and Clark meet Mulder and Scully. Though I don't think Mulder was ever really out to destroy aliens. Maybe it's Doggett, not Mulder. Either way, this will hopefully be entertaining.<br /><br />As the episode opens, Clark is in the office writing a story about adopted kids, and Lois mocks him, saying that it's all been done before. She doesn't say that she thinks orphans are stupid or anything, but you can tell she just thinks they're boring. Clark explains that his angle is that it must be hard for adopted kids to not know who their parents were or where they came from. It's obvious to anyone with eyes that Clark is talking about himself, but Lois completely misses it.<br /><br />Suddenly, federal agents burst into the Daily Planet with a warrant to seize whatever they want, and to arrest Lois and Clark. The lead agent is looking for Superman. But Clark is Superman! How will he get out of this one?<br /><br />That was the cold open, and now we have our first appearance of the actual credits to the series. They would be all well and good if they didn't include the absolutely awful green screen scene from the pilot of Clark saving Lois and Jimmy from the exploding warehouse. Honestly, that scene just looks terrible. There was a similar scene in the opening credits to <span style="font-style: italic;">Smallville</span> for years that always annoyed the hell out of me. The effect is anything but seamless, they might as well have shown you the wires everyone is wearing. Ugh. Four seasons of seeing that scene in the credits might just drive me insane.<br /><br /><CENTER><a><href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5325611651/" title="LCCredits by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5206/5325611651_61f1aff931.jpg" width="479" height="357" alt="LCCredits" /></a><br /><SMALL><i>Yep. That's the one.</i></SMALL></CENTER><br /><br />Back to live action, and Clark and Lois are debating letting the feds force them to take polygraph tests. Clark is worried about the polygraph because DUH he's Superman, and one of his super-powers is clearly not 'controlling my heart rate so that I can beat a lie detector'. Fun fact: the polygraph was co-created by William Moulton Marston, who also created Wonder Woman. Who carries a lasso of truth. WHOA. I just blew your mind. You're welcome.<br /><br />Eventually they agree to submit to the test, and Lois goes first. In the course of the questioning, the feds discover that Lois is in love with Superman. That one time that they flew around the city together in the last episode was all it took, apparently. Next it's Clark's turn. While calibrating the machine, the lead federal investigator (who still does not have a name at this point, that's how completely generic a character he is) asks Clark if he is Superman. <s>Superman</s> Clark answers yes, and the needle doesn't move because he's telling the truth. The feds are baffled, so they ask the question again. Clark answers yes, and this time he uses his super-breath to make the needle move to indicate that he is lying. What follows is easily the most awkward interview between two people since Crispin Glover appeared on Letterman. Clark is so nervous about not lying that, at one point, he (and the chair he is sitting in) floats into the air. Luckily they crash to the floor before the feds notice, making these guys the worst investigators ever. Eventually they're called away, but not before the lead investigator tells Clark that he knows he's lying because he can see it in Clark's eyes. I'm sure the fidgeting, the sweating, and the accidental flight had nothing to do with it, either.<br /><br />Perry advises Lois and Clark to avoid being subpoenaed to federal court, and the ever-ignorable Cat Grant, dressed smartly in a hideous floral-print pant...thing (is it a leotard? It's all one piece, I have no idea what it is) takes this as her opportunity to hit on Clark.<br /><br /><CENTER><a><href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5325559925/" title="LC2CatGrant by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5162/5325559925_f02ce3477b.jpg" width="487" height="363" alt="LC2CatGrant" /></a><br /><SMALL><span style="font-style:italic;">Seriously, what is this?</span></SMALL></CENTER><br /><br />Clark must be the dumbest person ever because he agrees to go back to Cat's place with her. When they arrive, Cat changes into a sweatshirt and jeans and actually looks like a normal person for once in her life. She pours them both glasses of wine, then sets forth in seducing Clark with all the subtlety of a steamroller when his pager goes off. Perry is calling he and Lois back to the office. When he gets there, Lois gives Clark crap for having been at Cat's place (she's feisty, that Lois), and Perry reveals that the warrant that the feds brought them was a fake. Lois and Clark are tasked with finding out who these people are.<br /><br />The next day, Lois and Clark are working in the office when Cat arrives, dressed again like a dime-store prostitute. She acts all innuendo-y with Clark, and after she walks away, Jimmy tells Clark that the news of he and Cat's tryst is all over the newsroom. <br /><br />After catching a break on the story, Lois and Clark head out to interview George Thompson, who apparently works for the government. Before they arrive Thompson is on the phone yelling at a man called Trask. He tells Trask that he will take care of the problem with these two reporters. He tells Lois and Clark that he is investigating who the fake feds are, and Clark uses his x-ray vision on Thompson's briefcase and sees a file folder marked Smallville, Kansas, 1966 (presumably the year that Clark's ship landed). Lois and Clark then storm out of his office because Lois doesn't like the way he's talking to them. She's asking the questions around here, mister!<br /><br />Outside, Lois and Clark split up. Clarks changes into Superman and flies off, while Lois decides that it's a good idea to follow Thompson, who she spies outside of the building. She follows him to a warehouse, where he loses her trail. Inside, Thompson meets with the head federal investigator from the Planet, who is also the man he was talking to on the phone. Trask insists that Superman is the 'advance guard' for invading aliens, and the two men talk about something called Bureau 39 and how Trask is jeopardizing the operation. Thompson orders Trask to stop what he's doing, and Trask backhands Thompson insolently. He's going rogue, like Sarah Palin. Oh golly!<br /><br />Meanwhile, back in Smallville, Clark has dinner with his parents, and they tell him about when they found him after his ship crashed. Clark doesn't seem to know if he's an alien or some sort of Russian experiment. Pa Kent reveals that he never destroyed the ship Clark arrived in, and he leads Ma and Clark out to where he buried the ship. Clark digs up the site at superspeed to discover that the ship is missing. Dun dun DUN.<br /><br />After the commercial break and back at the Planet, Clark and Lois are looking at microfilm. In an old newspaper photo, Lois recognizes the person who stormed the Planet as Jason Trask, and they decide to follow up on this. At Clark's desk, Clark confronts Cat about the rumors that are going around, and is then called into Perry's office, presumably because Perry saw Clark talking to Cat. It is here that we are introduced to Perry's obsession with Elvis. He tells some story about some woman that Elvis was supposed to marry but he didn't because some colonel in the army told him not to. In this metaphor, Clark is Elvis and Perry is the colonel. It's really awful. Thankfully Lois interrupts with news that Thompson is dead. Yay!<br /><br />Later, Lois and Clark are interviewing one of the men who was in the photo with Trask. The old man tells them about the advanced security measures that will surely be surrounding Trask and Bureau 39. He then gives them a key card to the building, pulls out a gun, and tells them to leave by the count of three. Presumably after he got to three and Lois and Clark were gone he shot himself with the gun. Not that they would ever have shown that on this show, but Jennie insists that, if this was the X-Files, that's definitely what would have happened.<br /><br />Having gone back to the warehouse, Clark and Lois break in to Bureau 39. They wander around looking at photos and artifacts. Lois is skeptical that any of this is really from outer space (Scully), while Clark is more willing to accept the possibility (Mulder). After a few moments of wandering, Clark uncovers a ship that he identifies as the ship he came to Earth in, based on the giant Superman S-symbol that is engraved on the front of the ship. He pulls out some sort of an orb that begins to glow in the presence of the ship. This orb hasn't been seen before at all on the show, but presumably it came with Clark in the ship? No explanation for this whatsoever. Clark recognizes the orb as being a model of Krypton just in time for he and Lois to be discovered by Trask. Lois acts all smug about Superman coming to save them, and Trask tells them that he's counting on it. Remember that scene in <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Forever</span> when Nicole Kidman tells Jim Carrey that Batman is going to save her, and Jim Carrey says that he's counting on it? It's just exactly like that, except Trask isn't wearing question-mark-covered spandex, and Teri Hatcher is nowhere near as hot as Nicole Kidman.<br /><br /><CENTER><a><img src="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2010/03/the-riddler-batman-forever-1261935_544_304.jpg"/></a><br /><SMALL><span style="font-style:italic;">Yes, Jim Carrey, that was over the top, and you can always tell.</span></SMALL></CENTER><br /><br />Next we have an interlude between Jimmy Olsen and Lucy Lane, Lois's sister. A few times before in the episode Jimmy mentioned that he was thinking of asking Lucy out (I didn't mention this earlier because it clearly was not important to the overall plot of the episode at all). Jimmy tells Lucy that Lois hasn't checked in with the Planet, and Lucy shrugs it off. He then takes this opportunity to ask Lucy out on a date, and Lucy accepts, even though she's just met Jimmy and he basically wormed his way into the apartment so he could see her. I have to say, I take issue with the way the women on this show act. More on this later.<br /><br />Aboard some sort of fighter jet, Lois and Clark are preparing for their imminent deaths. Lois says something about how she's afraid she'll never meet her true love, and it's a heartwarming moment except that it's not because why is she worrying about this right now? Lois Lane is a smart, headstrong woman. Shouldn't she be trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation? Luckily for her, Trask has a good idea. He's going to throw Clark and Lois out of the plane and hope that Superman arrives to rescue one or both of them. And if he doesn't, oh well, no big loss.<br /><br />Lois is first, because Trask is a gentleman and ladies should always be thrown out of planes first. She makes one last request, though - she wants to kiss Clark goodbye. WHAT. PSYCH, it was totally a trick so that she and Clark could turn on their captors. A skirmish ensues, Trask throws Lois out of the plane, and Clark dives after her. He takes this opportunity to change into Superman and saves Lois. As he catches her, he STARES STRAIGHT AT THE CAMERA and uses his super-break-the-fourth-wall powers to freak me the fuck out. Seriously. The amount of time that he spends staring at the camera is totally creepy.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5325559987/" title="LC2Superman4thWall by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5164/5325559987_543ddebce1.jpg" width="478" height="360" alt="LC2Superman4thWall" /></a><br /><SMALL><span style="font-style:italic;">"Hi, my name is Superman, and I'm peering into your soul right now."</span></SMALL></CENTER><br /><br />Meanwhile, on the fighter jet, Trask orders the firing of a missile - directly at Superman! Superman quickly puts Lois down (conveniently back at the Daily Planet), and manages to catch the missile. As he does so the missile explodes and Superman is caught in the blast. Trask and his cronies sneer with delight at having killed that Commie alien scum, and they make their escape onboard the fighter jet. Lois staggers into the Planet, where she reunites with Clark, who is apparently unscathed. Later, Lois and Clark lead Perry, Jimmy, and a bunch of federal <s>stormtroopers</s> agents to the warehouse where Bureau 39 had been set up, only to find the place empty. Lois cries cover-up and plans to write the story with Clark, but Perry puts the kibosh on it seeing as they have no evidence and nothing to corroborate their stories but each other.<br /><br />That evening, Lois is working late at the Planet (read: she's throwing nuts into the air and catching them in her mouth) when Superman floats up to her desk. He promises to find Trask and the others, and Lois interviews <s>Clark</s> Superman about his origins and his motives. He explains that he's from another planet, and that he's here to help. As he answers her questions, he hears a kitten trapped in a tree, and tells Lois that he has to leave. Lois should really take this as a hint: kittens trapped in trees are a higher priority to Superman than she is. Still, she's left with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside as she sets out to write her story about Superman. Or maybe she just has to pee. That's probably more likely.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">REVIEW:</span> This episode was definitely...uh...shorter? Than the last one. Actually, it wasn't all terrible. The idea of government agents being after Superman is totally plausible, and would have been really entertaining if it had been carried out in a less boring manner. The antagonist, Trask, is so cookie-cutter that it's laughable. His dialogue is bad, his motives are boring, even his face is kind of bland. We also get some more whoring from Cat Grant, which I'm pretty sure we can expect to see all season (if memory serves, she is mercifully gone by season 2). She does manage to be a little less annoying in this episode than she was in the pilot, so that is somewhat refreshing.<br /><br />My biggest complaint about the episode is that Lex Luthor was completely absent. He's Superman's #1 bad guy, and he makes not a single appearance in this episode. Instead he is replaced by lame thug #347. Things will surely improve once he returns. Overall, though, this wasn't as bad as the pilot, but it's still pretty rough. The show is in its infancy at this point. Hopefully the addition of a little more Luthor (and a little more Jimmy Olsen doing something useful) and the subtraction of one Cat Grant will help things along.Joe G.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14190700619730405910noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7388931039085648853.post-79970896063450536732010-12-27T15:18:00.000-05:002010-12-27T15:18:43.509-05:00Lois & Clark: PILOT!<i><b>Netflix Synopsis: </b>Clark Kent, an alien being with unlimited powers, works in disguise with fellow newspaper reporters Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen to prevent Lex Luthor and Dr. Antoinette Baines from sabotaging Earth's first orbiting space station. </i><br />
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!!!!! credits !!!! totally 90s!!!<br />
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Joe says there are no images in the credits yet because they all come from the Pilot episode. He's "pretty sure" that's true. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ZVRm1KcZY">Let's let YouTube give the verdict</a>.<br />
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A shady-looking man is entering the offices of The Daily Planet. The man looks like Robert Downey Jr., but it's definitely not. It's actually Lois Lane, intrepid reporter and main female lead of the series.<br />
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She is greeted by Jimmy Olsen, cub reporter and the Xander Harris of the series. (Joe: "Actually, Xander Harris is the Jimmy Olsen of Buffy." Jennie: *rolls eyes*)<br />
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Lois has apparently gotten a great scoop, and moments later they flash-forward to a huge party in the newsroom, complete with balloons, noisemakers, and other time-wasting activities. Pin the Tail on the Donkey was probably in there somewhere. Also, if The Daily Planet throws a party every time they publish a story, they will never get anything done.<br />
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A bus pulls into town, and Clark Kent, farm boy in the big city, steps off. He walks down the street, suitcase in hand, when he sees another bus speeding out of control. So naturally, Clark walks out into traffic and stops the bus WITHOUT HAVING HIS SUPERMAN OUTFIT ON (Joe doesn't think he actually has the outfit at this point) and no one notices. Except some old lady who just points and says "hey! hey!" WTF? Oh well, I guess shit gets crazy in Metropolis.<br />
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Meanwhile, back at the Planet, we are introduced to gossip columnist and all-around sex whore Cat Grant. She is <span style="font-style: italic;">scary looking</span>. WTF, Cat Grant, why the face? Seriously, your face is weird. Sorry, Tracy Scoggins.<br />
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There's more stuff going on at the Planet, but it's ultimately inconsequential. Joe thinks the actor who plays Jimmy looks like a young Clark Kent. And David Krumholtz. Also Hank Azaria. He looks like a lot of people. Also, Clark has a mullet in this episode, does that stick around? It's comic-accurate...<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49392741@N00/5296769601/" title="advsupes505vfreg by ambushbug5, on Flickr"><img alt="advsupes505vfreg" height="500" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5050/5296769601_646bb8298f.jpg" width="325" /></a><br />
...so yes.<br />
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Jennie likes Clark's glasses. Also, Clark lives in a hole. It looks like a prison cell in a third-world country, cement walls and one small window. Is Clark poor? (Jennie: "He's Superman, why doesn't he just rob a bank?" Joe: "Um, I think you just answered your own question.")<br />
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Clark decides to call his parents and let them know how his first day in the big city is going. This show is somewhat significant in that it is the first iteration of Superman in TV or movies that includes Ma and Pa Kent as major characters in Clark's life. Usually by this time in most Superman shows/movies, Pa Kent is dead and Clark has left Smallville completely behind. Following the Superman revamp/reboot in 1986, though, Clark's parents are alive and kicking. [Jennie: "NERD ALERT."]<br />
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Clark just floated to the ceiling to fix his lightbulb and then spent some time walking up and down the walls. One time they did that in Pippi Longstocking but they had to use glue so I guess Clark wins. Anyway, he has too much time on his hands. CLARK. YOU CAN FLY. GO OUTSIDE.<br />
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After work, Lois goes home and is greeted by her sister, Lucy Lane (oh, those Lane parents love their alliteration). In a move that clearly fails the Bechdel Test, Lucy berates Lois for being too picky about men. "You've got to stop being so smart all the time!" That's right, Lois. Dumb it down. Men don't want women who can think! They want women who can cook and do laundry! Also, Lois doesn't know that Clark and Superman are the same person because CLARK WEARS GLASSES. I don't know that smart is the right word for her.<br />
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Lucy tells Lois that she wants her to "meet a super guy." BWAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAHA! I wonder if that will happen before the end of the episode?<br />
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The next day, Clark is walking down the street when he passes a theater that is set to be torn down...for some reason. He uses his x-ray vision on the theater and sees some old bat is inside "acting." A construction worker outside gets into his bulldozer and prepares to destroy the building, but Clark uses his heat vision to keep the machine from running. So, basically, Clark is committing sabotage at this point. Clark enters the theater and meets the crazy old broad. They bond over Chekov. Later that evening, Clark is <strike>in prison</strike> at home working on something, and he types so fast on his computer that it starts to smoke. We have no idea why that theater thing is in this episode. Maybe it'll make sense later but probably not. PILOT!<br />
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Oh wait, it turns out Clark was writing a story about the old lady and now he's going to get a job at The Daily Planet. Perry is easily impressed by Clark's writing, I guess, but Lois is not impressed because the story wasn't "serious" enough. Also, because she's kind of a bitch. She has a point, though. Clark's story is a total fluff piece, and the way it's written is more like an essay than a news article. Based on the strength of this piece, Clark Kent, apparent fluff writer, would never have been paired up with hard-hitting investigative journalist Lois Lane.<br />
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So Clark has a job at the Daily Planet now. Back in the newsroom, they all watch a space shuttle preparing to take off. Before it does, though, it blows the eff up on the launching pad. Oops. (Joe: "Did that space shuttle explode?" Jennie: "Too soon.")<br />
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Platt, who wants to...like...do something...and cure diseases. Also, apparently he lives in an abandoned warehouse or something. It's weird. Anyway. They talk to him for a while and it turns out his daughter can't walk and his dream is for her to go to some space station where they have magic so that she will be able to walk again. He used to work for Dr. Baines and she's doing some shady stuff so Lois and Clark visit her secret underground lair that is not underground, really, but it should be. She's uncooperative until Clark flirts with her. It's a little known fact that one of Superman's powers is panty-dropping.<br />
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Back at the Planet, this power is definitely working on Cat Grant, although a) Clark's not really trying to use it on her, and b) It's probably a safe bet that Cat's not wearing any panties. She hits on Clark and Lois gets jealous ALREADY because Lois loves Clark duh. Cat offers to show him around (her ladybits), but Clark isn't really interested.<br />
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<b>Clark: </b>That's very nice of you, Miss Grant.<br />
<b>Cat Grant:</b> Cat...<br />
<b>Jennie and Joe:</b> Call me...KITTY CAT.<br />
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Lois invites Clark to go to Lex Luthor's ball (heh). Well, really she berates him into going with her because she doesn't know how to act like a normal person. Apparently she can't go to this thing herself, despite being an empowered woman who doesn't need any man. Except for right now.<br />
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<i>[Thirty minutes in, Joe and Jennie realized that Clark hasn't become Superman yet and doesn't even have his costume, which is why he's randomly using his powers in the most useless situations.]</i><br />
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Anyway, they go to the ball, and Lois is using her feminine wiles to get information out of Lex Luthor, who is not bald even though he should be. Because this is a TV show, Clark gets all moony when he sees Lois dressed up with fancy hair, because no one can tell that she's gorgeous in her every day clothes EVEN THOUGH SHE'S TOTALLY GORGEOUS. I forgot how pretty Teri Hatcher was before she turned into an overly-Botoxed Praying Mantis.<br />
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Clark and Jimmy (who is also at the ball as Cat's date) are watching Lois hit on Lex Luthor and Clark can't control his powers or something? So he almost starts flying? (Jennie: "He's floating in the middle of the party!" Joe: "He has a flight erection!")<br />
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The ball is an opening day celebration for <strike>"The Lex Luthor House for Homeless Children Who Don't Have Homes And Also Need Somewhere To Sleep Good Too"</strike> "The Luthor House for Homeless Children." HAHAHA.<br />
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On a side note, this episode is an hour and a half long. Sigh.<br />
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Cut to a while later in the Luthor mansion. The party is over and Lex is lounging on the floor in front of a fire. A snake comes sliding through the door. So there's a snake roaming around Lex Luthor's house? OK? It's...being controlled by a guy in a turban who is sneaking around Lex's house. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc5MqJKVZtI">Sim sim salabim</a>! WHAT THE FUCK. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartoon_Wars_Part_II"> I think manatees wrote this episode</a>. As the snake (which entered the room as a garter snake but has suddenly turned into a cobra or something) slithers up behind Lex, he quickly turns to face it. Lex stares down the snake and it goes away. Lex lies back and puffs on his cigar, laughing about his snake-repelling powers or something. Sure. Fine. Whatever.<br />
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Totally out of context, Jennie wonders how Superman has sex with humans, being the man of steel and all. (Joe: "...<a href="http://www.rawbw.com/%7Esvw/superman.html">there's actually a theory about that</a>.")<br />
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Also, Lex is banging Dr. Baines. Because of course he is. He's also wearing an ascot. Because of course he is. The ascot is vaguely reminiscent of something that Gene Hackman would have worn as Luthor in the Donner Superman film. Surely the similarity is not on purpose at all, as that would have required forethought on the part of the makers of the episode.<br />
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Back at the Planet again, and Lois and Clark are in the office, working hard, or at least shuffling papers around and LOOKING like they're working hard. As long as they look like they're working hard, no one will bother them. That's the Costanza way! Lois complains about wanting some Chinese food and now I want some Chinese food. The show uses some pretty sweet Indiana Jones-style map graphics to illustrate Clark going to China to get Lois some food, because Clark is nicer than he should be to Lois. Lois is actually sort of nice to him when he gets back. Kind of. Well, nice for Lois. So, basically, she doesn't make him cry as hard as usual.<br />
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Some time later, Clark and Lois go to visit Dr. Platt, who is...pretty much dead. He was electrocuted, and pretty obviously murdered, but the cops randomly decide that he committed suicide. One cop makes a joke about it and Clark gets upset because he's just a small town girl and isn't used to gallows humor.<br />
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Clark goes home and is sad. He wishes he could have saved Dr. Platt, so he asks his mom to make him a costume. Sure. He's talking to her on his prison phone, all wet from the shower and wearing a towel around his waist. Oooooh yeeeaaaaah. There's a knock at the door and it turns out to be Lois. Great. Still in his towel and dripping wet, Clark answers the door half-naked so Lois can see what she's missing. (Lois: "I said nine, I thought you'd be naked.") Why does Lois show up here? Are they going on a date or something? Does it even matter?<br />
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LONGEST. EPISODE. EVER. Some other stuff is happening but it's probably not important. UNTIL...Lois and Clark hug! Shippers, write this down. It's a big moment. LOIS AND CLARK 4EVA!!11!!!11! Why do they hug? Probably because Clark is sad. Honestly, it doesn't matter anymore.<br />
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Lois is going to dinner with Lex Luthor. Before she meets him, she insists that she's not going to sleep with him. She's probably going to sleep with him. She doesn't, though! They just have besos. Besos means kisses in Spanish. You're welcome. Later that evening, Lois and her sister talk about men and love and Clark floats outside the window and eavesdrops. That's creepy, dude. Not quite as creepy as Superman lurking around in the shadows, spying on Lois and Richard White in <span style="font-style: italic;">Superman Returns</span>. Still pretty stalkerish, though.<br />
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After a meeting with Lois and Jimmy in his office at the Planet, Perry White randomly pulls out a box of leaves and shoves some in his mouth.<br />
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<b>Jennie:</b> WTF?<br />
<b>Joe:</b> IS HE EATING A FROG?<br />
<b>Jennie:</b> No, not yet. /spoilers<br />
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Lois and Jimmy break into Dr. Baines's lair and Lois, of course, gets caught. But not before she kicks some guy's ass with her purse and some standard self defense moves. Unfortunately, Dr. Baines shows up with a gun and Bullets > Purse.<br />
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Clark realizes that Jimmy and Lois might be in trouble so he sneaks out of a staff meeting. He somehow finds them and bursts through the door. He "gets caught" because he doesn't want to use his powers in front of the stupid humans and Lois berates him because that's what she does. Once she removes the sand from her vagina, they bond over some story about how Lois banged a French guy named Claude when she started at The Daily Planet and that's why she's a stone cold bitch now. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Also, at this point, Clark has broken his chains, and now he's just hanging out with Lois while she bares her soul to him instead of, you know, rescuing Lois and Jimmy. You're a helluva superhero, Super-dick.<br />
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So basically, Dr. Baines is going to kill all of them but Clark saves them all. Yawn. BOOM EXPLOSION! They fall in some mud but they're OK. Hey Clark, if you hadn't taken your sweet-ass time rescuing them, maybe you wouldn't have all fallen in mud. Just a thought. As the building explodes, a helicopter (presumably carrying Dr. Baines) is lifting off, when it 'SPLODES! Oh no! Lex did it. Of course. Back at the Planet, they're having another party. The Daily Planet balloon budget must be HUGE.<br />
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Lois is finally being nice to Clark, probably because he saved her life. Oh wait, now she's being mean again. And she's wearing a dumb party hat, so that doesn't help. They're finally shooting the rocket into space which should work now that Dr. Baines isn't around anymore but WHO CARES because it's time for a MUSICAL MONTAGE! Clark tries on different hideous superhero outfits to the tune of I NEED A HERO. From <i>Short Circuit</i>. Just...here. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wehGfglnzyA"> Just watch it</a>.<br />
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Well, now that the outfit situation is taken care of, everyone focuses on the rocket launch. Clark settles down to watch the launch with Ma and Pa Kent. He's still wearing his Superman outfit. Conveniently. It's really more like loungewear than a superhero costume.<br />
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Lois sneaks onto the rocket because of course she does. She finds a bomb while she's hiding and OH NO what will happen?!? No one worry. Superman is saving them in the least tense scene ever. Clark I MEAN SUPERMAN eats the bomb and Lois, for some reason, is not all, "Clark, wtf are you doing? Why are you wearing tights?" because she's an idiot.<br />
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Superman flies the rocket to the space station (which was the point of the episode, apparently) and everyone is happy and they all love him. Superman's got it so much better than Spider-Man because some people think that he is a MENACE. Some people sometimes don't like Batman because they think he's a bad guy. Also, he has a stupid voice, but that's not really Batman's fault, that's Christopher Nolan's fault.<br />
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Having saved the day in non-spectacular fashion, Superman flies Lois back to The Daily Planet (from the space station? Because Lois has changed clothes at this point) because he doesn't understand keeping a low profile. Which explains the outfit. Also, NO ONE RECOGNIZES HIM. Ugh. Anyway. Lois named him Superman, did you know that? I didn't, but Joe did. That's because Joe knows everything about comics. She named him in the movie, too. It was actually pretty lame.<br />
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That evening, Superman confronts Lex Luthor about being a bad guy. There's some sexual tension. Do you think they'll ever make out? The episode ends with Lois being mean and stupid to Clark again. STANDARD.<br />
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The end.<br />
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<b>REVIEW: </b>Oh, holy Hell was this awful right from the beginning. It hurts to say that because we love this show so hard but...wow, was that bad. Dean Cain is acceptable as Clark Kent/Superman - he's got a nice face and a winning smile, though Tom Welling could totally take him in a smile-off. Teri Hatcher is very pretty, but she's also a terrible, terrible actress. She's somewhat reminiscent of Phoebe Cates in this episode. It's partly her hair, and partly her delivery. Jimmy Olsen does his job as a likable character and a competent hostage. Cat Grant is an awful, awful character, made worse by Tracy Scoggins's horrid acting. Perry White's characterization is pretty solid. He's a professional newsman, and he's played pretty straight, save for the weird leaf-eating scene. John Shea is somewhere between 'scenery-chewing' and 'okay' in this episode. If memory serves, he improves as the season progresses. We love this show. We really do. It was the first TV show that either of us ever got completely obsessed with. BUT THIS EPISODE IS TERRIBLE AND MAKES NO SENSE.<br />
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But it's the pilot episode. We'll cut it some slack. It will probably get better. Because it pretty much has to.Jenniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603984411324049557noreply@blogger.com13